|Reviews for Harry Ne Potter|
| Aaron Leach chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
| 917brat chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
wow this is good and I love how Harry is.
| Katzztar chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
oppps I think you ment November 5 1981, not 2012. An understandable mistake if either tired, typing fast or spellcheck changed it, and an easy one to fix.
Ahh dang! Remus is looking for HArry and then the kdis goes to France! I like that its Remus that left James & Sirius's sides to go find Harry. After all Remus is usually sticks to Dumbledore, James & co since they accepted his condition. Some fics has Remus support Dumbles mroe than Sirius due to Dumbles was first to accept him. ITs a change to see Remus be strong and walk away from them. I want to see him reunite with Harry quickly.
| Monnbeam chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
I would have love it if Remus got to him, that would have been great. I hope he can still find him. Story has an interesting start and looking forward to see how it works out. Will there be Weasley bashing happening with Ron and Ginny
| mliyanagamage chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
The two powers you have selected are good. Stick with them and try not to bring any more up. Too many and the story gets boring. Great story so far. I like you summarizing technique to bring the story forward quickly. Update soon
| 917brat chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
man what heartless people you are make the potters out to be I mean that just messed up what they did.
| richard333 chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
| LordNemesis chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
I say Hermione and Fleur as his woman and I also think James P and all the others should pay how Lilly could let this happen in any story makes her not a mother at all. I also think voldyshorts will regret what he has done.
| Brodus chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
I can see this is your first story and that it can be hard to receive criticism so early on, so I'll endeavour to keep things as balanced as possible. I really do think you have the makings of a good story, and that you could be a very good writer if you only make some improvements.
First let me say that I like that you have avoided so many clichés, I do not know how many stories I've read where either Dumbledore or Potter find some mark on one of the twins due to shrapnel, and then suddenly claim them to be the BWL with no proof what so ever, additionally it's also a nice turn of events to see it's the Potters trying to get rid of Harry and not Dumbledore, but it seems extremely unlikely that any mother would abandon their baby child who has just been attacked, so suddenly. Perhaps you could have waited awhile and had them witness him speaking in Parsletongue, and then had them send him away.
However I do like how you characterized Voldemort, he seems more stealthy and more of a schemer, more intelligent too for that matter. With that said though I think you could work on your grammar and punctuation as well as your sentence structure. Some sentences go on far too long and I find myself breathless, or having to insert full stops when they're needed. You also need to watch your capitalization too, each sentence should start with a capital just like any name or place, and additionally you need to add punctuation to your dialogue.
Here are some examples.
"Boy! Where are you?" roared Uncle Vernon.
"Here sir," replied Harry quietly. Notice I added the , at the end of the dialogue, quotation marks are not the end of a sentence so you need the , in place unless you're using a ! full stop or ? instead.
Here are some examples of your text unedited and corrected.
"Nooo" lilly screamed
"Nooo!" Lily screamed.
"inritus of tractus" Voldemort intoned and lily was completely still, glued to the spot unable to talk or close her eyes
"Inritus of tractus," Voldemort intoned and Lily was completely still, glued to the spot unable to talk or close her eyes.
"Now which one to kill first perhaps we shall test them"
"Now which one to kill first perhaps we shall test them?"
"vis of veneficus" he cast on the brown eyed one
"Vis of veneficus," he cast on the brown eyed one.
Please take these criticisms on board and use them to make your story better, you wouldn't believe how many people will stop reading your story as soon as they see your Dialogue doesn't have punctuation.
| Smithback chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
| Arkarian23 chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
This is interesting. Hopefully this won't end up like many of the Harry has a twin stories. I look forward to more.
| Sharkluver chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
| Dark Neko 4000 chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
Will Remus join the dark side now
| btvs22 chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
Great start, love the idea and also that is Harry/hermione
Looking forward next chapt
| ROBERT-19588 chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
If Harry was Disowned, his name should be "Harry No-Name".
I hope Harry goes to Gringotts and finds out he is related to lots of peple.
I hope Harry will in no wayb help the Potters orb Blacks or DumblePUTTS, just help Remus and Luna.
I Hope Harry will get Hedwig and free Dobby & Winky.
I hope Harry will be friends with all Magical beings.
What prophesy did Voldemort hear and what did it mean for Voldemort to change his plans.