|Reviews for First Date|
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/21
Not bad but u put 2 much thought into it
| Awesome1 chapter 1 . 4/12/2014
| Pottergirl chapter 1 . 1/4/2014
Ahn beautiful, i really liked it and I love this couple even though they didn't have many moments in the movie, but all of this few moments were special, write other stories about them.
| SNOGIRL chapter 1 . 12/24/2012
It's a bit...I don't know... stiff? We all know that no matter how much we want them to sometimes, people that are meant for each other don't always AGREE with each other. A bit of contrast between the two adds interest to both the character and the story.
I think you have a good start though, and I'll be sure to take another look at this if you decide to add more chapters.
| Pacific Popsicle chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Really great story! make it multi-chaptered! i will praise you if u do!
| moodyreindeer chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
Very cute, I loved the beginning especially. I like how in character Lily was. Nice Job.
| 11forensic11 chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
Pro - well, it was a wonderful story line. You captured Lily perfectly. Dylan was quite a gentleman, you can definitely see the way Lily is rubbing off on him.
Con - You should work on dialogue. Here's a good website to help:
Dialogue shouldn't be long, and sentence like. When you talk to someone, they have short and sweet sentences like,
"No, Dylan. I'm not upset with you."
"Then why are you crying?" He asked tilting Lily's head up to face him. Lily tried to look away until she melted into Dylan's welcoming arms.
You want to put actions, after the parenthesis. Speaking go into the parenthesis.
Overall good job xD
| NicoleLexi.x chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
I have to say, it was a pretty good story. However, I felt as if the dialogue felt almost scripted, and so formal it was hard for me to understand. It's a great start, though, and it's a whole lot easier to fix being too formal, than not formal enough. Keep writing!