Reviews for A Ranger is Born
Natospec chapter 1 . 12/26/2012
Skinflint here, across this while browsing the fanfictions. Hey dirt, we oughta work on getting all of the fiction from the rangers forums up on here. I'm sure rougher baron and ulquir... Dude, still can't spell his name used to edit my fanfictions. Well whatever. I'll probably send this to you in a pm on rangers forums to.
Guest chapter 2 . 11/8/2012
Joe should leave the others AFTER chow. No soldier passes up food to check on machine. Table conversation can be used to fill out the characters.
Also, the light mechs should have run as soon as they made contact with the heavy opposition - you need to establish an imperative that makes them stay there.
Action scene good.
Guest chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Not bad... last bit when you went totally into third person seems a bit odd.
Ulquiorra9000 chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
The pilot chapter's ending is rather abrupt and the dialogue is kind of cheesy, but otherwise this is a fun and authentic 'mech bash, if you ask me :) There's a variety of 'mechs present here and the weapons and damage are all vivid and intense, keeping the reader engaged. The next chapter ought to be good, too!
MaineMech chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
Nice start. Action has a clean flow and I was able to follow it as it progressed. Two points: Please describe mechs as if a complete noob is reading the story...to simply say "Sgt. Kamp's CDA-3C" is assuming your reader knows this is a Cicada and has the same knowledge base about the mech as you...it also allows you to flesh out a story and paint the mental picture for the reader. Also, please be careful to avoid the "Mary-Sue" for this character...give him a few warts...a few flaws to make him interesting. Thanks for the nice start, you have a good feel for mech battle.
RougeBaron chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
Whoa... 3039, an era not many has covered. Very nice work. The battle scene is superb with a lot of detail and grit. The Davions' hatred toward the Kuritans is well documented, which is a great irony to Victor-Omi love "scandal" in 3060 era. That's what is great about BattleTech. Love it, love it, love it.
Thohammer chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
Man! Are you sure that you aren't a published author already? How long have you worked on this project?
The attention to detail is Outstanding! the story line flows like water from action to action, I never lost interest or got bored with it. The Battle description is seamless, the balance between the emotions displayed
by the characters and their actions makes them more real to the reader. I personal feel you should take up writing! I would purchase the books. All in all, I enjoyed it Greatly! Would like to see more. Bravo! Excellent
Work!