|Reviews for My Ventus Prince|
| Sayuri Lapis chapter 1 . 11/20/2013
I like this story!
| bakugan alice lover chapter 4 . 11/17/2012
i love the story the one for me but this story is good to
| InnocentDiamond chapter 5 . 9/22/2012
Seven days of journal entries. I honestly think that Mel needs to step away from them. My gosh, Alice got killed in a car crash. This is kind of Shuun's fault, yet you can really blame him because he has to leave.
| InnocentDiamond chapter 4 . 9/17/2012
I don't even want to think about what that creature was, but I guess that the flower IS more important. What?! The trees tangled her? This is some crazy forest! And the force fields...I don't even want t think about it.
| the fool who never could chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
I'm not one for flowery, short, pathetic two-liner reviews that don't provide any helpful criticism at all. I've noticed that your pass reviews have only been showering you with praise, and as a result, might have stoked your ego.
I will be blunt, and I will be blatantly truthful with this- your story reeks of mediocrity. I'll start with your summary.
It's bad enough you had to add in (ps sorry I'm terrible at summaries). For me, that's a serious turn off when I want to consider even reading a story I see right off the bat. That being said, your summary, truthfully, isn't that terrible, save the cliched bit where you ask alluding questions like "Will they have feelings for each other...?" It makes it an instant giveaway that they would fall in love with each other anyway. The contrast (though barely recognizable), would be your saving grace. But I saw the tenses, and I cringed... (What will happenED? Seriously? At least take the time to proofread, for crying out loud!)
Your plot building, right off the bat, is just plain bad. It is rambling, uninteresting, and it makes me want to sleep just looking at how you blandly talk about what Shun did in the first, poorly construed paragraph.
DIALOGUE. I swear, the rampant misuse of it is criminal. Dialogues and conversations should always be seperate by themselves. Example:
So I ran up to them and ask " what's going on"
they looked at me with fear in their eyes and said " Someone has stolen flower of peace! "
Please stop compounding these into one paragraph.
The characterization is bland. What happens around Shun is bland as well, because we see it in so many other fics; rabid fangirls that throw himself at him. What could make you stand out as an author is to try and identify what Shun would actually feel about the girls. Interject his thoughts about them into the story, like how he thinks they're a bunch of stupid sluts that only get in his way, or mindless drones with nothing better to do, or something along those lines.
I have nothing else to say.
| Mudly-chan chapter 5 . 9/12/2012
You aren't serious, are you ? Why Alice have to die Y_Y I worried about Shun :s and why it should be sad ending :'(
BTW nice chapter..,
| AcelinaMoon chapter 5 . 9/11/2012
*crying* why... did... u... kill... alice...?
oops sorry that was the other me talking
Haha it's awesome i guess the sequel is awesome too!
| RomanceGirl14 chapter 5 . 9/11/2012
OMG! Suspense! That is going to drive me NUTS! ;)
| Nina-Neko-Youkai chapter 1 . 9/7/2012
I really like tis story
| CookieDecor22 chapter 3 . 9/6/2012
Shun reminds me of some special ambassador going to a different country. X) If I was him, then I'd do my best to complete my mission as perfect as possible in time.
Is it safe for Alice to be knowing all this? I mean, at first, Shun was kind of secretive, but now everyone knows everything. Not a fieldtrip! If they only have one teacher for a whole day, then that's okay, but if they switch classes like me, then they're so going to be behind on their work.
Still suggest that you find someone to help you with your grammar & spelling.
| InnocentDiamond chapter 3 . 9/4/2012
Okay then, let's go to a field trip. I have a Facebook but I don't chat with people because then the topic keeps changing. OKAY, we all know that you're blushing. Well...at least kind of know where the flower is. DINOSAUR ALERT! (sorry! but rawr reminds me of dinosaurs...) Update soon!
| InnocentDiamond chapter 2 . 9/4/2012
I agree. Nobody would just give away your identity of being a high-class person, right? But then, Shun had total evidence to prove his identity. Does Mel have a key to Alice's house? Nobody would just barge in w/o ringing the doorbell. Actually, I rather go to a field trip than do a project, so I'm good.
| RomanceGirl14 chapter 3 . 9/4/2012
OMG! PLEASE UPDATE!
| Pooch2010 chapter 3 . 9/4/2012
Sweet new chapter, you are awesome! -Pooch2010
| InnocentDiamond chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
No! The flower of peace is gone! Finally, Shun's training will be of use now since this is going to be a tough mission. Mobbed by the girls on the first day of school: what a sad life. And he's staying at a hotel, too. You can't really stay at a hotel for long, can you? Time to focus on your mission, Shun! Tornadoes are one result of the loss of the flower of peace (you get what I mean?). Update soon!