|Reviews for The Snare of Darkness|
| Tempest of Reach chapter 33 . 2/21
Woooooah boy... Where the heck do I start with this one? If not an apology for taking so long to get to this!
Helios is in trouble. A whole heaping load of trouble. I’m very sure that even when Tyrannica is repelled, and I am very, very sure she will be. She will have at least managed to secure and kidnap Helios... and the issue with his research into the Convexity, is that changes are incredibly likely that Tyrannica will be able to use it in order to free Ragnor...
At least, that’s the worst case scenario. I just hope she kills him and they have to use his final words to find a way to counter the Convexity.
And then Cynder... I don’t think the Guardians would of stopped, even if they knew Spyro’s family was there. After all, whilst they are of emotional importance, they are off zero tactical importance in the battle. Leaving Cynder alone and fighting against an overwhelming and dangerous enemy. I have to hope that she receives backup swiftly, otherwise the situation will only end up going from bad to worse.
And I am honestly glad about the focus on Chinnok and Enigma. Chinnok showing that whilst he does not have the experiences that have shaped Enigma into the hard-ass she is today. He has a strong backbone, and a desire to help others. Sure, he’s a jokester and often times an ass... but he has a good heart and is willing to fight if he has too. Whilst I do very much ship the two of them, I do think that this battle will be a turning point in their relationship, whenever it is as a couple, or just closer friends with one another.
| coincidencless chapter 33 . 2/20
I can't see any way Warfang gets out of this one. With Tyrannica's time powers, she's practically invincible. The city's crumbling, the Guardians are compromised, and even if Chinook, Enigma, Flash, and Cynder can fight her, with Helios out of the way, with no wraith's coming to help Tyrannica... it's like Malefor, but no spirits to finish her off. And again, time powers.
This is probably gonna be a huge loss for the good guys.
| Dardarax chapter 33 . 2/19
I don't think we need an essay on why you couldn't write this chapter. We'd much rather you put that effort into writing the next one! :D
I don't know whether to agree with the Guardians on the Helios issue. Obviously it'll be important to the plot, but at the time, before the dark crystals appeared, they made very good points as to why they don't have time to worry about it. Though why they didn't just have Volteer read through the notes while they walked is beyond me. I mean they wasted more time arguing than it would have taken for Speedy to read the entire thing.
Tyrannica was just looking for an excuse to start a fight wasn't she? Only one dragon shouts in refusal and the entire city goes up in shadowy flames! Though I genuinely don't know if she'd have kept her word given that she has spared other cities in the past. But she seems like the sort to ravage the city anyway for fun.
I can't help but feel Cynder's attention in the hotel is wasted. I get saving Sparx and as many people as she can, but isn't there a clinic that needs protecting? And aren't there areas with more people? Though I can't fault her for wanting to protect the people around her. It just seems like Cynder should be somewhere more important.
The wraiths have come a lot less scary for some reason. I remember they were supposed to be very hard to kill right? Yet now they are falling in droves. Has the week or two of training really worked that well?
Wait... Gale isn't going with them? But... she... and they... what? XD Okay, she's not a skilled combatant, but at her age she has to have as much combat experience as Chinook does at least! Why is she letting him go without her? She lived through the war with Malefor! He's a child! Worst mother of the year!
Though I did love the banter with her and Chinook about not using wind powers in the house! Probably my favourite moment in the chapter. :)
I really liked this chapter and I'm so glad it came back! I hope there's more sometime soon, though I know how much work making chapters like this can be so don't feel too rushed.
Great chapter for a great story!
Let your imagination flourish,
| The Author of Life 1221 chapter 33 . 2/18
Dude you have no idea how happy I am right now that this story finally got updated. I read it yesterday & I was not disappointed. Your skill as an author is the stuff of legends.
While I'm here, I'm just gonna go ahead & say your Broken Line trilogy is an amazing series & I can't wait for the next chapter & the next story as well. I mean, seriously, your stories should have their own TV Tropes page for Pete sake. For real though, why hasn't someone done that yet? I would do it myself if I knew what to do, but I don't have the foggiest clue how.
Also, you called Shades 2 different names in this chapter. Only mistakes I myself found.
| Feanor the Dragon chapter 33 . 2/17
That dastardly, conniving, underhanded, manipulative...!
Indeed, Volteer, indeed! I believe the noun you were seeking was "terrorist."
Anyway... what was my thought at the end of this...? Ah, yes, I remember now.
HOLY HELL AND HADES BELOW!
So. Much. Adrenaline.
Amazing, as always!
It's nice to get back to open warfare, in a way, in that we're terrified of what we know will happen instead of what we don't know.
And, Woo! Flash isnt taking shit from those wraiths anymore! He should be the absolute most badass against them. Light vs shadow and all that. lol.
FLASH used HYPER BEAM! It's super effective!
As for Tyrranica and Helios... It was awesome to get some science out of the guy. But, gawd, Helios, just go with her... be brave, but not stupid. Study the damned crystals.
So very much happened in this chapter. So much fear and epicness... It was worth the wait (especially since it's so long).
I only have two bits of criticism for you.
First, I think your work would be even better if, every time you said something "seemed to" this or that, you dropped the "seemed to."
The phrase adds a layer of separation between the reader and what's going on, while without it, the statement would almost always be more powerful.
Particularly, about one third of the way through, when Cynder is staring over the destruction and chaos...
Instead of thisThroughout it all, the eerie violet glow of dark crystals seemed to permeate the air."
You might try thisThroughout it all, the eerie violet glow of dark crystals permeated the air."
There, I really feel like the glow actually did literally permeate the air. The phrase "seemed to" there waters down the meaning, if that makes sense.
You might also move the sentence about choking the sky with smoke and dust and combine it with that, so the glow "permeated the smoke and dust that choked out the sunlight," or something like that... but that's really beside my point, lol.
In general, you might consider cutting out things like "seemed to," as well as somewhat passive feeling things like "was able to" in favor of more firm, definite feeling wordings.
Second, in some situations when we already know who is acting, epithet phrases in place of names and pronouns really hurt the flow.
The biggest example is a little further down, when Cynder is being attacked by a wraith after crashing through the window of the inn.
"The black dragoness's battle-hardened reflexes were her saving grace one final time. Her wings shot up in front of her chest..."
Now, here, the scene feels fast paced, until the reader stumbles over the cumbersome epithet "the black dragoness's." It just... well, it's so long, and it slows things down so much to read it, when the scene shouldn't actually slow down. You already have the possessive pronoun "her," twice in close proximity, though, but I think that can be fixed. I propose something like thisHer battle-hardened reflexes were *a saving grace one final time. Wings shot up in front of her chest, slashing outward with a fierce cry."
Here, changing "her saving grace" to "a" seems to work well enough... while removing Cynder entirely from the second sentence makes the action distanced from her, and thus more like an instinctive or reflexive act than a conscious one, which also helps reinforce the fast pace of the scene.
Personally, I would then rearrange the first sentence of the next paragraph so that it began, "Without a trace of hesitation, Cynder's tail lashed foreward..." but that's just me... because it bothers me when I start two paragraphs in a row with a possessive, unless it's a comparison between what two different people have (But I rarely ever notice that in other people's writing, so it's probably just mild OCD on my part.)
I know very well how annoying it feels to type pronouns over and over and over again, but the old School House Rock song rings true, and pronouns really are a writer's friends. It feels awkward to write, but as long as you vary your sentence structure so that the pronoun isn't always the subject, or even just not always the first word, readers actually don't really feel bothered by the use of pronouns instead of epithets. In fact, it seems to flow much better for readers when you avoid epithets where practical.
Just a couple of thoughts. I know you said to expect less quality (though I'm not sure why, it read pretty darn amazingly to me!), but these are just two little things I've been noticing for a while and decided I'd mention.
Other than those little pointers, your writing really is top-notch! A masterfully composed plot playing my emotions like a musician on a frantic piano, heart-thudding adrenaline, and real, visceral danger... I've come to expect very great things from you, and, as always, you deliver more than expexted.
Keep on being amazing, my friend!
| NomexGlove chapter 33 . 2/15
Well it was definitely a pleasant surprise to see the notification for this chapter pop up in my inbox. And at 24k what a monster, and that's even missing some of the cast of characters. That and with the multiple points of view surrounding the same event, then having to intertwine those different arcs? It's no wonder that you had some difficulty with this one.
I also liked some of the little details that you included such as Helios' experiments, the negotiations with Cynder, and the comment about dragons and their elements among others. Little exchanges and items like those always make stories like this fun to read by fleshing out the world you create in your story.
One thing I did find odd however is that for two of the groups in this chapter you started them off before the initiation of the battle. But for Enigma and Shade we join them after the party has already started. It just seemed oddly uneven as far as the development of each subplot.
(I am biased though as I am interested in the growth of the bond between the two as well as Shade's potential importance and could just be looking for an excuse to prod you for more on them.)
But other than that and some minor hair splitting about grammar and spelling, I thought this chapter was up to your usual standard. Good chapter and well worth the wait.
Thank you, and as always I look forward to your next contribution.
| Zazelus chapter 33 . 2/15
MORE MORE MORE! Glade you're back ;)
| V-SxC chapter 33 . 2/15
Great chapter! Hope spyro and nexus get in time in city.
| Colrapture98 chapter 33 . 2/15
YAAAAAAAAAS! Another chapter
| HolyCross9 chapter 33 . 2/15
Hopefully, Spyro and Nexus should return at the next chapter.
| Guest chapter 33 . 2/15
Yes you back to the story and with a action packed page once I started reading I couldn't stop jest like the rest of the series so thank you for coming back with a bang
| The Rogue Lion chapter 33 . 2/15
I don't think the quality of this chapter fails to meet the standard you have already established. You were very descriptive in each character's perspective and how they responded to Tyrannica's attack. It was easy to picture every scene.
That being said, I do admit that I'm not a big fan of fight scenes and that I was hoping for more plot development. I recognize, though, that it is necessary to include to these large fights to really pull everything together and it seems apparent to me that much of this will come in the next chapter.
| DragonMaster111 chapter 32 . 2/10
Coming close to a year without an update buddy
| Debil doge usmc chapter 32 . 1/23
Iz is debil dog plz updat store suun I cri ebrytiem nut updat
| Colrapture98 chapter 1 . 1/15
Ima be honest, this is now the 4th time i will have read through this story, hopefully once i finish with this read through, you'll have another chapter posted! Lol either way, I'm holding you to your promise and i trust you'll finish this story, so take your time, i'll be ready whenever you are to start this tory up again. On another note, this is by far my favorite story/stories. I find a hard time going through fanfiction looking for more stories to read because you have set the bar so high! The story is phenominal, and i dont find very many grammar issues at all making it very pleasant to read. The characters are all so unique which is something i personally struggle with when writing my own stories. The frienships and character interactions also feel very natural, especially spyro's and cynder's relationship. I read many stories where cynder's personality takes a 180 degree turn to make a relationship with spyro and it just doesnt feel right to me. The relationship portayed in this series however feels honest and eased into. And i havent cringed once from a forced, overly sappy scene between the two. So congradulations, and i hope to see you active again soon, until then... best of luck!