|Reviews for Error of Soul|
| kidloco chapter 1 . 2/26
hey.. is you... damn.. now you get what I said in the other chapter about my second time I read it with bond soul :p
| kidloco chapter 7 . 2/26
finish and love it and lol and wow
will wait for the next chapter
same name in my account but right "now working" and laziness
but wow fanfic.. and lol the hermaphrodites part, not bad idea... mostly sexy not jutsu , imaginate that in use? XD best jutsu ever!, going to read what you mention now lol
| kidloco chapter 6 . 2/26
I can said it, I love it...
now the last chapter for today and wait for the next one :D
whow different view is seeing about sound bond and ects, mostly the twins, now I get it about them
the fenix always had be cool and never had be fan of harry potter
and that is my second bond soul fanfic I had read, the other is cool one and that too make sense of much about everything and the goodness Miranda, oh I love that goodness hahahaha I mean the other I had read the fanfic I mean :p
| KIDLOCO chapter 3 . 2/26
oh wow, amazing chapter and wow.. lol Hermione living harry dream XD
or every man on heat and universe XD/... had be more lol a threesome XD :p, that may put Hermione in killing mode XD
| kidloco chapter 1 . 2/25
oh lol I love it, let see how is going next
| Spica75 chapter 7 . 2/23
Good fic, NEAT crossover.
Please continue it when you can. Will be waiting for updates. ;)
| harry griffendor chapter 1 . 2/13
how the hell do you call this a hhr fic , its a bloody waste of my time reading this horrible story. when ron hugged her , oh hold me more , what the hell a stupid writer and a stupid most lame story
| Soulmate chapter 7 . 2/10
Clearly, the best soul bond fan fiction I've read. Easy, fulfilling and enjoyable writing style. No random bushing. The only real concern I have is the implementation of the cross over which is a dangerous line that's not always should be crossed. It feels a little strained.
Nevertheless, I really hope you will update this at some point.
| WrittinInStone chapter 7 . 2/8
Okay. I just finished reading it and I must say, I'm glad I did.
Your writing improved dramatically over these last couple of chapters. Not only that, the plot is picking up and your ideas on the problems that would be implicit with a soul bond are really well thought out.
So yes! I really like this story. The Fred and George things was quite a nice twist.
All in all, I think you have a gem here. You should update soon.
| WrittinInStone chapter 2 . 2/8
Okay, chapter 2.
1. The very first thing that threw me off was Pomfrey's lack of professionalism when Harry and Hermione came to her. I think you could have pulled it off if she had kept her amusement to herself, but laughing at obviously embarrassed students came off as... tacky. If it was me, I would have bolted when I saw her amusement. Think about it. If you're already embarrassed, then how would you feel if your physician started laughing?
Even more embarrassed I'd imagine and probably not very appreciative of her amusement.
2. Once again, the crying on Pomfrey's part should have been done in private if it was going to be done. She's seems way too no-nonsense and strong to just dissolve and break down like she did.
3. The Soul Bond being bad is novel, but rather... counterproductive. I'm not sure where you're going with this, so I'll just leave it at that. I do appreciate that it'll be a difficult process but... yeah. Okay.
4. Madam Pomfrey leaving in the face of the realization of the Soul Bond struck me as wrong. She'd rather leave like a coward them to help them through it? That was crazy to me. Not only that, there was no indication that she told anybody else, namely Dumbledore who probably should have been informed.
5. Hermione not IMMEDIATELY looking up what Soul Bonds were came off as OC. I cannot imagine canon Hermione taking so long to find out why she was feeling Harry's touches.
6. Ron: I think with one statement that you made him more of a douche than J.K. ever did. This quote here: "He admitted to himself. Intellectually he knew he wanted nothing to do with Harry Potter's life. The Basilisk, the Dragon chasing, not the mention the ALMOST PATHETIC WAY HARRY PINED AFTER EVEN A SCRAP OF FAMILY SOMETIMES MADE RON WANT TO GAG.
That seriously had to be THE most heartless statement that I've read in a while and I read Hermione/Tom Riddle fanfiction and they like to make Tom a right psychopath... which he is.
Ron just basically said that if he thought about it intellectually, he wouldn't hang out with Harry because he had too much going on and that Harry was pathetic for wanting a family more than anything. If that's not what you intended, that's how it came off. And although he continued to talk about how he didn't want to betray Harry again, talking like that... well, it might be best if he and Harry weren't friends.
7. Umbridge: I honestly don't know how to feel about her sudden about face. She is really OC in this fic because the canon makes it pretty clear that she's a bigot and that she probably knew that Voldemort really was back. But that's your literary choice to make. We'll see how it pans out in the future.
8. I can say that Umbridge's class was very well done and quite entertaining to read.
That's all for that chapter. Once again, the flow of your story could use some improvement. Find a proper beta and they'll help you with that. On to chapter 3.
| WrittinInStone chapter 1 . 2/8
Okay, I got to chapter three when I saw that you crave criticism and I'm really glad to hear that. At first, I wasn't going to review because I figure in this fandom, you were already catching crap and I didn't want to add to it. But since it seems as though you're not getting the type of reviews that I too feel are more helpful than the "great job!" comments, I'm going to provide you that service.
Let me start off by saying that you are a good writer and that your fic idea is a good. Your disclaimer is what caught my attention in the first place because I too have read Soul Bond fics in this fandom and they, quite frankly, suck. I never could get through the first 5 chapters of any particular one.
So, the idea is great but your execution could use some work.
Here are my constructive comments:
1. Though you're a good writer, I think having a decent beta reader will make you a great one. Unfortunately for you, finding a good beta reader is like finding a needle in a haystack. A good beta reader will ALWAYS have something to say besides "OMG! This was awesome!" If your beta tells you that your fic is perfect every single time, then get rid of him/her. They're no good.
2. Your story's flow is a bit... off. Sentence structure could use some work. It's not bad, per say, but it's just enough to throw me off what you're trying to say. Basically, if I have to read your sentence more than once to get what you're trying to convey then something's wrong. If that's something you have trouble with, then a good beta will be able to help you with that.
3. Now, for content purposes: Hermione's reasons for not telling Pomfrey her ailments were unrealistic and not worthy of her. For her to be angry that Pomfrey DID HER JOB by healing Goyle totally made Hermione look like a be-otch. Also, her disliking Goyle while having a minuscule bit of admiration for Draco didn't make sense. If anything, it was GOYLE she needed to have compassion for BECAUSE he wasn't smart enough to realize what he was doing was wrong. Draco, on the other hand, is more than intelligent enough to realize that his beliefs are wrong, especially since the evidence of it is in his class.
Disliking Goyle for being stupid sounded incredibly snobbish. Not everyone is blessed with intelligence-which is needed to even realize that you lack, by the way and is not so easily remedied by simply reading more-and she was essentially saying that she hated stupid people because such people are always easily led.
Not cool at all. Made Hermione totally OC. Canon Hermione had more compassion.
4. This is a pet peeve: Why so much crying? I swear, people are way too quick to use the "his eyes were filling with tears" bit. Not manly. Not at all. I don't think I've ever read that Harry, or anyone for that matter, was so quick to tears. There are better way to show emotion without your characters drowning.
That's all for this chapter. All in all, you still kept my interest here, but those bumps I mentioned before really caught my attention. Now, on to the chapter 2.
| JohnTheGeneric chapter 7 . 2/1
I seriously hope this fic gets updated. It's the first that has actually made me enjoy H/Hr, and probably the most realistic soul-bond fic I've ever read. Even if you don't continue, great work on what you've already posted. You'd make a great author of original work if you put the time and effort into it!
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/30
Harry becoming out of character after a soul bond doesn't necessarily signify mindrape and brainwashing. It could just be character growth occurring in response to situations not presented in canon.
| avid reader chapter 7 . 1/25
| FF chapter 7 . 1/24
update please :)