|Reviews for The Railway Kitten|
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/27/2016
You have some nice ideas here! I love the idea of Skimble finding and taking in a kitten, as well as Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer being siblings. And you included the station master's daughters! The Scotty name is cute, too - of course the train staff wouldn't know Skimble's real name.
There were a few things that puzzled me that I thought I would mention in the interest of constructive feedback:
1) Rascal told Skimble he must promise never to tell anyone that he's Etcetera's father - and then Skimble immediately goes and tells Munkustrap and Rascal is apparently perfectly fine with this?
2) In the first chapter, Skimble shooed Jerrie out the room saying that Etcetera needed her sleep, and then moments later, after talking to Jenny, he finds both children and brings them into the room to formally meet the baby. What happened to her needing her sleep just a minute ago?
3) At the very end of the chapter, you say that no one ever found out what happened to her mother but "Etcetera didn't even care. To her, her mother was Jennayannydots and her father was Skimbleshanks." Just five sentences later, you say that every night Etcetera asked herself "What happened to her real mother?" These two sentences completely contradict each other. First you say that she doesn't care what happened to her mother, and then you say that she wonders about it every night. How is this possible?
In general, that is the main thing that makes this story hard to follow: sometimes your characters say something that appears to contradict something said before, and I get confused. It's hard to follow character motivations when they change abruptly like this. It's a great premise for a story, though, and like I said "Scotty" (and Skimble's reaction to it) is perfect! I hope that this is helpful.
| Blob chapter 3 . 4/16/2013
Dis iz epic! :D
| Cocobutterrox chapter 3 . 11/7/2012
OMEC WOOH! I'm glad I can finally read this chapter! :D
OMEC WAIT. HOLD. EVERYTHING. Is Macavity Etcetera's father? o_O WHOAAA.
Oh, haha never mind. But WHOA. Etcy's dad was a henchcat! I like the twist! :) :)
Awww yay! I can't wait until Etcetera can reunite with her father! Plus, I am very much liking your OC, Rascal :D I hope you haven't given up on this story! Update soon ;)
| Cocobutterrox chapter 2 . 9/30/2012
Ack! I'm so sorry it took me so long to catch up to this! I'm so glad I can finally read it now :D
Haha nice going, Jerrie :p
WHOA O_O Mungojerrie needs to CALM. DOWN. I wonder what's up with him...?
Aww it's so sweet how Etcy sees Jenny as her mother! :)
Yay, all is well :) :) But now I really want to know who her father is! And I'm also wondering how her mother died :( :( Anyway, great chapter! On to the next one :D
| BlueSky509 chapter 3 . 9/23/2012
I like the plot and characters! You write well, but your grammar could use some work. Please don't be lazy with capitals and apostrophes. Also, starting another sentence in the middle of one sentence is...annoying. In the same sense, so is using a capital after a comma if it's not a name. Please keep these in mind for the next chapter, you really have something good here. I hate to see an otherwise great story ruined by bad grammar...
I like your OC Rascal, I think his character is pretty well-developed. Don't be afraid to go into detail about how a character feels, or what he/she is thinking. Slowing down the pace would be appreciated, too. I feel like this is kind of rushed. Please take this as constructive criticism, it would be twice as good as it already is with improvements!
| eld mcm chapter 2 . 9/15/2012
Ouch, Mungo! That hurt a lot! Well, at least he's sorry now... But how are they gonna find out who is her father?
| Cocobutterrox chapter 1 . 9/7/2012
Aw, that's so sad! I would burst into tears if I found a kitten cuddling with her dead mother :( :(
Awwww it was so adorable when Etcetera was like, "Pa Pa?" :D :D
Ahhaha Mungojerrie's surrounded by queens. Have fun with that, Jerrie ;)
"Teazer had introduced her to the Rum Tum Tugger a while back, which was the biggest mistake Teazer ever did." Haha nice going.
Eeek! Cliffhanger ending! Will this be continued? I really want to know about her mother (have a feeling something to do with Macavity...) but at the same time I love this ending the way it is...Hm...I don't know! Whatever you decide, I'm good with! :D
| eld mcm chapter 1 . 9/5/2012
Scoooooottyyyy, the railway caaaaaat!
Hehehe, Etcy was suuuuuch a cute kitty when she was young! And I loved the description of Skimble's routine, it was very detailed. Is this a multi-chapter? I REALLY want to know what happened!
P.S. It's actually spelled Etcetera.