Reviews for Kopa's Legacy — Book I: The Coming Storm
Bookworm Gal chapter 9 . 9/13/2012
I think the reason you didn't get a huge number of reviews for this story as you might have expected is because you posted the entire thing all at once. Posting one chapter at a time means that the readers are more likely to review each individual ones. Regardless, I am looking forward to your next addition to this series and I've already shared my views on the quality of this story in a previous review. Good luck.
tlkLover chapter 1 . 9/12/2012
Agh I love this series so much. I can't wait to see the development of janga and her relationship with sarabi. I want to see why she is living away from pride rock and what her relationship wad with scar, how she found out abour simba, if she ever gave him a chance where he let her down to initiate her desire for revenge, or if she's just crazy and jealous.
Guest chapter 1 . 9/12/2012
Hi! I dont know if this will be helpful, but I would be devastated if this series ended. So first if all, I loved the introduction of the suppressed father son relationship between tumaini and kopa. I think it would be interesting to see developed their history as "brothers" and how their relationship changes or doesnt after theyre reunited. I also loves how you made the whole plot fall into place with the introduction of afua. Please please please continue this series in this
Wild Artichoke chapter 9 . 9/12/2012
Alright well, let me first start off by telling you that I do quite a bit of creative writing, so I know what you're talking about. I've never posted on this site but I have on similar sites, though not for quite a while. Anyway, I have to ask something first; why are you writing? What motives do you have? I only ever write to have fun with it. It is a great relief from stress from school and just life in general. I'm not out there for my fans or anything like that, I do it because it is something I enjoy. Just something to think about. Also, I think you are underestimating your abilities vastly. You are either extremely gifted, or have been doing this for a long time. Your talents are far beyond most 15-25 year-olds (I'm guessing that's probably the main demographic for this site), so you asking for informative feedback is like asking a 7 year-old to do calculus. Us commoners are unfit for this sort of duty. Call up J.K. Rowling and I'm sure she'd give you all kinds of tips and tricks, we just don't have the knowledge of beyond what you're capable of. To us, this about as good as it gets as far as character development, smooth story direction, etc. Basically what I'm trying to say is "I really like this!" is about what you can expect from a story this good.
Okay, this is the last part, I promise. The one thing I didn't really like was this line here: "Alright, Simba. You may be a better ruler than Scar ever was, but I'm going to show you who that title really belongs to." It seems kind of unimportant, but to the more cunning reader this scrambles the surprise of Simba having a sister. It suggests that she was around during Scar's reign, and that she is in the royal bloodline. This really leaves one sensible option. Other than that little bit there isn't really much else I can say. Sorry it's kinda long. By!
Guest chapter 9 . 9/12/2012
I love this story and how do you describe the characters. I can't make a od critic because I'm Italian but I really enjoyed the first book and I wish that you'll post the next part soon. I suggest you not to decide when to start or the frequence of the story by only seeing the reviews' number but by seeing also how much the people who reviewed likes your story...and Irally like it and I want to see the next book soon so...I don't want you to hurry too much. I'm only saying how much I appreciate your work ;D
13bookworm chapter 2 . 9/10/2012
Wow very well written. Especially how you explain the characters act and look. You also do well describing the situation, when Siri smelt blood i had a feeling something was wrong. You excel in describing, which is good for writing. I like how you started with Siri and transfered to the other lions. Makeing the reader completely aware of whats going on. Sometimes I don't do to well at that mysef. Keep writing more and again very well written. I hope this helps and sorry if this isn't long enough. This is my version of long.
Wondrous-Serendipity chapter 8 . 9/10/2012
I like the story. You've characterised quite well, made quite a bit of suspense and intrigue, and you've used descrition effectively, making everything visible in the mind's eye but not going overboard and making the fic monotonous. You've also used emotions quite effectively as well.

What I didn't really like was the almost "divine-intervention" thing at the end with the rock slide. I was really looking forward to a nice battle. But it did set up the ending quite nicely.

In the sequel I would suggest that you focus a bit more on how Simba, even Nala, is feeling, especially with this new revelation.

Can't wait for the sequel!

My utmost regards.
Fewtch chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
I must say, rereading this, that everything feels a lot cleaner than the first time. Maybe it's just me. xD
It's one thing to have a chapter as exposition, but a whole story? You did a very good job. :D
ASniper chapter 8 . 9/8/2012
So LOMI's here too, eh? Anyway, in the prologue at first I felt like you didn’t take advantage of all the potential of being a lion. Specifically, where Siri’s sneaking around the perimeter and her senses take in everything. There’s a good moment to explain what she’s seeing, smelling, hearing. But when I think about your potential audience, it makes sense because they likely have already experienced long introductions detailing every aspect of the savannah in other fics, same as it is on HF. And afterward, everything flows smoothly without anything in your writing becoming distracting, although Malka's turn-around was rather fast.

The initial conversation within Janga’s pride is excellent. They come off as gruff, and the implication they’ve just slaughtered Siri’s pride gives them credibility as dangerous and powerful villains, worthy enemies for our protagonists, be they Kopa or Simba's pride. Even before Janga speaks, a reader gets the feeling she’s a capable leader and it’s proven very quickly with the explanation of her strategy. Some parts of their descriptions, like Jeraha’s blood-crimson mane, I have a little trouble buying into when I think of lions, but it’s done to make the characters distinct and leave an impression, so it’s not an issue. It’s the Lion King after all, it’s not meant to be ultra-grounded in fact, and later when you describe Mufasa having a red mane it becomes understandable. I think I misunderstood a bit because of some fan art I’d seen previously. Lion King lions with pelts the bright colors of RvB’s characters. Blue/green lions, good grief.

Lion King fan-fics seemed a bit bizarre to me at first, but once I settled into it I found this very enjoyable to spend an evening reading.
LOMINogard chapter 8 . 9/8/2012
Definitely a good read, if a little bit strained at the beginning simply from the array of new characters. The meshing of the pseudo-canon characters into the story is rather nice, especially since you're weaving them together with each other. A little low on the action, but that's understandable since it's setting up the rest of the series. Of course, the canyon cave-in and Malka's mood swing felt slightly... contrived, but they work in a way.

Interested in seeing the rest of the series. I like that the Hyena Trio and Timon & Pumbaa show up, if briefly, since they were some of my favorites in the original movie. I'm also hoping to get some Rafiki scenes later on, since he's probably my favorite from the movie. Also kinda curious if there's more convoluted significance behind Fujo's resemblance to Mufasa.

On the other hand, and this must be said... cliche-ness when Janga is revealed as Simba's half-sister. I mean, sure, it sorta works, but it has a very Star Wars/Inheritance Cycle feeling to it that doesn't quite seem appropriate, especially after all the other intertwined family relations in the story. I'm sure it'll work out in the end, but it just feels... misguided somehow.

And that's that
LionKingFactsGuy2 chapter 6 . 9/7/2012
WOLF chapter 8 . 9/5/2012
I'v read your story man and it has potential and I'm looking forward to book 2, the only thing I see wrong is that the chapters could be longer but still good fanfic. Also the ONE Lion King fanfic staring Kopa you GOT to see is Prince of Destiny, SERIOUSLY IT WILL BLOW YOU MIND!
Fewtch chapter 8 . 9/5/2012
Oh yea! I love Kopa and Vitani stories! Plus, this one's really well written!
Book 2! :D
Bookworm Gal chapter 8 . 9/4/2012
An interesting start to a series. I'm guessing that you're using human-like aging for everyone rather than the actual aging rate of lions. That's the only way to have Kopa exist as Kiara's older sibling and still have Kovu old enough for Scar to actually hand-pick him as an heir and yet not be drastically older than Kiara that can be noticed when Kiara and Kovu first met.

There were plenty of new characters mentioned and used in this story, not to mention those who were part of the "Six New Adventures" stories about Kopa that I'm less familiar with. I am intrigued by your description of Vitani's past motivations as a cub growing up with Zira as a mother and at Kopa's friendship with his travel buddy. Janga is certainly surprising and offers some more interesting things for Simba and the family to consider.

Characterization was certainly accurate for the most part as far as I could determine, even when you're expanding on characters beyond what was shown in the films such as you did with Vitani. Even your short glimpses of side characters, such as the hyenas and Timon and Pumbaa, was entertaining. As long as you keep this up, fleshing out the different characters throughout your tale, I'll be satisfied.

In summary, you have done a wonderful job in your story and I wish you the best of luck on the future additions.
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