Reviews for Kopa's Legacy — Book I: The Coming Storm — Remastered Edition
thats-a-moray chapter 2 . 11/7/2012
Hey, just commenting to let you know I'm still making my way through this story of your's. So far so good! I liked the note on Pride Rock's location, I never thought of it that way.

You're very good at crafting interesting characters. I may have some trouble remembering all the characters in Kivuli's pride, but that may be because it took me a while to get through the first chapter due to school and working on my own fanfic. I've decided to follow this story and look forward to reading the rest of it!
DahvrielHwiu130 chapter 1 . 11/6/2012
This story fits right in with the plot of the original movie and could be a real sequel .
Watership's Nightwish Rat chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
This is pretty darn good. Pretty descriptive, too. Love it!
Brodie-001 chapter 4 . 11/2/2012
Quite an eventful chapter, I must say. Enjoyed the way that you conveyed the emotions of both the protagonists and antagonists, giving the reader a good insight into them and further developing their characters. You seem to have a habit of ending these on questions or cliffhangers, too. I like it.

The transitions between what is happening and flashbacks/dreams are a little unclear in this chapter, compared to the earlier ones. Even with the italicised parts, there was a point where I wasn't sure what was going on. Other than that, very solid writing, up to your usual good standard.
Nanosoldier chapter 8 . 11/1/2012
The epilogue quickly reminds readers of the novel's atmosphere and creates a viral tension between the present characters. The ambiguous ending is perfect considering the genre and gives an intense cliffhanger. Epilogue: 8.7 Entire Book: 9.5
Nanosoldier chapter 7 . 11/1/2012
This chapter manages to capture the drama between the characters as well. It also doesn't go too off into the wrong direction. The chemistry between the characters is also heavily present in this chapter which gives readers a more understanding of them. Unlike previous chapters, each character's personalities are balanced accordingly. 8.4/10
Nanosoldier chapter 6 . 11/1/2012
Surprisingly, the chapter pulls off the slow-paced cap and go straight into the story. The chapter creates a plausible and realistic dynamic between the characters and shows off the culture portrayed in the original films. As it creates emotion, the exact balance of the darkness and brightness of the novel is displayed in this chapter and defines the motivation the characters go by. 8.3/10
Nanosoldier chapter 5 . 11/1/2012
Again, this chapter took heavy usage of the italics, which made it quite distracting to read (even at one point making me tilt my head). Because of this, I suggest you create a brief author's note on the purpose of the italics in case someone does actually forget its purpose. This chapter was also overdoing Vitani to the point where Kopa seemed to become a deuterangonist, despite being named after the book. 6.4/10 (forgot to rate the previous chapter: 7.6/10)
Nanosoldier chapter 4 . 11/1/2012
This chapter was thankfully more colorful and heartwarming than previous chapters. The appropriate use of transitions was used perfectly here, as the story became a bit slow-paced with the characters encountering the abyss. While this is one of the more brighter chapters, parts of it still gradually go deeper into the characters' emotions and personalities which successfully adds emphasis on their goals.
Shembre chapter 1 . 10/31/2012
So far so good! I only found one or two typos, but nobody is perfect (that's how many I usually average per chapter even with several reading) The first paragraph is a bit choppy in the grammar department, but that goes away after that point.

Some random things:

* Character introduction: one thing I've heard from teachers and texts is that it's best to "show" instead of "tell" when it comes to story telling. Like when you tell the readers that Kivuli having a cunning and unpredictable in nature, you could instead maybe show the other characters reacting to her in a way that shows that off. Like, some of the characters who know her least can be confused by something she does, but the ones who know her better could explain to the confused characters that "she does that" (that meaning being unpredictable.) It also depends on the pace of your story, and how much people need to know about the characters before there is too much going on. One thing I'm also curious about is what you mean by unpredictable with Kivuli: is it related to her personality and emotions, or her actions? :)

* Where did Janga, Kivuli, etct. come from? Why do they want to take Pride Rock (besides that it's awesome, and it's kind of like how every villain wants to take over the Redwall Abbey).

That's what I have for now since I'm not sure if you want more help with mechanics, or just ideas and stuff. :3
Nanosoldier chapter 3 . 10/31/2012
There were very few mistakes in the actual text but story wise there is a minor oversight. Firstly, I just suggest that instead of using italics to express something to avoid confusion and instead use apostrophes (i.e. He looked at me as if he was saying 'Your call.') Your decision though. The character of Vitani was introduced in half a page (the rest focusing on Kopa), which is acceptable to a degree but with the chapter focusing solely on Vitani, try to keep on Vitani for a few more paragraphs before transitioning to another character. 7.9/10
Nanosoldier chapter 2 . 10/31/2012
This chapter definitely introduces a more darker side of Simba. Nuka's death, unlike other stories I read, actually had an impact upon the rest of the chapter and the aftermath was perfectly executed. Some overuse of the italics but it doesn't serve much of a problem. More emphasis and definition should be balanced between characters as it seems that you attempted to focus entirely on Simba, who is obviously already developed. Good chapter, decent execution. 8.8/10
Nanosoldier chapter 1 . 10/31/2012
The chapter was slightly rushed as partial development of the characters only briefly began and requires some expansion in order to properly form them. However, the execution of the prologue was decent and did have a sense of emotional gravity based on the descriptions you gave. It's a nice mature spin-off of a children's film and adds drama and security. In a few instances, the dialogue did become awkward (i.e. "I am aware of these facts") but the charisma of the characters were appropriate considering the story's genre. You've slightly misused paragraphs, the most obvious example being "Was the pride forced to kill something that had threatened them here?

Or did the blood actually belong to lions?". Overall, the prologue gave an adequate introduction to the atmosphere of the story. I rate it 7.6/10
Brodie-001 chapter 3 . 10/29/2012
Review #3. I'm forcing myself not to read on until I've done one of these for each chapter. Again, a very engaging chapter, I must say. Vitani and Mateka's discussion of Kopa seems to shed more light on his past, and obviously brings up more questions as to what happened, as does the subsequent dream/flashback. As for Kopa, I quite liked his development as a character in this chapter, his unfamiliarity with lionesses like Siri being a little naive, but in a good way.

It was good to see Siri's recollection of what happened, too. Some writers would just have the others go along with her because of the 'they're looking for me' thing without any explanation. That was good. To finish, I really liked the way how the last two sections both ended with cliffhangers (Or rather, an earthquake-hanger. Okay, that was an abomination of a joke. Sorry). Once again, I'm compelled to read on. Nice work as always, and again, apologies for the hours it takes to write these very short reviews. Blame TV Tropes.
FairyHedgehog chapter 5 . 10/29/2012
I really like this so far. Your writing style is so fluid and clear. You've stayed true to may of the themes in the movies, but also made it original. I love your portrayal of Vitani and the insight you've given into her character has been excellent.
What I like best about this is that it's different from the majority of Kopa stories out there. You can't deny that some of them get a bit same-y. Well, I'll come back to read more later, but for now I have to go. Goodbye :).
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