|Reviews for Kopa's Legacy — Book I: The Coming Storm|
| Goodbye0Bluesky chapter 2 . 4/16/2013
Woop, Kopa! Another solid chapter, this one. I really like how you portray Kopa's character in this, and his friendship with Tumaini. Good job!
| Goodbye0Bluesky chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
This was the chapter that started it all... I remember reading the first and being really confused, but when I read it now, it's making sense again! Good chapter, and nicely written!
| brooklynn.meyer.9 chapter 9 . 4/2/2013
I really liked this story and the bloopers made me crack up! Well done!
| jtgil chapter 9 . 3/26/2013
This story has amazed me alot! It is very creative and very interesting! And the bloopers idea is frankly fantastic, like if the characters themselves are actors and are not evil or good! Love it!
| Kovu fan chapter 9 . 1/8/2013
I think you did a great job writing this. This is only the second fan fiction that I've read and the first one sucked. It was too quick, confusing, and horribly written. I just finished your first book and can't wait to read the next ones. Oh and at first I was mad cause I have been waiting for kola to return home but when he turned around I was upset. I then determined that this type of writing will keep me reading because I don't know what's coming next.
| the almighty alphamon chapter 8 . 1/7/2013
One of the best Kopa stories i've read. You and Asante are my 2 favorite writers for this theory. I hope that we can be friends and that you will read my upcoming Kopa Saga when released.
| MollyEvens chapter 9 . 1/3/2013
that was epic ill keep reading lol
| Alhma chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
I haven't really started reading yet other than a few sentences and a few glances a bit further on. I've noticed so far that there's no introduction to these characters, or what they even look like. Me being very visual, it's nice to get a good description and some detail put in. However, I can't say much since I hardly even read this yet. I'll most likely retract what I've said after I continue either later tonight or tomorrow. Expect a real review coming in the next few days! ;)
| GeminiGemelo chapter 1 . 12/28/2012
Hmm, well, this was interesting indeed. :3 And pretty well-written too, I will add. The action started pretty quickly; it's off to an engaging start. I apologize for taking so long to get to this, but I've been distracted with other things. :/
I have to admit that, looking over this, I might not be in much of a position to offer critique, especially since you're about 4 years older than me. But I'll try my best. XD I'm not usually into Kopa stories, but then I suppose you're not into AUs... and you liked Trampled well enough. So I'll keep my mind open. :p Personally, I'm wondering who this lioness is and where the pricne fits into all of this.
The grammar was practically perfect with no noticeable flaws, something I can truthfully say of very few people on this site. That said, I can cut out 90% of what I usually have to correct people on and can proceed to the next part... hmm... let's see. XD
I'm not usually into the "x-tail tip, x-fur, x-eye color" description of lions or the blatant explanation of character's personalities ("show, not tell" and etc.), nor for introducing several characters at once. However, it seems as though you are using some new OCs for plot purposes so I suppose there isn't much you could do (especially since this seems to be a quick-moving fic and introductions have to be made fast). Considering this, I suppose it was actually quite nice that you put in a paragraph or so of explanation for each new character when it was needed, as I probably would have been confused otherwise. You described their appearances and basic personas in a way that was quick (but not rushed), informative, and avoided cliches.
The description was detailed and rich; the dialogue immersive and believable. A good combination. Perhaps a few odd constructions here and there, such as this passage:
"These grasslands are the closest route to Pride Rock, and we had no way to pass without attracting Malka's attention anyway. We can't scale the surrounding mountains. It's a two-week trip across the Outlands, which, I'll add, has practically no food or water, and I refuse to weaken our forces right before we reach the Pridelands. And if we try to go around the Outlands, the herds will spot us and you know how quick word travels in the Pridelands. We would have wasted a lot of time only to have Simba's forces bearing down on us before we even catch sight of Pride Rock."
This was confusing, and it felt forced here - I understand that Janga is a leader and that she wanted to explain things to her companion, but it still felt a little clunky there (especially since she said she had already explained it before, she would probably be unlikely to explain it at length again). It was almost like she was listing it out... the rest of the dialogue felt natural, but that was enough to distract me from the story temporarily. In addition, I also see the words "Pride Rock", "Pridelands", and "Outlands" each repeated more than once, even though for the rest of the story your vocabulary is usually quite varied and such repetition doesn't happen.
Overall, I'd say that this was a very good prologue/first chapter. I will continue with this, and perhaps leave another review several chapters in.
Until then, see you later. ;p
| SomeOtherPerson chapter 8 . 12/25/2012
I now that this was published a while ago but I still want to say that this is one of the best Lion King stories I've ever read. You've manage to do what so many have failed at, you've created an interesting and original story that mixes existing characters and your own together perfectly. I did love the homage to Banzi, Shenzi and Ed, that part along with the flashback sense were very well done. Each part got the screen time needed to further the plot without bogging things down. The only bit I'd improve on personally would be the sudden change of heart Tumaini's dad had, it seemed a bit sudden. Seeing how you have a reader's rating in the summery I give you Book I a 9.8/10. I hope to have read the next two books before the new year gets to far under way.
| Orpheus chapter 8 . 12/11/2012
I'm not much of a Lion King fan, having only seen the movie twice in my lifetime, but I have to say that this story was both very well written and surprisingly engrossing for being about anthropomorphic lions. I found myself enjoying watching the characters interact. Must say, the writing style does a good job of conveying immediacy and makes you feel like you're there. Even though the characters are a bit confusing (since I didn't see the movies after LKI, I have no clue which are fanon and canon) I really enjoyed how deeply they were characterized. Overall, a solid writing entry that proves the author's premise of "it doesn't matter if it's fan fiction, it can still be good." I approve.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
I am interested in this story line so far.
keep up the good work.
| LionDreamerAKAfan chapter 9 . 12/7/2012
I love them, my favorite was all of them. #D
| thats-a-moray chapter 9 . 12/5/2012
This turned out to be funnier than I expected. XD "Kopa" Scene 1, Take 2 and 3 actually made me laugh out loud. Oh, Nuka.
GOD DAMNIT SIRI, LEARN YOUR LINES.
Has it really been 18 years? I saw The Lion King in theaters when it first came out (seven times). Now I feel old.
"Are they taking the hobbits to Isengard?" And now this song is stuck in my head. Thanks.
All the other FF writers you mentioned makes me feel like I should go read their stories now. If you feel like writing another blooper reel for Book II I think you should go ahead and do it.
| thats-a-moray chapter 8 . 12/5/2012
Nice reveal at the end! I had my suspicions about Janga since ch 6 and I think you picked a great time to reveal the truth as we head into book two. The only thing that bothers me is I feel like we didn't have enough time to explore Tumaini's issues with his father. If I had known about his past earlier in the story, perhaps through a flashback/dream sequence, then I'd have been much more invested in Tumaini's journey to Shira Hollow because the whole time I would have been wondering and worrying about what would happen to him. Malka's reveal was not as interesting as it could have been, especially because he forgives Tumaini in the very next chapter. More build up bigger pay-off.
Apart from that I think this story sets up the next book very well. The pacing is good, although there were times I wished you would linger a little more and let me enjoy the scenery and really drink in the characters. Although, that's probably just a personal preference. To be honest I often skimmed over the parts were you quoted scenes for the movie until I got to the parts that were important to the story, like Vitani's inner monologue or the parts that you wrote yourself. For example in ch 2 you describe Kovu and Simba being ambushed by Zira's pride, Zira's reveal, the fight, all of the dialogue... and it really seems like you could have summarized most of these events and given more focus to Vitani's thoughts and feelings. You didn't need every single line of dialogue from the movie there, especially since Nuka's death is such a memorable scene. (I'm guilty of this as well.)
Sorry if I come off a little harsh. I've taken a lot of creative writing classes and I'd feel like I did you a disservice if I didn't give you some areas to improve. The positive side is that it's very well written and easy to read and the characters feel real and interesting. I honestly didn't notice the lack of humor in this story. I really appropriate it when authors are willing to put their characters in serious situations where there isn't really a bright side. I never felt like the story was too depressing or angstful. I'll definitely check out Book II after I read the blooper reel. :)