|Reviews for A war to end most wars|
| E.M.Bryant97 chapter 9 . 2/21/2013
Great story! I really liked Stark- I thought he was a very original character. Just be sure to look over your punctuation before you post. Other than that I thought it was great! Awesome job. :)
| lucidatray7 chapter 9 . 10/15/2012
Starrk wouldn't think something like that... You spelled Hueco Mundo "hecto mundo"...Loly wouldn't think like that either; she hates being pitied upon and being saved by others because she sees it as them looking down on her for being weak...Harribel wouldn't really give much thought to the matter... Yamamoto...I can't be sure about him
| metsfan101 chapter 9 . 10/12/2012
awwww, its over. what a great ending to a great story
| lucidatray7 chapter 8 . 10/10/2012
| lucidatray7 chapter 5 . 10/10/2012
The only thing I have to say is that Aizen wouldn't exclaim anything, especially right now in his Shinigami state. The time he exclaimed was when his patience was running thin with Ichigo destroying all of his attacks, and he only did that a couple times out loud.
| lucidatray7 chapter 2 . 10/10/2012
Okay, chapter one is pretty good. However, when you make Starrk say, "I don't need a two-on-one fight," you need to make Legion the aggressor because Starrk's nature is very lax and lazy and will only attack if someone attacks him first or if he just can't avoid it; he'd try to avoid confrontation with Legion first, and he should already have his sword drawn.
| lucidatray7 chapter 6 . 10/8/2012
Pretty good, but I'd take a second look at it for grammar issues, but they're very small, so they shouldn't take too long; but then again, you also don't have to worry about that since people don't really care about that, I'm just a perfectionist at most things.
The name for Hado 90 is Kurohitsugi, just in case, but the English version of the name works just as well as the Japanese.
Other than those couple comments, awesome job!
| SuperYuuki chapter 7 . 10/6/2012
You seem to like the word "gout". I am not sure what that word means. XD
| SuperYuuki chapter 6 . 10/6/2012
HOMONYMS! Aka, words that sound the same, but are not. You are slaughtering them.
Your: A term applied to a noun or such to show possession. Examples: "Your bed is really comfy." "Your feet stink." "Your parents scare me." "My panda is cuter than your panda."
You're: A combination of the words "you" and "are". Examples: "You're going too fast!" "You're not sure which witch is which." "I think you're starting to improve."
There: If something is over there, that's where it is. "The monster is there!" "But there pandas are in there!"
Their: If it is theirs, then it belongs to them. "That's their god." "Their god is a turtle?"
They're: They. Are. A combination of the two. "They're chasing after the Sha!" "The Sha? They're going to die!"
Also, after quotation marks, either a question mark, exclamation point, or question mark is required. Or a period if it's the end of the paragraph.
May I say... your descriptions are rather sterile. " then when the coffin appears the army stops and as it explodes and annihilates about 50 of the soldiers and then as the coffin disappears the soldiers reappear and continues to charge," for example, is all the action. Narrative needs to have emotion, too. Everything needs emotion, imagery, ect. Do you know what I mean?
| lucidatray7 chapter 3 . 10/5/2012
You made Starrk very OOC; the more in character they are, the better your story will be. Here's a helpful tip (no sarcasm intended): when you have a character saying a line, try to see if you can hear the actual character saying that line you came up and if it's in their character. If it is, great and keep that line and continue. If not, try to come up with something a little different that might match the character more, but it doesn't have to be completely different; it can be very similar to the line you originally wanted to use.
| SuperYuuki chapter 5 . 9/28/2012
(this review is going to be quite pointless and dumb)
Cordelia: *glomps the Arturo in your story* You! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I have been having gogdamned hormonal meltdowns in Seireitei and your off doing whatever-
your Arturo: Get off of me! I have no idea who you are, soul reaper!
Cordelia: Don't give me that 2hiit. I thought we were over that whole "soul reaper" thing except as a term of endearment.
your Arturo: Endearment? The only thing that could possibly be endearing about you would be your blood splattered on the ground!
My Arturo: *appears (lol)* Cordelia? What are you doing here? What have I told you about following the strange human teen?
Cordelia: Eh? You mean SuperYuuki? She's totes rad.
my Arturo: *scoffs* And you DO realize that the arrancar over there is not me?
Cordelia: Of course, silly. The fact that he has killed me (or at least tried) yet is a sign we bond on a metaphysical level!
Everyone ever in the world: *facepalm*
Okay I'm done now.
| SuperYuuki chapter 4 . 9/28/2012
MUCH. BETTER. What's better, you ask? All of it.
What sticks out at me now is how you've been using the word "says" when a more creative and descriptive term could have been used.
Now we shall work on vocabulary. As in let us carouse the various and copious vernacular that are synonyms to the verb "says."
Exclaimes. Shouts. Yells. Scoffs (a fav of mine). Taunts. Utters. Murmurs. Mumbles. Whispers. Intones (says with unecessary dramatic-ness).
You could easily find a huge list of synonyms anywhere by just googling "synonyms for said".
Otherwise, I have a question. Is the actual Arturo Plateado (as in the character from the video games) somehow involved in this story or are your characters just based off him and not related at all? Because if it's the former...
Aozora/Cordelia: *peeks head out from behind 4th wall* Where is that smexy spainish bastard? His àss belongs to me.
SY: We understand this. Go away now. (shameless plug: my story "Tale of a Traitor" is one of the very few with Arturo Plateado as a main character. If I hadn't been checking for more Arturo stories, I'd never have seen yours. ToT is kinda my awesome thing right now.)
| metsfan101 chapter 2 . 9/22/2012
| SuperYuuki chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
Okay, first of all, trust me, no one is going to steal your work (I've noticed one of your other stories and the summary was all "do not steal"). People don't just randomly go around stealing fics.
Secondly, the summary for this fic was abysmal. I did not understand what you were trying to convey with it, and after reading through this there is nothing to keep me from assuming that English is not your first language.