|Reviews for Realities|
| Oria Giora chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
I'm guessing that the mystery is why the main character's friend is being so sneaky and secretive.
I'm not that good in poetry, so I'm mostly just going to ask questions in what I really don't get.
[Form a friendship over a kiss] - Kiss? I guess author's license to use whatever term, but kiss (even a friendly one) seem over. Or I'm too conservative. Maybe more towards the latter.
[And one is doubtful
Always, always doubtful
But the friendship stays strong]
Why is she doubtful? (Since this is before her friend started to act suspiciously.) And it usually doesn't take the lost of trust to weaken a relationship between people; it just takes a shadow of suspicion. So, logically, if one side is doubtful, it's hard for the friendship to stay strong.
[Her dear, dear friend], [Always, always doubtful] - The use of repetition is effective.
[And she's so, so scared], [But no, no...no!], [The girl cries and cries/ And the thief lies and lies] - Not as effective use of repetition. Perhaps you might want to consider cutting down on repetition? It is being used excessively.
[Beat] as in completely exhausted, right?
Why won't the lies work anymore?
Overall, it is an ambiguous piece of work. The intention isn't very clearly expressed. Maybe you would like to spare a couple of words more in the poem? I'm unsure of this fandom, so I'll assume they are in character. The flow of the story is interrupted abruptly as it is vague when the next phrase occurs. Perhaps you would like to break it into different stanzas instead? The meeting in one stanza, the suspicion in another and the resolution in the last. It would be much neater and organized.