|Reviews for A Broken Promise|
| ChildOfTheWicked chapter 37 . 10/17
Definitely blushing over here. I'm thinking like Mizuki with Ichigo...if this was YOUR first go at a scene like this then your talent speaks volumes in my opinion. Quick learner or just comes naturally, either way this was hot! Can't wait to read more.
| kurosora1021 chapter 38 . 6/24
I laughed my butt off the entire chapter!
| Guest chapter 37 . 3/23
One of the best lemons i read in awhile. Caused me to get horny
| InferiorNova chapter 7 . 1/6
I've read a couple of your chapters now and I find it an entertaining story however as you asked to know readers thoughts I thought I might add some constructive criticism for future chapters or perhaps later editing. As I haven't read very far into your story some of these ideas might be irrelevant but I hope its helpful anyway :)
I think that if you havent already putting Mizuki through a 'character creation' sheet would be really useful to you. I can tell through your writing that you probably have quite a deep understanding of Mizuki's character, but doing one of those sheets can help to clarify any grey areas and allow you to better portray Mizuki to readers. (Though I dont post often on FF, I always do a heap of Character Creation sheets for any original work I do and I always find it helps :D)
Another thing which I think you could focus on if you are going to be editing the earlier chapters is the "Woah! Whaaat?!" factor haha. This is my name for any surprising or suspenseful moments in a story and the foreshadowing to build up to it. I think that by portraying Mizuki as incredibly powerful from the beginning, you have missed an opportunity to really shock your audience by having her suddenly show off her skills in a turning point in the story or a fight that she isn't expected to win. You can improve the "Woah! Whaaat!?" factor by having Mizuki lay off the butt whooping for the first few chapters, or show the other characters' inner and outer reactions to her power.
Finally, I think that Mizuki would really benefit from some crippling flaws. Because I haven't read too far in the story this point might be irrelevant if you have already given her some, but I thought I might mention it anyway. Mizuki has some incredible power, is friends with a lot of main characters, is being hunted by almost everybody and has a badass personality. Although this makes her pretty darn awesome, It does leave her character a little unbalanced in terms of the Strength:Flaws ratio (once again I havent read too far so this might be wrong). When I create characters I try to balance out every pro with an equal con. My character has super strength?(pro) She has a crippling fear of confrontation (con). My character has a bunch of best friends? (pro) She will be completely selfserving and ditch them whenever something bad happens. Although I still slip up with a couple super awesome characters, this rule generally helps me a lot :). It also helps with the aformentioned "Woah!Whaaat?!" factor because the audience may not expect your character to react BADLY to a situation.
So thats pretty much it, Im sorry for waffling so much and I hope my ideas help :D
I would be happy to review any other chapters if you want and you can feel free to PM me if you want any more of my crappy advice .
Thank you for writing this amazing story!
| Squisher chapter 29 . 12/9/2015
Um yes hello but this really might just be me because I'm using a mobile app but chapters 28 and 29 are duplicates, so I just thought you would like to know just in case thank you bye...
| kitito1 chapter 58 . 1/22/2015
| dloold87 chapter 37 . 9/22/2014
yay, I am glad they finally are together. And the love scene was really well done, I was kind of worried since as you said oc chars tend to not have good scenes with cannot char, but you did a great job with it. Anyways I still hope you kill off Renji, I hate him always have always will.
| dloold87 chapter 20 . 9/22/2014
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK RENJI HE SHOULD DIE LIKE THE CUM SWILLING FUCKTARD ASSHAT HE IS. How dare he pull that shit, he is scum. First he tries to take her back to be executed, then he tries to kill her and then he fucking kisses her... He needs to fucking die and die soon.
| dloold87 chapter 17 . 9/22/2014
god I hate renji, he is such a mindless moron. He brought Rukia back to be executed even though he knew it was wrong, he now is trying to bring back another friend for execution and he obviously knows it is wrong but he just blindly does what he is told. I hate people like that, they are just so fucking Douchey and she even gave her virginity to him and he acts this way. I hope you kill him off.
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/26/2014
It's a good story so far. But you are making ichigo look super weak.
| DyingWarrior chapter 57 . 3/16/2014
Hurry with the next chapter love this story!
| Light Knight Shinigami chapter 8 . 2/12/2014
I like this story a lot ! Keep it up :)
| blacklightningwolf chapter 55 . 12/30/2013
Love the story! Can't wait for the next update!
| Nixie the Bloody Pixie chapter 36 . 11/24/2013
Yeah that's right! Kiss 'is ass Mizuki! Aizen deserves it!
| Nixie the Bloody Pixie chapter 35 . 11/24/2013
Well shit... Ichigo get off your ass and go save her! Now you stupid git!