|Reviews for BG: In the House of the Sun|
| Kyn chapter 1 . 6/11/2014
I admit my first question would have been "Why were you in a Broom Closet to begin with?" XD
I felt like everything after the co-broom-closet locking could have used a great lengthening with more details and more gnomish chatter. I get the impression that Sarevok is basically thinking: 'Holy fuck, kid, my Murderous Instinct is already 100% awake by this point in my life, I have a deep and overwhelming desire to murder my siblings, and you just locked yourself in a closet with me. ARe you retarded? You must be retarded. Oh gods if I kill her now I ruin everything and I'll never get out of this place alive . "
| Late to the Party chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
Very enjoyable; my sole complaint is: where is the rest of it? It just... stops! Gah! I want to read more! ).
I like your interaction between characters; even though Imoen says very little, it's clear she's a feature, and you weave a background that is not only plausible but believable. I especially like the depth you give Gorion - the line about cryptic comments and penetrating looks I thought was especially apt; I also like the part about Sarevok's bloodlust.
All in all, it was a wonderful expansion to an under explored (in game!) back story. )
| Blue-Inked Frost chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
I liked it. :) Your Sarevok is intriguing to read about! So is your Bhaalspawn - I like the gnome concept, and the interesting way you showed the byplay between the siblings.
You write a good Sarevok and I thought it was great to see this part of the story fleshed out. We never get information in the game itself about Sarevok's first visit to Candlekeep, and it's excellent to see a take on the first possible contact between Bhaalspawn and Bhaalspawn. A good subject, and I think your Sarevok is very in character. It rings true to me.
Making Charname a priest of Garl Glittergold is cool. Gnomish deities for the win! :) I know you're interested in BG1, but I can't help but also think of Aerie and Quayle and Baervan.
And the moment of contact between Sarevok and Zaharra, and her character to lock the door and not know how to unlock it and rely on her friends-that gets across the difference between them nicely, setting the stage for their conflict. That part was beautifully done. Very fascinating and thematically appropriate to the story!
I also thought I read a bit of Bhaalspawn siblingcest in there, which does squick me a bit though-the more so given huge Sarevok and a tiny, young gnome!
Sometimes in the writing, I think a few more commas sprinkled here and there would help - not too many. Generally the writing is clear. Sentences like "While very few scholars were awake at this hour his cover had to be rigorously maintained.", "The web itself glistened with dewdrops lending the kill an otherworldly beauty.", "Later he would reason that it was the inability to cause the mage harm which prompted his retreat but in that very instant a thunderous looking Sarevok opened the closest door and jumped inside" - I'd place a comma in the natural pauses of all those sentences to help clarity of reading. But some people are overfond of commas too.
In this sentence - "The tiny gnome was a puzzle, by turns stubborn and assertive, appeasing an idealistic, it seemed gnomish madness bred true." I like the description of the character, but it's a run on sentence and there's probably a typo in there. "The tiny gnome was a puzzle, by turns stubborn and assertive, and then appeasing an idealistic mentor. It seemed gnomish madness bred true." That would be more grammatical. (Or is 'appeased' meant to be 'appeared'?)
Generally I thought your fic was good and that it was well written. I enjoyed the fic and I'm looking forward to seeing what you choose to write next. :) As I said, this initial point of meeting between Sarevok and his sister at Candlekeep was a fascinating, compelling glance at what would eventually happen in the story.