|Reviews for Kingdom Hearts: Endless War|
| KumoFuzei chapter 19 . 10/24
I'm straight back again for another review :D
I bet Mickey secretly knows what's going on.
Graros seems kinda cheesy crazy. I'm struggling to take him seriously as a villain at the moment.
I didn't expect Graros to sacrifice org 13 though.
There are a few mistakes that could do with fixing too but I'm enjoying it so far.
| KumoFuzei chapter 18 . 10/24
Back again to review. I will one day actually review consistently.
"After that I'll come to call for you, and then you must return to your pylons… After that, you'll only have to wait."
The double after that is a little jarring.
"I prefer answers that rest…" than*?
Graros seems kinda cheesy tbh :P
| KumoFuzei chapter 17 . 8/18
It has been forever since I read this but I'm back to read again! Hopefully I won't be too confused since it's been like 3 years.
It's quite speech heavy.
The SPAG seems pretty good.
You overuse speech verbs quite a bit.
I think I need a summary :S It was quite a nice paced chapter though with some good character moments.
| forevermagik13 chapter 37 . 6/27/2014
Well... this chapter was sad. Not that that's a bad thing. It means you wrote it well. It's just sad to see the King like this. And Disney Castle like that.
I want to know about this prince.
| forevermagik13 chapter 36 . 7/24/2013
Mind your tenses! You start out the chapter in present tense, as opposed to past tense.
Interesting what happened to Wonderland. You put a lot of thought into that.
So... does that mean Ray is not protecting any of the former Princesses' Worlds?
Also, this might screw with your headcannon, but feel free to ignore it. I always figured that when one Princess died, another was born. Is such the case in your universe? Or even if it is, the new Princesses would be really young, depending on your timeline? Or have no new people been born because everything's falling to pits? Feel free to ignore me.
*snicker* This combination of people you've got here are amusing. I started laughing right about where Ray wanted to stab a blade through Sephiroth's chest.
Ahaha... that really happened to Alice, didn't it? She was institutionalized? Or am I crazy?
Heheh, Sephy says he's not going to help people, but he does.
"'Cause that's never been done before." Man I love Braig's dry-humor.
Wait, I thought Alice was dead. Or is this like some remnant of her?
Twenty-six should be hyphenated.
Oh, are you following that other Alice video game? (the bloody knife tipped me off. And it would fit with the black hair.) Ah, yes. Yes you did.
Lea just carries around a cloak? Or was he already wearing one?
Don't you mean Wonderland made Ray mortal? Or am i misinterpreting this?
Agh! Was that Sora or Ray? I'd believe either.
Okay, I think that's all the questions I have for you.
| forevermagik13 chapter 35 . 7/23/2013
Is there a particular reason why it was just Isa that joined them and not Lea?
Also, Liam, stop being cocky. You're just going to regret it. Also, get your anger under control!
Oh, I was going to say something, what was it? Um... oh yeah! Ray, sleep! Ansem says so!
Rinoa! Except... not. *sniffle*
Depressing that they have to kill the ones they love. Not a new idea, but certainly a powerful one.
Wow, Liam just saved Ven. Impressive.
"Come to" has one "o".
Oh Liam... you and your anger...and your chaos... (It's like Riku and darkness, except worse.)
| forevermagik13 chapter 34 . 7/15/2013
Wow, dare I say it, am I caught up?
I really appreciate your use of the word "whilst." It's an underused word.
So, if Liam's fire, and Elysia is air, do you have a water and an earth?
Wow... like... "hot" jokes, really?
Lots of tactics, interesting to read.
Side note: "the group regrouped" is awkward and a tad repetitive. Consider "They regrouped"
Wow, you had me on the edge of my seat at the end there.
| forevermagik13 chapter 33 . 7/14/2013
Wow, that chapter moved really fast. Lots of strategy and such. Really good! Not much else to say...
| forevermagik13 chapter 32 . 7/13/2013
Ray! No! Dafuq! Stop! You just...! No! You can't! STAHP! Grr. Like... You are EFFING KINGDOM HEARTS! You can't just give all of that up! Despite the peaceful life you're being offered! You'll never ACTUALLY be able to live with yourself! ARGH!
See! You are already regretting it! *mutters insults under breath*
I just... ugh. Like... What is everyone else going to do?!
Side note, "so-called" and "care-free" have those hyphens :P
Listen to Fallan, Ray. Listen to him. He knows what he's talking about.
Heheh, that moment when I have to laugh a little about Rar's Riku... and why Edd's meddling forever intertwined rar's universe and mine. And how they're always going to be like that. Because Riku's never going to leave. Vexen might, I'm not sure yet.
Ugh, that moment, when Becca and Riku are a thing. And... ugh. Love triangles.
| forevermagik13 chapter 31 . 7/12/2013
Well. That was interesting. Time travel is a funny thing. I don't really have much to say. It was good. I'll save questions for later. They'll all be answered by continuing reading, I would think.
| forevermagik13 chapter 30 . 7/11/2013
Oh. Duh. Magik. Wow. Why did you think Radiant Garden/Hollow Bastion when you KNEW Castle Oblivion. And then you get confused, but it's your own darn fault. Anyway. Yeah...
What is Ray up to now?
Uh-oh, what is freaking Auron out? Like seriously, what now?
Heheh "home sweet home". Gotta love Repliku.
Gotta love Repliku's new powers. And him dodging all that stuff makes me think of one of Rar's recent chapters... heheh...
Ansem sounds like Luxord here. All that talk of cards.
Was it necessary for Auron needing to know he was going to die? Or could he have just chosen to die for his friends and the universe without that knowledge?
NURRRRR! Like, I wasn't all that upset at Auron's death. It just... I dunno. I mean, it's sad and he sacrificed himself. But if Even and Ienzo... *sniffle* Grrr. And that interaction between Repliku and Even. FEEEEEEELS.
| forevermagik13 chapter 29 . 7/11/2013
I really liked how you set up for the battle. If I could have listened to music at the time, I would have, but I can't have music playing atm :P (Work.) Anyway, it seemed really good.
One thing I think might have worked better, is if you split up the giant Eclipse battle and then Ansem talking about what will be happening next/starting up the Replica project (which I am excited about.) It felt like a lot, all showing up in one chapter. Each individual part is powerful and well-written, but putting them right after each other, with no chapter break, felt a little bit... hmm, what's the word I'm looking for. It felt a bit much for one space.
That's my two-sense.
| forevermagik13 chapter 28 . 7/11/2013
Who's the person thinking that at the beginning? Riku? Ray? Sora? Technically, Riku started this all when he was fifteen...
So Becca's pendant is keeping Riku safe? Because she got it in the Stardust Realm? (I may have missed something here.)
"Sideline" is one word :P
What is Ray up to?
Gonna take a guess... it's Sora writing.
Ah! New Keyblades! Do you have pictures?
| forevermagik13 chapter 27 . 7/8/2013
Something to think about: words like "shouted" and "bellowed" carry very specific connotations. Is everyone in your story always just yelling, or are they simply just speaking loudly? Sometimes the word "said" can go a long way, even if you add words like "angrily" or "happily" or "sadly" after it.
Hmm, remind me what Squall's past was? I've forgotten.
I do appreciate the imagery of the Memory Skyscraper going on here. I also find it interestingly amusing that they kept getting thrown into it. I have a sick sense of humor. Granted, I think I found it more amusing that the skyscraper itself didn't fall down from all the damage they likely did.
I am glad you didn't kill one of them there. We've had enough deaths for the moment.
| forevermagik13 chapter 26 . 7/8/2013
Sometimes I wonder if Ray should go to anger management classes.
Hrm, now I should teach you the wonders of hyphens! They're a wonderful tool.
Ugh, is Elysia going to be okay? I mean, I'm sure she is but...
So what made Ray's locks on Liam break? The building chaos?
Why is the King hiding himself away so? Is it because he feels he failed? Also... wait... Elysia's attacking him now? Oh goodness! Like... well then!
I do like the characterization you've shown there, though. The "she's just a normal girl, not some princess of heart, or with the power of a god" or anything else. It's really interesting. And the pendant thing is cool, too. Anyway... moving on...