|Reviews for Kaze|
| FinnJake Fan chapter 1 . 12/31/2013
Wow... just wow...
this is like the only fanfiction that i read WORD for WORD - and it was awesome!
| kamizon chapter 1 . 9/24/2013
Wow! Wow! Wow! My first time reading an NFS fic nd I get this!
My total thoughts on your story is summarized in one word; STUNNING!
I enjoyed every sentence of this story. Like I was behind the wheel with Kaze sharing the same mind.
I actually got NFS: MW about a month ago and havent completed it yet. I just beat Earl. Kaze is just a few spots in front of me and I'll be looking forward to racing her. I hope I'll be able to get her pink slip so I can re-live your story! Total Mayhem!
| StormRex Lancer chapter 1 . 12/30/2012
This is a very interesting take on one of my favorite members of the Blacklist. The car chase is very detailed and the way you write about the car specs and how the cars works like when you described about how you shift the gear, and how you managed to take down the cops while destroying into pursuit breakers, as well as the way the police reacted to the chase scene is well thought out. Like the way you described the CLK 500 as one of the 'meanest bastards' down there, because it is a tank in the game and able to mow down loads of enemies.
The way you portrayed Kamikaze is very chilling, insane and dark, that's not a bad thing, because as Rog said, she's a crazy bitch. The most impressive thing is that you gave a back story about how she had gotten into this state without letting her character development become very bloated. Kamikaze is a very crazy driver, as the Blacklist Bios profile picture shows, she's chillingly mad, and you portray that finely.
If there is one criticism, is that there maybe some bit of tense error at times, you sometimes switched back and forth from past to present, for example, you hear the composed voice is supposed to be, 'I heard the voice'. But other than that, it's a pretty solid characterization of one of the most insane Blacklist members yet :) Keep it up :)
| JBNFS91 chapter 1 . 10/21/2012
I wish there were more NFS fanfics that were as well written as this! Really good read. You could definitely make this a series, and write one for each of the 15 members of the Blacklist. I would definitely read those :)
| WrittenWithPencils chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
Oh, Kaze. You never not surprise us, don't you?
| darkin520 chapter 1 . 9/17/2012
You call this a bit of minor notes? Well, I admit, I know nothing about this game, but I really liked Mia. First off, a girl who can race is awesome! So of course I have to love her. And you wrote the race so well. I really loved how you described every moment, and I loved her thoughts throughout. But honestly, I think my favorite part was after she'd gotten home and we hear about some of her emotions about being sad and lonely. It just made me feel for her. Oh...and the last line. That's why you call it Kaze! I really loved this piece. Really well-written, and an awesome job you've done with this!
One tiny error: always a easy place to reach high speeds with mile turns-should be always AN easy place.
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
You get two reviews from me, hehe..
Just wanted to say that the 'equals' signs didn't show, so where there's two words smooshed together with nothing between them, there's supposed to be an 'equals' sign. Sorry, that turned out looking all confusing. I tried to be helpful...oops :p Sorry about that.
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
This fic gives me the strangest urge to kick someone's ass, or at the very least, grunt, scratch myself and hawk a loogie. This woman's like the toughest beyotch I've ever read about. I like it!
Some grammar suggestions from the first half of the fic, hope it's helpful! -
"There is no underground as there is in Bayview; everyone is brazenly tearing up the city in broad daylight; uprooting street signs, blowing up gas stations and tossing around station wagons in our wake."
Two semicolons in one sentence. It doesn't break grammar rules to do that but it almost always looks better to make a new sentence, but that's a preference.
" In truth, we're all pretty depraved and insane but I'm easily the craziest of us all."
I, personally, would add a comma after insane.
"The adrenaline I get is as natural as breathing"
I would swap 'breathing' with 'oxygen' to avoid mixing apples with oranges.
"having provoked a trail of (if I count right) twelve undercover Pontiacs courtesy of trespassing into heat level four"
I'm not sure how the 'courtesy of' fits in there there, but maybe I'm not reading it right.
"This happens sometimes, more and more lately."
"This happens sometimes, but lately, more and more."
"A bit of satisfaction peaks through"
peaks peeks, unless you mean it rises through, I'm not sure.
"as I see reflected on my side window that the planks of wood have fallen atop two of the police cars, and one more pulls over to help."
I would say, "A bit of satisfaction peaks(?) through as I see a reflection on my side window. The planks of wood...etc."
" they'd have enough to never work another day in their lives.'
I'd say "enough to retire on."
It's repeated in adjacent sentences. I would probably find a way to say it only once.
"crush through destroyed chunks of city"
"I focus back on the road ahead of me, getting my head back in the game just in time to perform a couple of sharp turns to crash my way across busy Project Boulevard into the entrance to the emptied sewerbed;"
Fast-paced and firmly packed sentences for a fast-paced fic! I would probably separate this into two, though, and change the first 'to' to 'I'.
" to stop me next"
I don't think the 'next' is necessary.
"shredded" makes me think strips. "Cleaved" would probably be better.
" If none of them are injured, I would be surprised, but at the very least, I've shaken off four cars by the time I've broken out of the sewer on the west end by Highway 201."
Two ideas in one, I'd separate into two sentences.
"People want my heads" heads head
"We don't talk; socialize." ; or
"begin to break into a sharp burst of speed"
seems awkward but I'm not sure what to suggest right now.
"blacklist" isn't capitalized like the others are.
" he's a poseur and a pig and his two cronies are even worse."
A comma after 'pig'. Also, I wasn't sure about 'posuer' so I looked it up, but can't find that it's a legit word. Not according to the site I used, which is pretty good, so maybe you mean poser, unless posuer is a slang term from canon.
"here-" two dashes will fix that dash problem
"If I don't do that there's nothing left."
A comma after 'that'.
"I grab one of the highway exits that veer towards"
I would say "I grab one of the highway exists that veers toward..."
"veering left as I notice"
word repetition in same sentence. You could say 'steering'.
"Despite myself, I grin." I'm guessing 'In spite of' would work better here.
"coming out of the other side in droves."
I'd say: "coming out in droves on the other side."
"than all of the" "than any of them"
"paint screeching off of my Mercedes works like nails to a chalkboard," screeching scratching, and would take out 'works' and add 'is'.
"coordinate themselves to surround me"
"acceleration boost and maneuver"
long sentence, so I'd say "...boost. I maneuver...etc"
"the highway stretches nearly a quarter mile wide."
"the width of the highway stretches nearly a quarter of a mile."
"trouble and they're surprised"
comma after trouble
To avoid looking like a grammar nazi, I think I'll stop. Anyway, I really liked this fic, I think it's really different, and fun, and makes you feel like you're right there in the race. This was neat. Nice work.
| Tune4Toons chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
Wow... First, I had no idea Kaze is a woman, so that's the alarm for fandom recognition haha. From what you have here, Kaze living for all this and the way you described her appearance when she looks at herself later on... Especially here:
[This is my purpose. It's unhealthy, it's illegal, it's fucked up and it's unnecessary, but it's all I'm programmed to do anymore, to cause chaos.]
So robotic almost from how she talks about herself, thrill and adrenaline being her jet fuel, and yet there are these different dimensions to her you feel during her little "ride" around the place. So alive during all that, but cooled down, wow... Speaking of ride, the only thing I'd suggest is to throw in a couple of choppy, super-short sentences during those high-pace moments to add that quick speed and adrenaline to it. I swear, there's a special place in my heart for independent female leads, and you've served it well. And the ending line, damn, pretty badass. XD Cheers!
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
Interesting fic this turned out to be! I played NFS: Underground 2 (not the same as the game you're describing) but it was still a sweet racing game. I would remember the numerous times it would take for me to beat the game, and when I did, I just drove around the highway at close to 170 and not a care in the world! This comes across to me as a fic with someone who loves to race, but at the end of the day, that's all she has going for her. Sad but nice at the same time! I found no grammatical errors while reading this, so nice job on proofreading! Once again, I enjoyed reading and reviewing this little fic; nice work! :)