|Reviews for Mass Symphony|
| TenDollarT chapter 7 . 2/24
Good characterization. I like the performance as a means of making the comparison.
Good Tali last chapters as well. Almost note-perfect.
| TenDollarT chapter 2 . 2/24
Good banter. Very good Wrex.
| TenDollarT chapter 1 . 2/24
We're off to a goddamn weird, but intriguing start.
Hmm. There's something to be said for a Shepard who's a little less stable then the normal though...
| TheWerdna chapter 3 . 2/6
Ohhh, looks like we got a bit of buildup to Garrus becoming attracted to Shepard, methinks. The interaction between them was very good here in that regard, showing the chemistry they currently have as friends very well.
I do feel like there was a bit too much telling the audiance things through Garrus' naration rather than showing it: but then again this was your first story, and you've clearly gotten much better in this regard going by everything else or yours that I've read.
| TheWerdna chapter 2 . 1/28
What? Ashley being actually friendly and somewhat likeable?! What is this dark magic!?
As my reaction above says, I really enjoyed the banter going on between everyone in this chapter, with it somehow making me like Ashley a bit. Which is saying a lot, as I really don't like Ashley all that much, so real props there.
Its a nice change of pace seeing things completely though Garrus' eyes, so I look forward to reading the next one!
| MassEffectBountyHunter chapter 1 . 1/27
This opening chapter is written extremely well in my opinion! It's not like other ME Garrus stories, it feels more realistic and not so cheesy. I really enjoy how you start this out in the Mako versus on the Normandy or the Citadel. Too many stories seem to start in those places. Another thing I really like about this, is the sense of intrigue and mystery I get when I read this. Garrus feels quirky around Shepard and I want to know why! It makes the reader wonder in an effective way! Great work there! I also like you vocabulary and use of words, makes things flow in your writing. No mistakes to point out, great work!
| adalan chapter 3 . 1/5
Ah, music-based tension. I am intrigued. I must read more to find out about this mysterious song! I like the way you took a step back from Garrus-Shepard direct interaction and approached it in a more subtle way. Garrus’ attempts to calm Liara are sweet and very much in line with his character. Thanks for sharing; I look forward to reading more.
Just one note for proofreading:
•sub-tropical zones there on
| TheWerdna chapter 1 . 12/10/2013
Alright, right of the bat let me say I am intrigued by the concept of this, taking a look at Garrus's relationship with Shepard in ME1 instead of ME2, and from Garrus' point of view. There isn't enough stories looking at the game from one of the other character's perspectives who is not Shepard, and those few that I've seen that come anywhere close to doing so well only have other characters as a secondary point of view that is shown occasionally.
As this appears to be one of your earlier stories, and that I've already seen that some of a minor issues I noticed here didn't prop up in your later works, I won't bore you by mentioning all the nuances you already have picked up on since writing this. Anyhow, I look forward to seeing more on this, so without further adue, onto the next one.
| adalan chapter 2 . 12/3/2013
This chapter is just ripe for Freudian interpretations - I love it! Having them work together to fix the Mako is a good way for them to be physical but not necessarily sexual. It helps to build up the tension.
I like your characterization of Shepard. I can't tell for certain if she is just crazy or unpredictable. It helps me to understand Garrus' confusion with understanding the commander.
I noticed a few typos, but nothing major. "Alot" should be "a lot". You have "an full" instead of "a full" at one point.
Thanks for sharing. Can't wait to see you again on the TAG thread!
| adalan chapter 1 . 12/2/2013
I am so jealous that you thought of putting a thresher maw attack in your first chapter! I like the limited POV of your story. I am experimenting with that viewpoint myself and it is good experience for me to see a writer handling it so well. The transition from the fight scene to Kaiden telling the story was flawless, and, looking back, it is the part of the chapter that stands out the most to me.
I like the mystery and the tension between Shepard and Garrus. I look forward to seeing how that plays out; I'm new to the Shakarrian fics, you know. Great work and thanks for sharing!
| Lachdannen chapter 2 . 10/12/2013
Honestly, I'm so used to Ashley getting a bad wrap, that reading a scene that really doesn't is nice (aside from the end, but hey if i was counting and people were doing that i would be irate too.)
No major grammar/spelling/puncutations notes that jumped at me.
I also really liked how seamlessly you move through him explaining Saelon in this, and how they have a actual had a conversation while working on something. you don't just...stand there and chat, then do things. it's a nice, full scene. you touch on all the senses and it's easy to visualize and see what they are doing, as well as hear.
| theherocomplex chapter 3 . 10/1/2013
Good idea to skip ahead in time a bit; I wish we had that option in-game! It's enough for us to hear about a lot of those side missions, rather than having them spread out and recounted in great detail. Your Garrus comes across as quite aware, and even generous - I particularly enjoyed his by-play with Liara in this chapter.
I do want to note that there is a lot of passive voice and tense inconsistency here. It's fun to be a bit more informal when we're so entrenched in one character's POV, but those aspects should be internally consistent. Trading all those "was going" and "were having" (for example) verb clauses for more active verbs will really punch up the narrative, and give the readers a better sense of action.
The mystery of the song continues! I need to know!
| MizDirected chapter 14 . 9/19/2013
The time and weather in this chapter don't make sense to me. It's raining during the ceremony, but while he is wandering, you don't make mention of it breaking and the sun coming out. Then at dusk he returned to her grave and sat in the shade of a tree. And Anderson does the bare feet thing... at night in soaking wet grass? Sorta weird. Then they talk for a while and still in the tree shade.
Other than that, awesome. I never do the whole funeral thing. Maybe I'll have a Garrus POV chapter cover it, but yeah, I like that it is so... generic. A military funeral on Earth at a Marine base. It diminishes her, and lets us on board with what Garrus is thinking and feeling. Love LOVE the conversation with Anderson and Garrus. I love how connected Anderson is with Garrus. Sort of like the two men who cared for her most share this bond.
Anyway, great chapter, but yeah, it needs the polish gun taken to it to kill the enemy and to dig us in a little deeper. It reads like Garrus is keeping us outside his head and heart a little. Although he is in shock, we should feel the depth of what lies under it, trembling under our feet like we're standing on a peat bog... the odd step causing a breach in the surface that lets all the ugly bubble through.
Hugs* thanks so much for this wonderful story. Enjoyed it so much, I sailed right on through the second one as well. You are one talented chick. ;)
| MizDirected chapter 13 . 9/19/2013
Heartbreakingly wonderful chapter. Mostly because of what we know is coming. Makes me sad.
I love the dichotomy of your Shepard.
Lots of the ancient enemy, especially the adverbiosi. Their evil know no bounds.
There was the corpse of a husk nearby, smoldering gently. - Two enemy here.
This is one chapter I would leave short, just take out the enemy to punch up the language a little.
There is a place at the top where you lose the tense, and a couple of places that seem to switch to Shepard's POV, so it should be clearer that he sees the signs of whatever she is thinking.
Now, I will go cry. *sigh* Poor Garrus. *weeps*
| MizDirected chapter 12 . 9/19/2013
What is it about Shepard that has bad guys blowing their brains out all over her? Think she ever wonders how many more times she's going to have to wash brains out of her hair? :D
One of my favourite things in the games is talking Saren down. It's a defining Shepard moment for we paragons. The moment is captured beautifully with that patented Garrus sarcastic, yet charmingly naive view of the universe. You're a genius. Just smack the dialogue tag thing under control.
I love it. Yep. This story makes me happy. And that's all I have to say about that.
* *Spirits, I hope she actuallly has a plan. - one too many of these is just like the others
* *"Of course I know what I'm doing, Kaiden. Just like I'm always aware of what you're doing, and what Garrus is doing. I even have an inkling of what the council will do when we're done with this mess, though I'm sure none of us will like it." - Ha! I usually growl something very like this at the screen . . . that and some sort of threat to build a brig on the Normandy to lock all the insubordinate idiots in.
* *People like us." Shepard tilted her head down, shaking her head slightly at his words, almost sadly. She sighed as he continued, "Sovereign recognizes your value. - Shepard's actions within Saren's dialogue is muddling. I went back a couple of times to recheck who was doing and saying what.