|Reviews for Mass Symphony|
| TheWerdna chapter 8 . 4/16
Well, for such a short chapter there is so so much here to talk many confused and conflicting emotions here, each perfectly befitting the situation. On one hand you have the sadness of post Virmire, with everyone's reactions just making it hit hard. I don't even like Ashley that much, but just simply describing how some of the other members of the crew reacting to it, particularly with Wrex being visibly distraught, really hit it all home.
Then there's Garrus's being jelious over Kaidan, mixed with his fear that Ashely's death might drive Shepard to sacrificing herself. You really can feel Garrus's entertainment due to all this, fear of Shepard finding out how he feels, envy for Kaidan there, and worrying about Shepard. Its this conflicting feelings, and the confusion it brings, that is portrayed so beautifully here.
So yeah, I really loved this chapter, probably my favorite in the story thus far. Serious props go out here, you fit so much emotion into a very small amount of words, which is a very difficult thing to do. So without further adue, time to stop rambling and go onto the next one.
| TheWerdna chapter 7 . 4/14
Awww, that is sweet, seeing Garrus finding more about Shepard's past, but also deciding to hide this footage of her as a child for the time being. Really shows how much Garrus cares about her. I wonder if he'll get together with her in ME1 in this story, or if She'll die before that happens and it'll have to wait till ME2
Besides that not much noes to way here. Great job, and onto the next one!
| TheWerdna chapter 6 . 4/12
I liked the dialouge here between Garrus and Liara, was very well written and both characters sounded like they should. I even made it through having to read a bunch of Liara dialogue without wanting to bash my head against something to put me out of my misery, so thats really something. What? I don't like Liara... at all.
Though I have to say, a fart joke? Really? Really? . . . Really?
Anyhow, writing was solid over all here, few minor issues here and there, but as you've gotten past those issues in your later stories I won't bother you about it here. So yeah, great job, and onto the next one.
| TheWerdna chapter 5 . 4/9
So, Garrus found out a bit more of Shepard's past, and with if some of the scars she carries. I like how he is a bit unsure what to do with this info, which makes sense. There is a good chance this sort of thing could upset Shepard if she's reminded of it more.
| TheWerdna chapter 4 . 4/8
Ah, it's been awile since I last read any of this story, which means I'm once again caught up on your more recent stuff. As I've said before, it's really cool to see a story of the games events from the perspective of someone who's not Shepard. Writting is solid as well, though not quite as mastered as your later work (for obvious reasons). Anyhow, solid work overall, so as always onto the next one.
| theherocomplex chapter 5 . 3/21
SHORT RANGE BALLISTIC LISTENING. DONE. I AM SO DONE.
Interesting to see the differing perspectives - how easily Tali got information, but how closed Shepard is to her crew. I NEED to see what makes this Shepard tick, with her heart like a metronome and her Mindoir past.
There's such great energy here - Garrus' curiosity, his banter with Tali - that small mistakes are easily skipped over. One thing: it's Kaidan, not Kaiden :) And the paragraph beginning with "FEROS!" is a bit confusing - I would consider breaking it into two sentences for better flow, because it's hard to follow as is.
Getting closer to peeling back this Shepard's layers - oh, Garrus, when will you release she comes to talk to YOU, no matter what she allows Kaidan?
| theherocomplex chapter 4 . 3/13
A short chapter, yes, but since you're dealing with events with which (many) people are familiar, it makes sense to move ahead a little quickly.
I did see a few too many adverbs - I'm generally fine with them (see what I did there?), but I would try to find more direct, action-based ways to describe events. Place us in the characters' heads by what they say and do to each other, rather than smushing it all to one word.
I'm so jealous of your energy level; there's so much passion rolling under these events, and every inch that Garrus peels back Shepard tantalizes me even more. What IS going on with her?
All in all, a good chapter - if anything, I'd like to see more. Don't tell me the fight is furious, show me how, show me Garrus' frustration and fear in trying to protect Shepard. I think that's much, much easier said that done.
| TenDollarT chapter 7 . 2/24
Good characterization. I like the performance as a means of making the comparison.
Good Tali last chapters as well. Almost note-perfect.
| TenDollarT chapter 2 . 2/24
Good banter. Very good Wrex.
| TenDollarT chapter 1 . 2/24
We're off to a goddamn weird, but intriguing start.
Hmm. There's something to be said for a Shepard who's a little less stable then the normal though...
| TheWerdna chapter 3 . 2/6
Ohhh, looks like we got a bit of buildup to Garrus becoming attracted to Shepard, methinks. The interaction between them was very good here in that regard, showing the chemistry they currently have as friends very well.
I do feel like there was a bit too much telling the audiance things through Garrus' naration rather than showing it: but then again this was your first story, and you've clearly gotten much better in this regard going by everything else or yours that I've read.
| TheWerdna chapter 2 . 1/28
What? Ashley being actually friendly and somewhat likeable?! What is this dark magic!?
As my reaction above says, I really enjoyed the banter going on between everyone in this chapter, with it somehow making me like Ashley a bit. Which is saying a lot, as I really don't like Ashley all that much, so real props there.
Its a nice change of pace seeing things completely though Garrus' eyes, so I look forward to reading the next one!
| MassEffectBountyHunter chapter 1 . 1/27
This opening chapter is written extremely well in my opinion! It's not like other ME Garrus stories, it feels more realistic and not so cheesy. I really enjoy how you start this out in the Mako versus on the Normandy or the Citadel. Too many stories seem to start in those places. Another thing I really like about this, is the sense of intrigue and mystery I get when I read this. Garrus feels quirky around Shepard and I want to know why! It makes the reader wonder in an effective way! Great work there! I also like you vocabulary and use of words, makes things flow in your writing. No mistakes to point out, great work!
| adalan chapter 3 . 1/5
Ah, music-based tension. I am intrigued. I must read more to find out about this mysterious song! I like the way you took a step back from Garrus-Shepard direct interaction and approached it in a more subtle way. Garrus’ attempts to calm Liara are sweet and very much in line with his character. Thanks for sharing; I look forward to reading more.
Just one note for proofreading:
•sub-tropical zones there on
| TheWerdna chapter 1 . 12/10/2013
Alright, right of the bat let me say I am intrigued by the concept of this, taking a look at Garrus's relationship with Shepard in ME1 instead of ME2, and from Garrus' point of view. There isn't enough stories looking at the game from one of the other character's perspectives who is not Shepard, and those few that I've seen that come anywhere close to doing so well only have other characters as a secondary point of view that is shown occasionally.
As this appears to be one of your earlier stories, and that I've already seen that some of a minor issues I noticed here didn't prop up in your later works, I won't bore you by mentioning all the nuances you already have picked up on since writing this. Anyhow, I look forward to seeing more on this, so without further adue, onto the next one.