Reviews for Victorian Book of The Dead
This-Is-The-Beat-Of-My-Heart chapter 5 . 11/30/2013
You have very bad grammar skills and you should use more details...also major OOC...You really didn't have good sentence fluency. It was hard to read the story and keep up with everything because your sentences are jumbled around. I Really didn't like the story plot although if it was worked on it could be better... It wasn't long enough either...look up tips online or ask a buddy for writing skills...PM a good writer on FF...watch more of the anime and really get down the characters actions...Like Mai and Noll acting together wasn't right at all. As well as Lin. Lin is very quiet and serious. Also Mai randomly dancing in the middle of a car and not knowing she was doing it and sitting in a daydream while Noll picked her up and swung her over his shoulder? More than likely he would of slapped her across the face (If they weren't together) If they were together he might of done that but Mai wouldn't of been in that bad of a daze (no matter how easily distracted she gets) And also Noll...just completely off. Like when he was asking her if something was wrong. Completely off and wrong. Noll is not a gregarious person. He wouldn't just go up and ya know like say somethings wrong with you what is it. That would be Bou-san or Gene. And Noll is very self centered meaning he has a lot of pride. Meaning he never would have admitted it to Lin that he liked Mai. Also Noll is very serious and says as what some people call says "Big words." Noll was only seriously connected with one person and that was Gene. As Gene died he just became an even more shut in person. Please try to fix his personality as well as Mai's and everybody elses, you had them all very wrong. Please take all of these suggestions as these would make you a better writer. I am in no means criticizing you I just suggesting you get better help in writing your stories. As because very critical writers would more than likely very badly flame your story. I'm also not saying that I'm a perfect writer. Look at any of my stories you'll see I'm a horrible writer. I only notice major grammar issues. Which this story has...
Jem Juliette Jewels Jade chapter 6 . 4/28/2013
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE XD PLZ UPDATE!
97vamp chapter 6 . 4/7/2013
Interesting...Can't wait to read more! I can't wait to see what this "Book Of The Dead" is! Well... I'm pretty sure it's a book but... I wanna know what's inside!
Reapa-San and Chop-Chan chapter 6 . 3/12/2013
Wow!
Lis congrats! I love it and Naru actually loving Mai but scared to tell her is sooo cute! . keep updating please!
-Chop
rhea116 chapter 6 . 2/8/2013
This Victorian thing sounds really interesting. And so far you've had Naru show some like the story is going to escalade quickly. Now the real fun begins now that the book has been introduced. Can't wait for the next chapter, update soon!
Maka12Albarn20Souleater chapter 3 . 1/19/2013
Good story so far, hey guess what, you like almost everything I like and can ya read my stories please, and hopefully we could be friends, hey have ya read any of EndlessSky26 stories, there really good please read them as well and specially "Through the fog" that's a good one as well and I know someone called Alicia and she's really nice, hopefully you are too, I do think you are, I never thought you weren't or anything but you know and I live in mid-Wales. Cool story!
Vanilla West chapter 6 . 1/9/2013
please continue your story I'm enjoying ittttttttttttttttttttttt.
Guest chapter 6 . 12/15/2012
I'm really enjoying the story please continue
Llama-Chan chapter 6 . 10/22/2012
Please, please, please update! I love this story but I really want to know what happens next! You're an amazing author, and I've read all your stories! Please UPDATE!
JigokuTenshi834 chapter 6 . 10/4/2012
_ Yay Lot's of chappie to read! I wonder when Naru'll confess
Cats with Bracess chapter 4 . 10/3/2012
nkawsfhiwjdqw i knew the lyrics by heart. omg. ke$ha i love you.
QueenOfTheives chapter 6 . 10/1/2012
interesting, update please :))
SymmetricalGirl8DeathTheKid chapter 6 . 10/1/2012
Omg awesome! I can't believe I'm a character in your story! I'm gonna have to put you in one of mine!
SymmetricalGirl8DeathTheKid chapter 5 . 9/30/2012
Aaawww that's so cute! Lin is so funny :D
SymmetricalGirl8DeathTheKid chapter 4 . 9/30/2012
Haha so funny XD awesome chappy!
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