|Reviews for Strawberry Fields Forever|
| AKAAkira chapter 1 . 10/11/2012
Eeh, I have a sort of...acquired distaste of poetry, so I might be a little biased here. Just warning ya.
What struck me as I was reading was, "verbose" fits this poem too perfectly. The parts about actually striding up to the drum set, preparing to play, perhaps even the details describing Yui herself, seemed so much more like prose rather than poetry. They described the situation, true, but they didn't focus on the actual act of playing the drums - which was the point of this exercise, right? It seems to me that you could've put the space to better use.
Otherwise it seems okay. I think you can try to exaggerate the act even further - for example, even the (in my opinion) best stanza ("Sound bursts from the snare drums like a rocket launching / to the moon, reaching the invincible ears of the drummer / ...") could be tweaked slightly to be more ambitious at the end ("... / until they reach the barrier of the soundproof glass walls" - "... / clashing at the barrier of the soundproof glass walls").
| Shinra-ex-SOLDIER chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
Yo! So sorry for not having reviewed this yet. I just finished org requirements at exactly an hour ago so I thought I should do what I should've done a long time ago. I've read it the night I read your pm but only reviewing it now.
Poems! That's something I rarely see and I can tell that you've achieved the objective of the assignment. I think you really brought out the vibrancy and energy of Yui in here. Those are really her characteristics. Job well done. Let us fill the world with Yui.
Yui - Yui EVERYWHERE.
| Jellyfingers chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
It's so pretty, and your vocabulary and word choices are amazing. I don't understand some of them, but I totally get the mood because the words sound that way and it's nice. x] AHHH IT'S SO CUTE AND PRETTILY WRITTEN. 3