|Reviews for The Madwoman of Skyrim|
| DragonsDeadAndDancing chapter 8 . 2/27/2014
-you have some minor mistakes
-you describe the characters very well
-you are funny
All in all, if you ever read this, please continue.
| DragonsDeadAndDancing chapter 4 . 2/27/2014
Hah! This will be funny!
Oh, and you forgot Sapphire.
| DragonsDeadAndDancing chapter 3 . 2/27/2014
I will, have. Your. Head.-You probably meant: I will. Have. Your. Head.
I like the way you use all these spells, I've never read a fic with Transmute or this...finding-way-thingie which you used in the last chapter (I think.)
| DragonsDeadAndDancing chapter 2 . 2/27/2014
I want that Skeever spell too!
Your writing is good. I like your humour. Mora Tapinella-what's next, Orange Dartwing?
Sometimes you do this:
The Argonian shook her head and stood her ground,
"Then you'll have to go sleep outside then."
Should be together in 1 paragraph. But I like the story, I'll stalk it.
| DragonsDeadAndDancing chapter 1 . 2/27/2014
You have sometimes problems with the talks. You have to do like this:
"If it's a sentecnce with a dot at the end", and make a comma and don't write the first letter big unless it's a name. "Like this!", it would be with exclamations or questions.
"Just keep her in the corner of your eyes at all times," Brynjolf warned. -This one you did right.
"I guess anything's possible. I hope she wakes up soon, then we can figure it out." Brynjolf noted. -This was wrong.
Everything else looks very good. I haven't read on yet, but I think they can't handle it...
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 2 . 11/1/2012
Not too much going on here, but again, my lack of Skyrim knowledge has me at a disadvantage here. Nonetheless, Brynjolf is certainly an interesting fellow, isn't he? Besides the difficult name (at least it's not Ratohnhaké:ton), what else can you expect from a thieves guild? Rune and Vipir's conversation at the beginning was pretty nice as well.
At the end there, it looks like he might be in a little bit over his head there, seeing that she's the stealthy type, but we can certainly expect more action, whatever the outcome.
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 1 . 10/31/2012
Well, I don't know alot about Skyrim, but here it goes. I certainly liked how you started out the chapter, and even though I don't know much of the characters in here, they come off as very genuine, and act appropriately for this sort of setting. It was a little hard trying to keep all of them straight, and some of them kinda blend together, making it difficult trying to distinguish them apart as separate entities. That's all I have for criticism though, because the setting has been set up pretty well, and the story is off to a good start.
| Ragnelle chapter 1 . 10/31/2012
No wonder Rune's plan fails before he even gets it part his friends: if he don't even know that chickens don't eat hay…
That was my first reaction when reading this first chapter, so I thought I would share it with you. I do not know the fandom, so if any of my comments relates to something fandom-specific, feel free to ignore it.
Rune strikes me as the buffoon of this group of characters, the comic relief. The roles of the others have not yet become quite as clear to me, but that, I think, will come further into the story.
But there are two of the characters I think could do with some further characterisation this early. Of course, this opinion are probably due to me not knowing the fandom and thus the characters, but I found it a little hard to follow the motivation of Mercer and Brynjof when it comes to the woman. And of those two, it is Brynjof that needs it most, since his choice of caring for the woman against orders are, I am guessing, going to be pivotal to the story. Why does he think she should take care of her?
I know that you do give a reason, which does serve to do some explaining, but still not enough for me to - at the moment - quite buy into the whole thing.
It might be that in canon Brynjof is just that kind of person; in that case a fan would get the point, but I still think it would make the story better if you included a bit more about him to make it believable without relying on the characterisation already established in the canon.
One reason I feel this way, might be because this first chapter consists almost entirely of dialogue. I get little impressions of the place and the other characters outside of the dialogue, and for me that alone did not quite convey enough.
The dialogue itself worked well, I just would have liked a bit more narration and descriptions in addition to what you already have. The opening paragraph had this, but then the rest of the chapter became too much of talking heads for me. I probably felt that way more because I don't know anything about the fandom, so I have no previous images of either the place or the characters to help me.
| Don't Mess With Aria chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
I don't think I've reviewed you before: I generally go through the piece, then make general comments at end.
odd-looking gets a hyphen
Hmm. it's a little difficult to keep all the thieves straight. Maybe some more description, some insight into their personalities?
*nonexistent, one word
"Gross. She reeks so bad," -this feels very modern; if you want Skyrim to feel more authentic, I would change that.
I'm noticing when you use dialogue attributions, you close the dialogue with a period- "Blah blah." He said. It should be: "Blah blah," he said. Comma plus lowercase. Keep the capital letter if it's a name, but as long as it's the same sentence, it's a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark, but not a period.
"Hell to pay" also sounds a trifle inauthentic; I don't think the Nords have the word Hell like that, given a completely different religious set up.
Haha, I like "knight in shiny leather."
Okay- I really like this. I especially like the idea of getting into the Thieves' guild like this; I've always liked them. It could use a little more description, but overall very nice.
| LadyDragon1316 chapter 7 . 10/22/2012
Ha! I'd say she's more qualified to be in the Cistern than Brynjolf. I know he means well, but it seems most of his plans stink as much as that milk.
Anxiously awaiting the madness! Keep posting, and I'll keep reading.
| LadyDragon1316 chapter 6 . 10/16/2012
Nice story, well written. I fail to see why she is a Madwoman...seems pretty sane to me.
| LadyDragon1316 chapter 4 . 10/1/2012
Haha! 'Mudcrab stuck in his pants'. I gotta remember that one. I'm enjoying this.
| strixx chapter 3 . 9/27/2012
So we're getting somewhere now!
I think my second favorite character is Mercer, just because he's so straightforward and nasty towards his guild. Of course, my first favorite is Jun. Because how could she *not* be? She's awesome!
I don't have any bad things to say about the writing, because, well, that's obvious. I don't have anything bad to say about the story as a whole, either, because I'm absolutely in love with the plot so far!
Keep on writing, ;}
| strixx chapter 2 . 9/27/2012
I honestly like all the little bits of humor you throw in every once in a while. It balances out the mostly serious tone of the story. I don't have much else to say about this chapter, other than everything about Jun's behavior, ;D
| strixx chapter 1 . 9/27/2012
Bah, nonsense! You're a very competent writer in my eyes! :]
I love your style; it's one of the first things that struck me. It conveys what it needs to convey and it gives some great description while doing so. The second thing was how much each character's personality really shines through - you stick to character very well.
So yeah, good job!