|Reviews for Echoes in Time|
| KatieTheBaka chapter 1 . 7/26/2013
Can you please, please, please add to this? I love it sooo much so far.
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 6/27/2013
One thing that stuck out to me when I started reading was the fact that the opening bit was basically what Rose Tyler said over various episodes. I know that this character is supposed to be friends with her, but I think that you might want to consider making this OC an independant character right off the bat. It's very difficult to create a canon character/OFC romance in any fandom, particularly one that people will be able to respect. So, it's just a thought, but I really would strongly recommend trying to make her into her own character without leaning on Rose. Part of that is biased because Rose is one of my least favorite companions of any Doctor, but a lot of it is the fact that I think that your character deserves her own character. With just this information, it sounds like Rose is speaking. And this beginning is crucial to both hooking readers and establishing the credibility of the character. So, it's really up to you, but that's what stood out to me there.
"...both normally had been natural night owls..." I had a little bit of trouble following the wording of this sentence. Might be worth revisiting it and tightening it up a bit. *shrug*
It might just be me, but I did also wonder how she was able to slip into her thin Converse with three layers of socks on. ;)
Another thing I noticed was that you use a lot of ellipses. There's not necessarily anything wrong with that, but I think that you might want to consider trimming some of them because they work better in moderation. For example, when you have: "You sure you don't need any help...?" you don't need that ellipse. It would work a lot better to say something about her trailing off or whatever you want to portray there.
I was curious about the characterization of 10. It seemed a little weird to me that he's just going all nostalgic when he's talking to her, but then we don't really have any background information about what's going on. I liked the way that you were able to do his dialogue, and I liked the way that you handled the mystery. I was a little skeptical at first, but I think that you've set yourself up nicely. Plus, I'm a sucker for angst... particularly 10!angst. It's an illness of mine, I swear... I do hope to see you continue this because I'm very curious to see where you go with this. Well done and good luck in the future!
| Revolving Dragunov chapter 1 . 5/22/2013
I know nothing about the fandom so I’m just picking out the things that stuck out to me.
“A week before, I and my boyfriend, Demetri, had moved into flat number forty-seven of the Powell Estate, a few days after Christmas.”
You don’t need the “had” after Demetri. The sentence will still stand fine without the “had”.
“Before going out, I wrapped myself up in three layers of sweaters, two layers of jeans, and three layers of my favorite pairs of white long-socks.”
Wow, that’s a lot of clothes! I wonder how she could walk in all of that.
“I, however, couldn't sleep.”
You don’t need the comma after “I”.
“I leaned back, tipping my head up to gaze at the stars...or, rather, the smoky night sky.”
You don’t need the comma after “or”.
“There stood a tall, slim man, dressed in a dark brown suit with blue pinstripes, a tan trenchcoat...and white Chuck Taylors.”
“He was handsome, to be sure. Friendly, and most definitely sober, check.”
The last part is a fragment and I suggest combining it with the first sentence while removing the “check”. I can understand if you wish to leave it as is but if you do that, replace the comma after “sober” with a question mark so it can make more sense.
“However, there was something in his gaze that seared into me as soon as our eyes met...it tore into the seat of my soul, bringing up something deep, and painful, that I couldn't quite explain.”
I love mysterious description!
“Pausing, he looked at me for a few, long moments...his , to me, seemed almost wistful, as his eyes seemed to (uncomfortably) focus on my face, as though he were apt to forget it.”
There is an extra space between “his” and a comma. Also the “his, to me seemed almost wistful” is confusing.
I’m not sure how that part exactly fits in with the rest of the statement. I don’t suggest having parenthesis in a story because it breaks the flow of the reading.
"It's New Year's Day! A time for new beginnings. To turn over a new leaf. Stuff like that. Cheer up, mate!"
The second part is composed of sentence fragments. I suggest combining it into a whole sentence. Perhaps “It’s a time for new beginnings, to turn over a new leaf, stuff like that.”
You're one of the few people I've met who are brilliant. Truly brilliant."
The last part is a sentence fragment. I suggest combining it to the first sentence with a comma.
“You sure you don't need any help...?"
You only need the question mark after “help”.
"They make me feel..." ...what was the word?..."...sad."
The “what was the word” part makes it seems like she is talking to him instead of thinking to herself. I recommend removing it, having that part actually be directed towards him, or changing up the sentence.
I like your disclaimer. It’s very formal. However, I suggest putting it at the beginning of the story instead of the end.
You had very good utilization of line spacing which made it easy on the eyes to read which is a plus.
Overall this wasn’t bad and the major errors were just either excessive comma usage or multiple “had’s” when they aren’t needed.
| Marzipan chapter 1 . 1/23/2013
Noononononononono! Was that ten saying goodbye? *cries* I can't contain myself...the feels...so sad.:(
| Romance and Musicals chapter 1 . 9/11/2012
This was good. I'm really interested to see how you're going to revamp this fic.
| Haziebug chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
Cool story! please update soon.
| loulouflowerpower chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
| Super-taya chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
Hello! How are you? However you are, I'm here to review your fanfic "Echoes in time".
it's great so far- I'm guessing that was 10? for a seccond I thought it was 11 and/ or 1. XD but I'm easily confused. the conversation was cute, and really, I only had one problem with one part-
"They make me feel..." ...what was the word?..."...sad."
Too many ellipses. There's great potential here, so I'll just sit back and see what comes from this. thumbs up, good job, let's see where in time and space this goes. Go team go!