Reviews for Broken Ocarina
IcMike chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
you like the word giggle ehh... every one giggles and giggles
Martin III chapter 1 . 9/14/2012
A pretty simple fluff fic, but what the hey - I enjoy these. There is a bit too much harping on the sentiment; for instance, "She was his best friend and he'd do anything for her." doesn't really add anything to the paragraph and is cliche enough that it sort of goes in one ear and out the other, so to speak. But the details you put in to the Launcher household's daily routine round this out to a pleasurable read. Mag's dream is an amusing bit of happy insanity, and Linear's fanciful descriptions of the flowers dancing and such works well.

It's nice to see that your grammar has improved considerably since I last read one of your works, but there are several slip ups and even a set of continuity errors. You say that "as Mag and Linear both went outside, Linear having her ocarina in her hands", but she immediately after "went to go grab her ocarina." And then she breaks it before she got it.

Still not a bad quickie, and it's good to see a new Evolution fic at last; I've been waiting for years.