Nice! Nice! Nice! Love the writing.

Man, that was a good chapter!
Keep em coming!

Ah, neglected to log into my account.

Gives me a chance to add this but of advice... don't let perfection get in the way for telling a good story. You can write and you know these characters well.

I enjoyed your chapter very much. This is always one of the most sweetly charming points in the game, Tali getting all excited about the Normandy and delighted that someone is being nice to her for once and Shepard (we) get to feel pretty good about ourselves for doing that. I enjoy your flowing writing style and the little details you add - such as Tali humming as she worked - which add so much richness to the story. Thanks, looking forward to more!

looking forward to seeing wrex and garrus' relationship change. it ought to be good.
keep em comin man, your doing great!

Good Chapter

I liked how you dealt with the whole getting weapons and armour thing. I know doing little side missions to earn currency to buy new weapons is a standard RPG mechanic but it makes no sense at all in a story. You get given a super advanced space ship but you have to buy your own weapons and armour?! Spectres have to pay for their own weapons?! Ridiculous! Mordin even made a joke about it in ME2 as I recall.

Would have been nice to found out Talis first impressions of Humans in general and Shepard in particular especially since they are going to end up together. If people fall in love at first sight then it just happened in that alley on the Citadel even if it takes ages for them to admit it to themselves. Perhaps you will deal with Tali and Shepards first impressions of each other in flashback soon?

Much better than the last chapter. More fluid, better descriptions, less tied to the game.

I especially like how you rewrote Shepard and Wrex's first meeting. Being fired on when I first visited the Den didnt make much sense to me, nor having Shepard and Wrex meet up in C-Sec. Your rewrite was much more satisfying and exciting.

And so we meet the wonderful and fascinating Tali. Would have been nice to get Shepard's first impressions of her... did he notice her attractive figure, fascinated by her exosuit, impressed by her pluck? Was he a complete blank slate as far as quarians were concerned or had he at least heard of some to the prejudices against them even. He must have had some preconceptions of some sort...

His first impressions matter because as science has discovered we fall in love instantly or at least within seconds even though it might takes us a long time or perhaps never to admit it to ourselves...

Another good solid well written chapter.

A couple of observations. One of the things a written story can do well that a movie or a game finds hard to do is interior monologue. There should be more description from Shepard's point of view based on whatever backstory you are giving him. A sole-survivor for instance might be more skeptical, cautious and distrusting than a war-hero for instance and that would in turn should influence how characters and places are described. And you could do with more description all round. Also, don't get too boxed in by the game or its dialog. Some of the games dialog is poor and the game itself very slow moving nay turgid at the start. Dont be afraid to cut and edit. I think I would have been tempted to start with the Normandy dramatically transiting through the Mass Relay and seeing the Citadel in all its glory for the first time and then having Shepard pondering and musing about the events on Eden Prime and how he felt about them. But thats me and not you. This is your story! but dont be afraid to cut and cut deeply.

Nice chapter!

Good to see a Mass Effect 1 story for a change.

Oh man, good stuff!
Mostly just canon, but it's still excellent writing.
Keep it coming!

Nicely done! Can't wait to read more.

nicely done suh. though im curious as to whether you intend for Tali to hook up with shep early? or are you following the actual story on that part?