|Reviews for The Shadows I Live With Are Numberless|
| Guest chapter 26 . 12/30/2017
Marvelous story! At times heart wrenching, dramatic, and with lighter moments of humor. Well done.
| alicia.steinke24 chapter 26 . 11/19/2017
it can't be the end
| mayawene chapter 26 . 10/2/2017
| bookgirl113 chapter 16 . 7/23/2017
Self-centered, murderous fool as always, Arthur. I really shouldn't be surprised. It's not like you can actually think a single original, selfless thought. You just destroy what you don't understand, consequences be damned.
| Kas3y chapter 26 . 3/1/2017
Great read, keep up the fantastic work :D
| Glam Gurl chapter 26 . 7/3/2016
This was GLORIOUS! What a wonderful ending! I loved it! BRAVO!
| NeverEndingFandoms18 chapter 26 . 5/28/2016
I found this fanfic almost by accident. I've spent the last three days binge reading it and I absolutely love it! Well done
| Superwholockmerlinwestwing chapter 26 . 3/5/2016
There was not a second I did not love. It was beautifully written and well crafted. Your use of language was impeccable (although old English did not yet exist). I hope you write more Merlin fanfiction because you are amazing. Thank you for this perspective changing story that I love so much.
| Oliver V chapter 9 . 1/18/2016
Read the Ch 9 Author's Note. Wow.
The story is blatantly about depression, self-harm and suicide.
If you've got a problem with that, Why Are You Reading The Story?
And then to COMPLAIN about it?
That's just pathetic. Typical, I suppose.
Decent story so far, Ddiwerth.
| EternalFire214 chapter 26 . 8/24/2015
What a perfect ending! I'm glad that percival, Leon and elyan got to find out about his magic in the end. Great story, although I had to read it in small doses due to the sheer amount of angst. Good job with all the reactions, too! :)
| merlinsass chapter 26 . 8/20/2015
THIS WAS SO AMAZING OKAY AND IM CRYING AND UGH UGH UGH UGH
I KNOW I SENT YOU A PM ALREADY BUT STILL
I LOVED THIS SO FUCKING MUCH MAN
| Larien Elanesse chapter 26 . 8/18/2015
OH. MY. GOODNESS. This story was phenomenal. For this being your first work, you, my dear, are a prolific writer. I just binge-read the entire thing, like one does with a 'couldn't-possibly-put-it-down-for-more-than-two-seconds' book. Like reading more every chance I get: whilst stopped at a red light, or as I'm brushing my teeth/eating breakfast/etc. Well done!
My thoughts are a bit scattered, so I will do the uneloquent thing and state them in point-form.
- your grammar is exemplary. Thank you :)
- as is your vocabulary. I always thought I had a well-developed vocabulary, but found myself several times looking up words you'd written in the dictionary :)
- I found that you just about always anticipated exactly what I wanted. Just as one of many possible examples: Arthur is dying of a stab wound. I think "ooh, this is perfect, as an opportunity to get more selfsacrificing!Merlin whump in there, I would love it if Merlin almost killed himself by using all of his magic and every ounce of strength to heal Arthur, which then begets more angst on the latter's part!"... And what happens next? Exactly that. Thank you :)
- for the vast majority of the story, I loved your characterizations and felt they were spot-on!
- as someone who has dealt/been dealing with several of the same problems as our poor Merlin has, I would like to say that you did a brilliant job of portraying what it was like to be inside his head and helping us empathize and sympathize (because they're similar, but not the same, haha) with him. Well done!
- yes, I cannot say enough that the amount of angst and hurt/comfort and caring!Arthur and selfloathing!Merlin was pure brilliance
- to illustrate what a good writer you are: you wrote several paragraphs describing Merlin's choice of knife used in his first suicide attempt. In many cases, this would be unnecessary and draggy and would annoy me as a reader. Not so with you; I lapped it up and found it added a lot to my understanding of the character and the situation and that it offered insight to what was going on in Merlin's head
- I am so inexpressibly happy that you didn't choose to abandon your story after you received all those negative reviews for making it 'too gory'! That would have been such a shame indeed, and I would feel less the richer for having read it! :)
- I like that your author's notes were present, but never rambley and taking up more than their fair share of the page. Also, that you acknowledged your reviews, but didn't spend half the page answering them at length in the chapter. I know it's a nice gesture from the author, but especially when I'm really into the story, it distracts me and I feel like I have to wade through loads of stuff first
- I also like the fact that you didn't beg for reviews. I've always felt like an author should first an foremost write because they want to, not do it for the sole purpose of getting reviews, and it made me want to review even more :)
- I also loved the scene of Merlin's funeral. I don't read deathfics really ever (I find them too upsetting, usually), but getting to read that aspect, where we get to see how affected Arthur would be, without the permanent loss, was brilliant :)
- when Merlin and Kilgarrah were in the field and Kilgarrah heard the rustling in the bushes, I totes thought that it was Arthur, having come to find Merlin! Yep, I called it :D haha. (Though I had hoped that, having heard their conversation, Arthur would have had a bit more faith in Merlin and would have reacted a bit better and more trustingly.)
- I also like how solid Merlin's reasoning was for wanting to end his life so badly. I find the depressed/suicidal Merlin stories just a bit hard to believe when his reasoning is "this life is hard, and I'm exhausted and no one appreciates me and I miss Freya", because I truly do believe that Merlin would hold his destiny of keeping Arthur alive above all else, including his own happiness. But your reasoning of those things, but on addition to "I'm trying my best, but everything I try to do falls to pieces and I'm actually doing more harm than good and everyone close to me dies and the world is better off without me" is solid and irrefutable (not that I agree with Merlin, of course, but it's understandable that he would feel that way, and I personally feel it would be sufficient reason to him to take such drastic measures. As I do feel that he really would require rock-solid reasoning.
I'm not sure if I have anything much else to say about it. In short: your story was amazing. I loved it. I wish it could have kept going. I would love to read a sequel, more stuff like your epilogue, like life for Merlin and Arthur after all these events and now that Arthur and the knights know about his magic! :)
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your gift with this fandom.
| merlinsass chapter 7 . 8/12/2015
im like shaking holy shit the suspense im
icann ot hAndlE
(this is really really rrEAALY good i lOVE THIS)
| Fantasy's Magic chapter 26 . 7/14/2015
I know it's been a couple years since you've finished this, but I just wanted to say that I thought this was an absolutely fantastic story, and I enjoyed every moment of reading it. You're writing is fantastic, everyone is perfectly in-character, and the plot was well thought and well carried out! Amazing job, thanks so much for writing and sharing!
| BrightGhost91 chapter 26 . 4/7/2015
This story was an emotional roller coaster. Thanks for posting!