Reviews for The Midquel: A Party And Events That Followed
NaNaChan95 chapter 6 . 11/23/2012
XD I died. I lmao and died XD.
Guest chapter 6 . 11/7/2012
This made me laugh! This hadn't been updated for a while so I thought maybe you'd given up on it, so I'm really glad you continued! Can't wait for the next chapter!
evanescentwallflower chapter 6 . 11/6/2012
O_o... Well... Heh, nice confession. Awesome chapter! Update soon please! :)
evanescentwallflower chapter 4 . 10/9/2012
... O.o Anyway... Good chapter! :) Update soon, please.
evanescentwallflower chapter 3 . 10/8/2012
Cliffhanger, cliffhanger, cliffhanger, I hate them so... -.- As always, awesome chapter! ;)
evanescentwallflower chapter 2 . 10/7/2012
Great chapter, but please try to make them a bit longer. Anyway, update soon! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
evanescentwallflower chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
Love the chapter! :) Can't wait for more! And thank you very much for the cliffhanger. -_-
Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
I prefer English diminutives.

You know it's butchering a language when Sonikku becomes commonplace. Think up an endearing name on your own, in English, please. Might get a few more laughs out of the audience as well as originality points. Manic girlfriends like Amy might as well call their ensnared mate Ducky. It would make perfect sense to them and we'd enjoy the outcome. Also, it would be your doing, not Wapanese copying.

Now that the most important part is done, let's get down to business. I can relate to Amy with her frustrations throughout the chapter. Paragraphs were all over the place. The format looked almost arbitrary to me, and it's something that can be easily avoided. One paragraphs per speaker. Every time you switch speakers or ideas differ significantly, make a new paragraph. This maintains visual appeal. It's what the readers expect. However, it would ruin the look of the paragraphs, revealing an ugly truth: the story feasts on dialogue, but it's skin and bones narration-wise. If you could manage to maintain such well-developed paragraphing and format speech correctly, you'd be a star worthy of a favourite. Not difficult to do, which is why it surprises me it wasn't done yet. You don't have trouble with grammar or spelling. That means you can do it. And do something about the weirdness with parentheses. Why do you surround them with commas? Best to reduce their numbers.

Hope you're not going to muddle every character's life with excessive relationships in the next chapter. Amy's obsession is understandable as well as her actions are. The awkwardness in roles she assigned others is a source of humorous drama, which I expect you to keep playing with. That's a conceptual strength. The part with Shadow was a cutesy and relaxing scene for contrast. Well-placed even with the separator cutting at the middle. A sane amount of variety in the chapter makes it easier to grab a bigger audience. You can only go so far on pure insanity.

Make sure the story goes further by fixing the format issues.

Have a nice, abuse-free day.