|Reviews for 111 Story|
| Daownlyone chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
U NEED A SPEASRMAN!( i'm only saying this because spearman's can later do oip moves :p
| SeasonalRayn chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
1 tip: watch your grammar, your numbers, and don't stress.
e.g. for grammar: mistake: "I so excited!"
It should be "I'm so excited!"
e.g. for numbers: 'Although she does not know the other group of 11 people,"
It should be 'Although she doesn't know the group of eleven,'
Cut out the unneccessary words. 'People' is not needed, 'does not' is formal and is just signalling that you would like to stretch out the sentence.
For time, however, you can keep it at the numbers, '8 minutes and 46 seconds', as it would just irritate people if you typed 'eight minutes and forty-six seconds'.
For "meanwhile", just put a line break.
e.g for stress: 'b Tyse /b and b Luin /b,'
Don't do that. The readers know and they can understand the names.
However, it is not recommended to put that many main characters.
By the way:
"Velaz very rudely cut in and annoyed the hell out of everyone. Everyone ignored Velaz and just sat down and started talking about the test."
Just do this:
"Velaz cut in rudely, annoying everyone. They ignored him and sat down, starting to talk about the test."
This as well:
"She, on her own, was going to take the test at El Nath and hopefully pass the test."
This will do:
"She was going to take the test at El Nath alone. Hopefully, she would pass the test."
See how much cleaner it is? It's neater and does not annoy the readers as well.
The story, however, is easy to understand and read. Just work harder on your grammar. :)
Most importantly, have fun
| Moonlight Resonance chapter 1 . 9/14/2012
Hi dex. Lol you write until so formal like that. It isn't good. Oh and I can tell Sabrina's gonna die muahahaha. Anyways.
This isn't english compo so you should write like you're actually the person. The reader should feel with you. Maybe when I feel like it I'll show you my writing. But that's till after EOY.