|Reviews for Deseo del Corazón|
| Guest chapter 8 . 2/7
Are you from the South? I'm pretty sure the English don't drink sweet tea for breakfast, nevertheless soda! Come on, these aren't Americans at lunch you are writing about, but British at breakfast. Try to put a little effort and thought into your writing, please!
| Martionmanswife chapter 8 . 1/10
this is a great read.
| Wolfisis chapter 23 . 11/12/2014
I did not see the sequel to this story but I found another on your page that I loved a lot...I was wondering if you changed the name up on the sequel? if so please tell me I would love to read it. Loved this whole story.
| misuky7 chapter 23 . 10/27/2014
This story was amazing. I cannot wait to read the sequel, I adore Severus and Hermione. :3
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/7/2014
Sorry, I honestly do not know where some of these reviews are coming from. I could not go on. After 15 chapters I had to stop. These are not Hermione and Severus. This is obviously an original story that you have interwoven with these known characters in an effort for feedback. There is no way you can expect us to believe you have even read the books, let alone written this for a HG/SS shipper. You have Hermione as a foul mouthed disrespectful tart that is one minute practically dry humping Severus to the next minute jumping off him because of a rape flashback. You cannot begin to even grasp the damage this kind of writing does to those that have been assaulted. For a woman that was raped, Hermione seems to fantasize about sex A LOT. Seems like you just threw out as many plot devices as possible hoping something would stick. She's a foul mouth, she's adopted, her 'adoptive parents' are super cool with her 'getting jiggy' with a professor, she is super mature yet she calls Snape out in front of his class, while she is in a professional capacity? Wow, this was just, I mean, unbelievable is the word I want to use. Your writing is not bad. It is just an insult you would pass these characters off as Hermione and Severus. Severus is nothing like this even in an OOC, AU story he should retain some of his innate personality traits. The fact that he looks 20 years younger should have been noticed by everyone. Look at a picture of Rickman in Sense and Sensibility and then look at him when he was 20, the difference is a very big one. You made it seem like he just looked less tired.
Snape in a nightclub?
Hermione a sex crazed traumatized bratty teenager? Shooting Severus with cold water simply because he said he'd throw a bucket of ice water on her? I mean, it was a bit too much, I know these are supposed to be AU stories but no flipping way. Hermione is just an annoying cunt in this story and Snape has no redeeming qualities at all. You have made him a Hufflepuff.
I tried, I really did to give this story a chance. I was able to read more when I just ignored that it was Hermione and Severus and read it as though it were just a story.
Lavender Brown is in Gryffindor, not Slytherin. How you can get this wrong is just careless, it let's us know that you did not read the books. It is these elemental mistakes that turn a reader off.
There is a lot more I would have put down but this is just a little off the top.
| gnrkrystle chapter 6 . 8/27/2014
If she wants to wait until she has 'enough money' to have a kid...she'll be waiting a Loooooooooong time. :P
| Guest chapter 23 . 8/25/2014
I cant wait for the sequel love it
| Courtney chapter 23 . 8/25/2014
Hey, I literally haven't read a fanfiction in going on ten years, not since I was in middle school... Anyways, my avid fanfiction reading friend sent this over to me in the hopes it would help inspire me to finish my own story I started about 4 years ago, lol. It's was a cute story. I don't know if you like critique or not, but I felt things happened too fast, and it wasn't built up enough. But you had a great plot! The only other thing I'd say (that almost kept me from completing it) was the gender roles. Hermione is just so weak in your story; it bothers me. I just felt like she was apologizing all the time, or fainting,, etc. FanFiction shaped who I am now and how I write. I know you said this was your first time starting this category. I think the biggest thing that would improve your writing would be to take things slower- be more meticulous about each scene. Often times I'd have to go back and re-read bc I couldn't understand what was happening because everything changed so fast. Great story though. It was a nice read over the past two nights.
| SeverusSnapesBelovedWife chapter 3 . 8/24/2014
:) :D great chapter!
| SeverusSnapesBelovedWife chapter 2 . 8/24/2014
Wow. Just amazing chapter. Just about burst my bladder when I read Severus' reaction. Spitting out his orange juice just from 1 paragraph. That reaction was definitely hilarious :)
| SeverusSnapesBelovedWife chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
Whoa some kind of ritual to find her husband. Bet Hermione wasn't expecting his name to come up. Just started reading this story but it looks awesome from what I just read. Awesomeness :)
| HP-Lette-Fan chapter 23 . 8/24/2014
Not too bad of a story. I'm glad that Hermione and Severus stuck it out even though the law got cancelled.
| WickedlySweetSilence chapter 8 . 8/22/2014
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/20/2014
YAAAAS! I LOVE MARRIAGE LAW FICS!
| Think My Name Is Funny Do You chapter 7 . 8/19/2014
eehhh... yep you just lost me there. Hermione Smith? That's original. Not to mention way to melodramatic and out of character. Too many changes for me.