|Reviews for Page 234 or doing my uncle's publisher|
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/16/2013
Okay, per your A/N, I wouldn't exactly say this fic deteriorated in quality once you added more chapters to it, but the cliches did start popping up. For that reason, I'd say the fic after the second chapter felt a lot less fresh and fun to read than the original oneshot was. There were three fanon cliches that especially glared out at me.
If Naruto had an uncle (Jiraiya), then why would he need Iruka as a "father"? Couldn't his father have been...Minato? You know, the actual guy? Neither Kakashi nor Iruka were important to the fic, so I don't see why Naruto needed an adoptive father at all, other than it being a fanon cliche to do the whole mother hen Iruka/Kakashi the perverted boyfriend thing.
Another thing is, why did Naruto immediately start in on Sasuke being a bastard the second he saw him in this chapter? At that point, Sasuke hadn't done a thing. It was Jiraiya who'd hit his car, not the other way around. As a matter of fact, Sasuke gave Naruto a handjob, so if anything Naruto should have been treating him like his best friend. Fuck that Sasuke for giving Naruto sex. How dare he! :P
And finally, why did Sasuke even need to resort to, essentially, forcing Naruto to become his lover? Naruto was pretty darn willing before. Couldn't he just have asked Naruto out like a normal person? After the great time they had before, any sane person would have happily agreed. And this brings us to our third fanon cliche: Uchihas get what they want, or in Sasuke's words, "When I want something, I take it." There was no reason at all to turn Sasuke into this kind of character, except, of course, that it's a prevalent fanon characterization of him. (Perhaps the Sasuke version of leather pants!Draco.)
Okay, so in your second A/N, you called the first chapter "far-fetched," but I actually didn't think it was that bad. Naruto was so drunk that I didn't blame Sasuke for not clarifying who he was. Maybe in his inebriated state, Naruto would have gotten pissed off and thrown him out. So I don't think it was terrible for Sasuke not to say anything because it was really Jiraiya he wanted to speak to, and in the mean time, Sasuke probably figured he'd just humor the crazy drunk until Jiraiya got home. So, okay I could accept all that because it seemed reasonable enough, but Sasuke's actions in this chapter went way far into the spectrum of the unreasonable. I just couldn't buy it that (rich and sexy) Sasuke would be so desperate for *virginal* Naruto (how good could the sex have possibly been when Naruto was THAT drunk?) that he would resort to blackmail and spoiling Naruto's other chances for employment. Was Naruto's ass really worth whatever hardball tactics he used to get him blackballed? (It's not exactly smart corporate sense to go around possibly pissing off the other local businesses.) Are these the kind of corporate practices that got Sasuke to where he is today? So I think the whole Uchihas get what they want mentality really works to the detriment of the story.
Overall, I wouldn't say the second chapter was bad, just a let down in comparison to the first chapter, which was really quite fun and unique. For this second chapter, I think there were a lot of humorous ways you could have gone with a couple that met under such odd circumstances. It just perplexes me why you'd decide instead to go back over such familiar territory.
| ILoveGoten1999 chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
Lol Facebook XD see us Tumblr people are trustworthy... I just about died when sasuke said he wasn't here for the book !
| mizscha chapter 3 . 12/9/2012
omg how could i not notice that this is not completed yet. and when i reread this, i was like, wait why i felt like i never read this chap 3 and i was excited to find out that u're continuing this,
omg that's just amazing
| KitsuneLuvr88 chapter 3 . 11/24/2012
Ahahahahahah sooooo funny!
| yaoihime22 chapter 3 . 11/24/2012
Great work. I would love to see ur hands on a little felatio .lol. i love that ending. I do hope ur going to add more to it.
| AllenxKanda2 chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
Wow... Just... I can't even imagine how he's is going to respond to that. THE GOVERNOR IS ASKING TOO MUCH! XD Please update soon!
| lil-Vixen24 chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
Ahahaha poor Kono! Naru-chan only belongs to sasuke :3
| TheAmazingBouncyBall chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
Sandiclaws I do believe I love you
| fangirlandiknowit chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
Thanks for the third chapter! This fic is really funny;) And hot of course!
| chibi'sapphire chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
This has been a fun read!
Sadly, this will be the last chapter. I enjoyed this too much I don't even know what to review on. The pedobear's joke is not really offended me (It was cute how Konohamaru acted towards his ANIKI)
I kinda like how you portrayed Sasuke here. It's refreshing )
| ToXicStArCaNdy chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
really liked it, ive always been one of the people others decide to drop there kids off with actually kids juct love me and im not sure as someone employed to watch kids timeout doesnt ever work and the bratty kids who know more about what you cant do then what they should be doing are always missing a good beating(spanking if you will).kids always remember the things you dont want them to the most the wrestling and boyfriend thing will never be enough about my rant on kids really wonder how naruto will get away from the prostitution thing since he is gettingpaid for his... wait to see what happens next.
| KyouyaxCloud chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
in the end, sasuke did not answer naru question about their relationship...
| Mana-sensei chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
haha the way you wrote Sasuke is just too funny XD
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
This was such a great chapter, it was totally worth the wait! I think this was the best one yet. Anyway, Sasuke was actually sexier in this one and the kids were so adorable. Thanks for this.
| Apollymi28 chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
lol nice chapter. Hot lemon. Hope next chapter or the one after that they will set up an actual relationship. It's going to be tough explaining everything to the governor.