Reviews for Memory and Desire
RikuIsKing chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
My overall impression of chapter 1 was the beginning when Ike was describing his surroundings, when he had just awoken to me as a reader it gave me a sense of being in his shoes almost; I was seeing the world through his thoughts beliefs and actions. I thought that was very unique because well you don't get to read many first-person point of view stories on fanfiction and that most times most people don’t write them correctly but I can say I smiled because this was one of the few that were done right or had a wonderful start. :)

I enjoyed how you described Ike and how he would think and process things. I think he was very in character, which is always a plus when dealing with stories focusing on re-telling. Mist came off to me as a young girl who is just that fun loving, carefree and someone who really loves her brother and misses her mother. I haven't watching the entire game but I believe this is true. I don't know why she is always humming her mother’s tune though. I was thinking that maybe you could add a part when Ike thinks of his mother and her tune or just explains why she enjoys humming it even if it’s because she likes the way it sounds or its to keep the memory of her from dying either way I believe that would give me as a reader a better look into Ike's mind.

Ike's father is a completely different story though he seems to be that stereotypical father who is overly protective of their little girl and very harsh on his son because he wants him to become a better man then him one day even if it’s not in the areas that he would expect but still pushes Ike to his limits in order to surpass him one day. He also shows a lot of tough love to Ike because he is a young man who is still a little naive and blind to how cruel the world can be. He also sees the downfalls and childishness (no other word to use) of Ike that Ike himself fails to see at times but Ike also has much potential that his father fails to see that everyone can. You made this very believable to relationships that people have in the real world to their parents. :D
Gunlord500 chapter 3 . 10/21/2012
Hey man! It's been a while, but I thought to give this third chapter a look :D Generally, I think it's very well written, but the problem with that is that it doesn't sound very 'Boyd'-ish, you know? His speaking isn't as formal, and thus his thinking/narration wouldnt be as formal either. Also, I think the description of Mist as a "Saint" is waaaaay overdone. Still, very good overall :D
FIckerkdn chapter 2 . 10/4/2012
Once more another amazing chapter from you. The details were wonderful in this, the large paragraph in the middle threw me off slightly, but no biggie. Your writing style is fascinating, keep up the good work. :D
Gunlord500 chapter 2 . 9/30/2012
Been a while, my friend. I owes ya a review! I'm not sure if you want me to go over this with a fine-tooth comb like last time, I think this is a solid continuation of the previous chapter, though there are a few oddities here and there (I would use "shadows" rather than "umbrage," trust me XD). Nice work overall, IMO. Thanks for writin! :D
Gunlord500 chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
Well now, this is satisfying, very satisfying indeed! You sent me this fic a while ago to look over, didn't you? I already mentioned a lot of stuff in my emails, IIRC, but just wanted to pop by and tell you good work :D :D
Reader chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
Nice. Your narrative is immersive without being too detailed, the dialogue fits the characters and you're clearly taking a much more in-depth look at the game. I especially appreciate your attention to detail when it comes to characterization, and the fact that you explored Ike's flaws as well as his admirable traits. That makes the story both more believable and makes the characters easier to relate to. So far, I've really enjoyed this, and I look forward to seeing how you portray the rest of the cast.

I went on your profile and saw that this is the first story you've posted on . I wonder how long you' ve been writing for? Anyway, this is an impressive start if it's one of your first stories.

There is one thing I noticed around half way through this, and it's nothing majorly serious, but you did switch between past and present tense a couple of times, probably without noticing. It's quite easy to do, I should know, but maybe you'll want to go back and switch those parts to past tense again.
FIckerkdn chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
Wow...this was so well written, and the emotion in the words just grabbed a hold of me and had me reading till the very end. Amazing job with this! :D