|Reviews for Serrated|
| ASmilingTyrant chapter 3 . 11/30/2012
After reading the beginning of the second chapter I understand your use of pronouns! Sorry 3
| ASmilingTyrant chapter 2 . 11/30/2012
A few things, I agree with others when they say to make your chapters longer to increase character building. I would also reread your chapters before posting them, you seem to have silly grammar and spelling mistakes that could easily be avoided by a proof read. Also, is Fey a boy or a girl? In this chapter (2) you switch his/her pronouns frequently. Make sure you are consistent with gender pronouns, otherwise it gets really confusing! Other than that well done, I'll definitely continue reading :)
| LadyMizuYamazai chapter 4 . 10/11/2012
Upload a chapter soon?
| mcpidy chapter 4 . 9/26/2012
I think you did a good job with this chapter. Nagi did come off a little OOC but it wasn't ridiculously noticeable. Senji was very well written but his conversation with Kaito was too brief, making the scene almost pointless. Next time try and have some confrontation or maybe the budding of a new companionship happen. I really liked the instant with Fey and that Undertaker. I sense there is more going on there than what was let on.
Good work on this chapter, I look forward to more!
| mcpidy chapter 3 . 9/19/2012
Good chapter :)
Another suggestion would be to try and avoid cliched lines like this: "And with that Kaito told his story." It doesn't make for a strong ending line and it comes off kind of cheesy. I do like how you portray the characters though. Fey is certainly interesting to read and Nagi was kept in character. Again try to stick with longer chapters so you can get better character development.
Keep up the good work!
| mcpidy chapter 2 . 9/16/2012
I like what you have going on. My only suggestion would be to make your chapters a bit longer so you can get a better feel for the characters. Other than that you're off to a great start!
| CloudyRaven chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
This different from what most fanfiction I read on here. You have a good start on this story keep it!