Reviews for Legend of Crystal
QuillMind chapter 1 . 11/13/2012
You've categorized this as a Deus Ex fanfic, but there is nothing from that universe in this story aside from the vague description of a cybernetic arm. There is very little backstory or buildup to where we are, who these characters are, and how they supposedly relate to DX.

Be careful of turning descriptions of characters into just a shopping list of features. "Xiroa loves Rock, dubstep, steam punk clothing, wears blue shades, a bright purple neck tie and arm cuffs, and large, dark purple boots" is boring to read and does no favours for the character.

Introducing "Zeus Ex" as some new term is a wrong move as well-first and foremost, it doesn't mean anything; you say that it is the term for what the character Xiroa has become, but we already have words for that: augmented. Or cyborg, even.

You may want to rework this as an original fiction, or make it actually have ties to the Deus Ex universe, because as this stands, this story is out of place in this category.
Anzer'ke chapter 1 . 9/27/2012
One day you may understand why no one is reviewing this mary sue trash pile. Until then I invite you to search google for the mary sue litmus test and fill it out for your Zeus Ex...

Do you even know what Deus Ex means?