|Reviews for Antiquated Love|
| Lord Dream chapter 3 . 1/15
This is now the second flashback chapter. If this next chapter does the same thing Im done.
| Waki Paki chapter 17 . 3/24/2016
As soon as I read Garrus say "Enough about my love life, what's going on between you and Kasumi?, I knew it was JL. Nice. Very nice.
| vipekoi chapter 1 . 3/6/2016
Wow fantastic story, i especially liked how you started the story up, i often find the intro to many fanfiction to be a little boring or to much alike, can only say keep up the good work :)
| pyrojack25 chapter 5 . 2/29/2016
| Nexus chapter 27 . 2/25/2016
This is a ******* love story! Kasumi should have died. And Brandon couldn't have survived. How many shots did he take?
| ThatOneFanficReviewer chapter 36 . 1/31/2016
I think something is wrong with me. I've been liking more Fan Fictions recently. Antiquated Love is a good story, with an OC. My mind is blown! Detective-Mason did an amazing job with this story. Our OC Brandon is by far the most interesting OC I've seen so far. But than again all I have to compare him to is a despersed mother, a tactics instructor, a dog, and a twat. So, that may change in the future.
Antiquated Love starts off with the descriptions of a gun fight, and what appears to be Brandon's dying thoughts. Wow, that's a depressing start. And then it goes to the past events leading up to that point. So the OC is guarded plot armor. Then when Shepard finds Brandon he's a drunk on Omega. Um... why? Keep reading ThatOneFanficReviewer and you'll find out. He goes on to tell Shepard about why he is where he is. With remarkably intriguing Purple Prose coming from someone who's intoxicated.
He gets himself cleaned up and meets up with the Normandy crew... Tali's on the Normandy, but Garrus isn't! What makes you think I'm this stupid Detective-Mason? Just keep reading! So, I did. And let me tell you, Detective-Mason managed to do the impossible he made me forget that Brandon is guarded by plot armor. Seriously, congratulations on making me forget about that. And the plot armor doesn't even stay with Brandon throughout the whole story, so bonus points to you there.
I did spot a tense swap, a few grammar errors, along with some missing and unnecessary punctuation errors. But, they're so far apart that they can be forgiven and besides no one on this site is free of that curse. Not even me. And let me say this: Detective-Mason you know how to do romance right! The best romance stories are slow paced and subtle and that's exactly what this romance is. And even more bonus points you managed to make your OC have flaws and have his strengths show even during his moments of weakness.
There is one thing that I've turned on my PM for because I want to know why the sneak peek for your next story is in this one when you have your next story out. Seriously, why is that sneek peek still here? I want an answer to this. Nevertheless the criticism I've given this story is only a small cut in its greatness and can still recommend Antiquated Love.
| Lachdannen chapter 3 . 1/10/2016
...SO. it was pointed out to me that I didn't actually um...DO my last review. So...here I am. Playing catch up, apparently. XD
Alright, so we set the way back machine to a full year before the Collectors. Which is fine, I like the idea of filling in the space, but I'm still getting the mysterious wandered vibe off Brandon, and not answering some key points: who is he, why is shep going to know him, ect. If this is between ME 1 and 2, then that's already happened, and us as the reader, arent' going to have a clue.
POV: You shift POV's here in a really awkward way between our maiden in distress and Brandon. One second it's her, next it shift back to him with no warning, nothing. Either full shift to her and stay with her for a bit, or stay with Brandon and give the scene to us from his POV.
That scene also had another "er, what?" moment for me: the shooting of the turian and batarian weapons. Which very cinematic, it's also nearly impossible for even an expert marksman to do that kind finesse shooting from the the hip, and definitely not without someone getting hurt in the process. You could get the same kind of routing of the scum by a pair a quick blows and then quick drawing the guns. As it stands it feels a bit over the top: but to each their own.
Okay, so the ship is in a LOT worse shape when he gets it than last chapter made it seem. which helps settle my original concern some.
Something tells me Shauna is a sacrificial lamb to kick our poor Brandon into the gutter. I think I would actually vote to cut the previous chapter and move it down, and lead off with this as chapter two, so it's not quite so obvious what you are going to do to our poor resident quarian. (the talimancer in me says I should beat you till you save her. The sadistic writer in me who feasts on reader tears says "MAKE IT HORRIBLE AND HEART WRENCHING. BE THE MONSTER YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE.)
I am getting off track. Sign I should wrap this up.
Biggest thing I wanna see as an improvement would be more motion/movement around your dialogoue. You don't need to have every one have something, but yours dialogue seems a bit thin on the extra details around the conversation.
But again, this is an early story. So maybe improvements already made in style. Onwards!
| 5 Coloured Walker chapter 36 . 10/27/2015
This story deserves far more reviews then it has.
This is an awesome fic, I look forward to reading your ME3 fic.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 18 . 9/24/2015
Love the response to Synthesis. The price was too high.
| Legendary Junk Mail chapter 17 . 8/23/2015
Justice league reference made me laugh, thanks for creating a kasumi romance which has some good emotional detail as well.
| Lachdannen chapter 2 . 3/9/2015
Er...Alright. Round 2, ding ding!
Well, first thing, if you are going to do this chapter, why did you lead us off with the Collector one last chapter? This one to me serves that same purpose of trying to get us hooked in. In some ways this is better than that last one, in some ways it's not as good, but we'll get to those. If you get back to around to editing this, I would recommend picking one or the other.
Good parts of this is you get a lot more info, details and insight to Davis. And you do it by not telling us directly, but by giving us the details through the dialogue, so good.
The downside though, is you also are giving us this connection that I can't really feel. Shepard clearly knows this guy, but this is an OC as far as I can tell (I went looking through the wiki, and I can't make him up with anyone) and they clearly have had SOME history. But at this exact point, it feels like you are jamming it down the readers throat, forcing that connection there. IF you want to do it this way, first thing I would start with is eliminated the side character mentions with their names. Refer to them as "the two women" or something. get us in his POV: he wouldn't know jack, or Miranda by name.
The other thing to help this bit, would be to give us that connection BEFORE you toss shep at him. Have him reminiscing about the Normandy and what not or SOMETHING that will put him in context before you start having Shepard go "hey, hey you, i know you!"
Last crit point is the staggering back to his ship to talk. He's too drunk to believe it's actually shepard, but not too drunk to want to talk in private to his hallucination. Spin it as more a I'm outta here kind of thing, and have shep follow him instead, would be my suggestion.
So, stronger start. Lets see what else you got :)
| Lachdannen chapter 1 . 3/9/2015
Well, I started to do my review for the OTHER story, but i started reading and was missiong context, soooo, here I am.
And Damn. Short chapters to start, to the point that my crit has to be on that point: I have no time to get attached at all. This is clearly a prelude/teaser, but it isn't enough to grab me and really yank me in. Just a lot of "this guy is having a really bad day."
Minor grammar thing after "Don't want to come back a husk" - Not sure about the "but" there.
All in all, give us more. I'm actually gona skip on over to the next chapter, because this is short enough that i might as well, just to see what is going on, continue the review. I'll wanna get through this one to understand where you are in the second story, so keep tagging and i'll try and blast through this as quick as possible.
| yahiro365 chapter 36 . 2/4/2015
Yaaaaaaasssssssss! I'm soo glad this fic is still rolling! Absolutely looking forward to whatever you have in store for us! See you next time!
| ProfFartBurger chapter 36 . 2/2/2015
I think you made my day, my friend.
A perfect tease, I can't wait to see what you've got coming next.
| Collard Greens chapter 36 . 1/30/2015