Reviews for The Unraveling
nachtdemon chapter 20 . 1/11
Very well written!
Syraithian Black chapter 20 . 2/2/2016
I really enjoyed this - the characters felt real and believable, as did the events of their first weeks in the game. I seriously got into this and had a lot of fun reading it, so thanks for writing it! :)
Guest chapter 14 . 12/30/2014
kirito you antisocial ass
Guest chapter 9 . 12/30/2014
damn kirito's hogging the cool sword
Guest chapter 5 . 12/29/2014
technically they can have sex
looks awkwardly with twitching eyes at asuna and kirito in chapter 16.5
Guest chapter 3 . 12/29/2014
(lol wait until kayaba trolls)
Evelhundrege chapter 1 . 12/20/2013
Interesting OCs. I expect great things from this.
all forms of fluff chapter 20 . 11/8/2013
A damn fine story. The two OCs seemed like real people compared to the fantastical anime/manga quality of the characters in the cannon material. Granted the story is ment for entertainment for teenagers to adults and needs some aspects of MMORPGs being glossed over in favor of making the story more 'fun' to watch. That being said this particluar story could have had a few more action sceans, or maybe some more game mecanic descriptions, if only to flesh out your version of SAO which might not be vastly different then what little is mentioned in the source material. Then again there is two other stories with these characters in them so maybe you do get around to it. This story seemed to be an introduction of the Camilla & Kadyn, and in that sence you have suceeded. SO I will thank you for this story as it was a good read, and I am off to catch The Red Valkyrie. Untill then Thank you for the story.
Guest chapter 20 . 8/22/2013
Great story. My only complaint is the Kadyn hasn't really done much compared to Camilla
skywiseskychan chapter 20 . 7/23/2013
Fun little story. I really rather enjoyed it.
skywiseskychan chapter 17 . 7/23/2013
I just have to comment, I love the bit about good UI if not being a death trap. That was hilarious.
bobbo chapter 20 . 4/30/2013
one of the most disturbing things about Kawahara's story is the implications of the demographics that would be playing. it's probably mostly kids.

also you have a damn good fic here.
bobbo chapter 6 . 4/30/2013
you write terror well.
2ndsly chapter 20 . 4/8/2013
You have a talent for writing Fanfiction. Every fic of yours I've read has been more like expansions of canon then fanfic. I loved the way you gave life to this otherwise unscripted area, the way it flows into canon elements makes it seamlessly blend.

That said, I did have one small issue. I engyed the story, but it feels more like slice of life/intro then a story. It has most the proper elements, but it doesn't feel complete in and of itself. I think what hurt it most is we never actually so the final transformation that made these two people(which you did a marvelous job depicting them as realistically as possible) go from resting in a safe zone to pulling their armor back on. We know why, but there's something lost in it. It feels like there could have been more then a detailed summary. As is it just doesnt seem to cap the ending like it could.

These effects are downplayed, and in the long veiw unimportant, because there is a sequel up. Few are going to worry at the end to this story when they can just jump into the next.

Good work.
Palistus chapter 3 . 4/4/2013
As a note, you can see other player's menus/HUDs. This is noted in the fact that Sachi figured out Kirito's level difference while she was staying with him since she peeked at his character info menu while he was doing stuff on it.
40 | Page 1 .. Last Next »