|Reviews for Persona: The wheel of fate|
| Bladestar123 chapter 1 . 10/25/2013
Update this awesome story please!
| The 10th Wand chapter 14 . 10/24/2013
Noooooo?! That is the reason? I've seen writing way worse and your writing really is not that bad.
| The 10th Wand chapter 13 . 10/24/2013
darnit I've almost caught up.
| The 10th Wand chapter 11 . 10/24/2013
weird how both events are happening at the same time but that is what makes it fun and kinda realistic if you think about how real life might work.
| The 10th Wand chapter 10 . 10/24/2013
Yeah I hear a lot of people do that with Abaddon, though I never did myself simply cuz Abaddon was an uglier muk.
| The 10th Wand chapter 8 . 10/24/2013
| The 10th Wand chapter 7 . 10/24/2013
Hi do you know where I can read the VN because I only watched the anime and it didn't do a good job with Shirou?
| The 10th Wand chapter 5 . 10/24/2013
really great story.
| PhoenixFTW chapter 14 . 10/22/2013
Suggestions for improving yourself:
1. Read a lot of books written in English.
2. Get a Beta, and have them explain why the made the changes they did.
| Deeep Sea chapter 14 . 9/9/2013
Honestly, there's not much else I could suggest since your other reviewers seam to have gone through all the methods usually used to improve ones handwriting. I, for one, was surprised at your AN. There wasn't anything major I would have noted in your writing. A few things here and there but I would never have called your writing atrocious.
All I could say is continue writing and you'll steadily improve if you try. And ignore all all those that do flame your writing. Cause they obviously haven't actually tried browsing through the site and reading the countless other fics that have spelling and grammar levels of a elementary schooler.
And in response to that one reviewer that admonished you about not including enough enough information on persona for fans of Fate/Stay Night; there's a reason that this is a CROSSOVER. If they don't get things then it's hardly your fault. IMO you're doing fine though. Can't really say anything since I have never enough touched nor seen anything Perona related yet. But yet I'm following your fic just fine.
Anywho, good job and keep up the good work!
| yoru657 chapter 14 . 8/29/2013
I am currently taking classes for an education degree and, to be honest, the best way to get better at writing is to keep writing. If your grammar needs help there are two things I would recommend. First, I would start reading a lot of higher level literature, reading is writing and vise versa. If you read then you will automatically become more familiar with how the English language works. The other thing you could do is get a beta to read your work. You said that the Beta would help your stories, but that it would not be you improving, however having someone give you feedback on what you are doing is extremely helpful in learning better grammar and syntax. Personally, I think that you are doing really well with this story. There are mistakes but they aren't usually distracting enough to remove my enjoyment of what is happening in the plot.
Anyway, I hope you continue your writing.
| L.R chapter 14 . 8/12/2013
Honestly, I would suggest simply going back to the basics. If you feel as if your writing is atrocious now, it might be that you need to review the basics of English again as well as just carefully rereading your story for potential errors you may have missed the first time. And then rereading it again a day later in a different state of mind. Your writing isn't bad, per say, but there are moments where you put words that shouldn't even be there in the first place without noticing it was there anyways. It's likely just mistakes that come from quick typing, but that is easily fixed via just being more careful. It's awesome to see that you're trying to improve, but I think what you should really do is ask someone who is considerably more experienced, like a English teacher/professor.
| Leo-Novum chapter 12 . 8/6/2013
Just a thing, you are squeezing in too many elements extremely quickly.
| Leo-Novum chapter 5 . 8/6/2013
I would like to say that your story is quite exciting and your writing is quite solid and marvelous. However, I will have to be honest here.
You string together improbable events together and this gives this story an unrealistic touch. Like the fact that the doctor was immediately concerned about Minato's education even though his health takes top priority. And the fact that you refuse to explain certain other things. I mean, even though this is a fanfic where most readers know of the history and context, it is a crossover fanfic in which two verses have been merged. Thus, there are some people who don't know much about Persona 3 but are fans of Fate Stay Night. Try explaining a little more.
And give details to all of your scenes. The little details make fics truly enjoyable. It's like the icing on the cake. Without the icing, you still have cake but with icing, you have cake with icing! And who doesn't like cake with icing?
| 9tail-Naruto chapter 14 . 8/3/2013
How to improve your writing? Just keep on writing, take peoples suggestions on how to correct your grammar and incorrect verb tenses. Maybe take an English short story creative writing class, if possible. But really your writing is DEFINITELY not as bad as you, and others, seem to think. I've seen many more stories that have great premises that are much, MUCH harder to understand what is even going on within them because of how horrible their grasp on writing in the English language, or writing in general, is. Your story just has a few grammatical hiccups within that do not take away from the story at all.
As for a proper review now, this is a very interesting story! Having Minato hate Hamuko and be jealous of her is a very unique take on their relationship. Most people make them like best friends or, I shudder to think it because of the creepy implications, lovers. I also think it's very interesting how you male this story truly UNIQUE by having the War occur simultaneously with a COMPLETELY new Persona incident... Well not completely new, but you understand what I mean.
I am not terribly familiar with FSN, can you tell me about the possible people Minato COULD summon to be Assassin? Jack the Ripper sounds interesting, but not fitting for him.
I hope you'll update again soon!