|Reviews for Memento Vita|
| Lady Paprika chapter 3 . 3/23/2013
The speech that Captain Falcon gives about Samus is... well, it's kind of like everything Captain Falcon felt all along and had reiterated for the previous two chapters, just in speech format. Interestingly enough, I think I learned more about Falcon than Samus in the speech he gave about her. Like most movies with the "speech in the end that motivates the audience" this one is kind of no different. Falcon gives a speech that is at first, stumbling and awkward. But toward the end, he finishes strong. The way he felt about her is, I feel, very protective and that, coupled with the love he felt for her shows. Again, there's a strange kind of protectiveness about her image and memory - almost like he alone only knew her and nobody else should even try to understand her. It's obsessive, it's probably true, but it sounds like Falcon feels only he "owned" her so to speak and for a lack of better word. Not *her* exactly, but her memory, her image etc.
It brings up this question: Do people ever really truly understand the person they are closest with? Did Falcon truly ever understand Samus? Because in real life, this hardly ever happens, as much as we wish it were true. There are several examples where people are so in-synch, they do understand one another... Rumi and Shams of Tabriz for example. But I truly feel as though a person, no matter how close they are, can't never truly understand another person. The more and more I get to know a person or make new friends, the more and more I feel left out or utterly lost because there'll be a point in time where they will say something and I don't know what to do with it. Humans are unpredictable as much as we don't want to believe this because it's scary.
That being said, Falcon comes pretty darn close. And I say this because, again, all of Falcon's memories of Samus make her seem untouchable, invincible, almost like a dream. Despite saying that she had scars that never healed, he *does* glorify her in this speech. I feel like I'm saying this over and over, but it makes sense that he would because she's dead and unfortunately people only say nice things about a person when they're not there to hear them and, depending on whether you believe in an afterlife or not, probably never will.
That was what I really wanted to address.
Again, Wolf makes an appearance and that makes me super happy because in this story, he is absolutely my favorite character. This is perhaps my favorite line here as a matter of fact: "...his unkempt beard and whiskers sticking out like a completely separate beast."
For some reason, this just stands out to me, hahaha. Wolf does give Falcon some very needed advice. It's something that I think a lot of people know but it still doesn't matter - Even though you know survivor's guilt should not be felt, it is felt anyway. I do feel like some of what Wolf has said though, sticks to Falcon even though it will take some time for Falcon to fully get over it. Survivor's guilt is not an easy thing to overcome.
Anyway, that's it for this chapter, see you in four! (And after that, I'll only have two more to review!)
| Lady Paprika chapter 2 . 3/21/2013
"...we know our partnership was never a temporary thing." This sentence shifts from present to past and it's a flashback to boot. It's a little confusing, this time shift thing you have going on.
However, again I love the disorientation you've put with time, all scattered. Falcon knows when these memories happened down to the day, but the fact that it is, once again scattered through out, still reflects on Falcon's mind - organized, and remembering, but there's also a kind of muted chaos there as well.
For the most part, Falcon retains the characterization you've given him. He is again the kind of guy that strangely doesn't really seem to want to share Samus with the rest of the crowd... but strangely enough, he does give some leeway particularly with Handler. Oh yes, can I just say I really love your humanoid interpretation of Master Hand? I always love seeing non-humans rendered in human form by authors. It's pretty interesting.
I thought Handler's speech was also interesting, particularly to the reaction that Falcon has towards Handler. Even though Falcon respects Handler, he also acknowledges that Handler will never understand what it is to be a bounty hunter and so, he dismisses Handler at first - only to listen attentively in the end, in appreciation. Particularly, when Handler tells the crowd particularly what my criticism was in the previous chapter - that Samus was being over-glorified.
I found it funny that Falcon agreed with Handler, when he himself was kind of doing that in the chapter before, which brings me to my next point.
Samus is a lot more human in this chapter in three flashbacks - the kiss scene as the opening (Which I'll get into a bit later), her reaction to Ridley's death and how she hated being glorified, and lastly the tiger scene which was slightly amusing and brought some well-needed lightheartedness to this death!fic.
The kiss scene is imperfect - you, or rather Falcon, mention that yourself. I find it curious that instead of going for something intense, dramatic, passionate... something that sparks chemistry, you went for something that was slightly awkward but ended up conveying the feeling (to me at least) of just muted contentment. Even though it seems like this is Samus's first kiss and therefore, she's nervous, the way Captain Falcon describes the aftermath of it is almost... mechanical? Certainly not sexy, but it is... real.
The part where she doesn't want to be labeled a hero because taking down Ridley was more revenge than "saving the day," gives us a deeper insight to her character. This is vastly different from what we saw of her from chapter one - just a woman who says almost unrealistic dialogue (rehearsed was what I think I used) and is cynical, almost hateful of the world, or herself. I still think there's an almost untouchable quality about her - particularly because again, it's hard to picture somebody so gritty, hard, cynical and rough around the edges, saying things that sound almost poetic. As a matter of fact, I see a bit of you in her dialogue.
From what I understand, I can't quite tell whether or not, thus far, if Junction City views bounty hunters with favor or not. It seems like they do from the way they herald Samus's death as a tragedy, but if that's so, then why do the "good" bounty hunters like Samus and Falcon who only take down known criminals always feel so guilty and not heroes? This has been something I've been pondering for awhile and it's never really made clear. There are only statements, not facts to back up why bounty hunters themselves would feel that way.
Of course, if it was Wolf, whose hunting methods are questionable, then that's a different story. I guess this is my biggest qualm so far.
And before I sign off for the night, I've got to say your use of alliterations is pretty good. "Gift of gab," as well as "mangled mess" both stand out to me in particular. The phrase, "shredding asphalt" also stands out to me as well.
Blah, I don't know if I'm missing anything else. It's almsot 1 where I am so if there's anything I skipped or any erroneous statements/spelling/grammar... Uh, don't blame my incompetence, blame the time! :P
Well, here's to hoping I review the *next* chapter (I feel like it's going to be a habit... One review per night until this is finished) on time!
| Lady Paprika chapter 1 . 3/20/2013
Okay, so I've already read the whole thing (I told you this already but yano, reiterating again) However, I'm probably just going to review these chapters one by one, and individually as opposed to as a whole (Although, by the sixth chapter, I will post general comments). I wanted to do it all in one go, but my fingers are just SUPER DUPER tired and so I'll just do one for tonight.
Anyway, here we go!
So, beginning lines. Pretty deep. Pretty powerful and also, kind of sets the tone for what the rest of the story entails. Trademark MessengerOfDreams, really, and I like how you immediately narrow this down to who it might be.
I love also, the way you include time here and the way it is disoriented, almost scattered in Captain Falcon's narration. To some, this might be a little confusing, but I love what you did there with time (And hey, they're chapter names too!)
"Well, thank you for waiting until she died for you to give it to her." And here it is, which is the line that really sucks me in. Haha, it's funny you put this line in and also the paragraph that this quote was included in. Because I can hear Captain Falcon's rage simmering through here... Self-righteous in the way that some close friends would be in regards to the deceased that people all of a sudden start paying attention to because that's what death does - People somehow want to be a part of that attention, want to remember even if they never were close to the deceased. And it's selfish, but it's enough to annoy those who really cared for the deceased. So I kind of understand that.
From here on out, you manage to give Falcon this voice, without really... how do I put this, characterizing him? I mean this as in, he's an extremely complex one-dimensional (or two-dimensional) character. Understandably, we see only one side of Falcon - the one whose grief is still fresh over Aran's death. Obviously they were very close (Duh, I read the whole thing) and again, what I love about this chapter in particular is how you manage to convey the anger that Falcon feels towards the audience. That's what makes this death!fic real in my eyes for chapter one.
I wish I could say the same about Samus's characterization. Of course, as this is Falcon's story, therefore his narration, it makes sense that he would almost over-glorify her especially since she is dead and one of the greatest mysteries of life is that we tend to only look at the positives of a person as opposed to only the negatives once they are gone or will be gone very soon. I'm not saying that Falcon saw her ever in a negative light, but I found her kind of unrelatable in the sense that she felt... too perfect? Nah, not too perfect... Untouchable. And I am not sure if you did that on purpose or not. Because she really is untouchable if all what she left behind was her legacy. Of course, to Falcon she probably did (in an imperfect way of course because it's Samus.)
"I'm hungry, so I find one of the nearby tables and pick a couple of deviled eggs off of it. I feel uneasy about the fact that I'm eating party favors at her memorial service, but she'd probably kick me in the shin if I were to say something as nonsensical about that, so I grab a third for good measure."
However, this paragraph here gives her some depth. Despite all the quotes you've put up of her, the mini-flashbacks, its this paragraph that shows she's touchable because it's something that ultimately makes her human. Not the stuff Falcon thinks of her saying (Because I'll be honest, a lot of it sounds so... noble. As if she had rehearsed it beforehand, or something a typical human would not say... Of course though, these are again the only quotes we see of her and Falcon may only remember these quotes because they strike out to him.)
"I didn't choose the bounty hunting life. The bounty hunting life chose me." She chuckles dryly
Haha, I don't know why I chuckled when I read this. Probably because these sentences sound really similar to that ridiculous meme being spread around, "I didn't choose the thug life. The thug life chose me." - For a second, I wondered if Samus did that intentionally, in reference to Tupac's song/meme being circulated... but I was like, "Nah, it's just something Cam probably pulled out of his subconscious and substituted thug life with bounty hunting life." :P) I guess that's why this part kind of felt... cheesy to me?
Lastly, (YOU MUST BE SO BORED RIGHT NOW READING LONG PARAGRAPH AFTER LONG PARAGRAPH AND IT'S 2 AM ALMOST HERE) can I just say holy shiieeettt Wolf, I love? Like, I really, really love what you've done with Wolf. He is like... hmmm, amazing. Simply superb. Easily my most favorite character in this chapter (Since ehem, reviewing these chapters as if I've never read them before cough). He is, in a way, a literary trickster which is my favorite kind of character. The few lines you've given him, coupled with Falcon's thoughts about him are what easily makes him the best part of this chapter. He's blunt, he's honest, he doesn't seem to give a care what others think about him and yet there's some small part of him that's painfully moral - the part that made him turn down all those offers to kill Samus and Falcon. He's a winner in my book.
Well anyway, those are the only thoughts for this chapter. The next one shall wait until I have time because my fingers are killing me from typing a lot all day... Whoo. Here's to hoping that I like, I don't know, actually review the next chapter. I really hope I do (Is so lazy, it's practically physical) because I need to put all my thoughts out on this. REALLY REALLY DO.
Anyway, seeya next time, MoD!
| Green Phantom Queen chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
This is a very interesting story. I like reading the chapter names as it gives us a time frame as to how C. Falcon knew our Metroid Bounty Hunter. Wolf is right in a sense-bounty hunters usually are people who are hired and sometimes fight for the paycheck. Samus does it in order to save people. Samus's lines are really interesting, and I honestly believe those are words she would actually say. I fell in love with the 1st person POV you did (I did Journey of a Century and it was awesome). Great work!
| persevera chapter 5 . 12/31/2012
Hopefully taking care of the ashes and finding the note will give him some closure. Of course grieving is a long process, but at some point he has to stop eulogizing her.
It's very creative of you to take characters from different games and include them in this story because they share an occupation. Also you're doing really well at keeping a dead woman relevant and vital.
Favorite line-[I realize that I wouldn't lose a moment of the past to protect myself from the future.]
| Sheikan Laguz chapter 6 . 11/14/2012
There were many reasons why I thought you should win first place.
I loved how this was written. In all honesty, I don't really enjoy reading romance fics. They bug me, and in most stories the romance seems cliche and overdone. Any pairing with Samus also bugs me because of how they usually portray her, which is girly and OOC.
I was kind of hesitant to read it as you can probably see, but once I started reading I was so drawn into it I couldn't stop. I remember when I finished reading it, I thought something along the lines of, "I want this to win."
The flashbacks Falcon remembered were interesting, even more so when you would add in the time that had elapsed since they had taken place.
I found it very interesting that Wolf would be the one to comfort (kind of...) Captain Falcon afterwards, because people think of Wolf as being the bad guy. It's hard to find good stories where he is portrayed as a good guy (He wasn't good, but he was good. Forget what I just said).
I'm what you might call a "cry baby" because I cry easily. However, before this story, there has only been exactly two stories (FanFiction and published stories) that have made me tear up. I teared up once during this. Any story that can make me laugh out loud, cry, or "AWWW" is a great book in my opinion.
The fact that you told a story that I think could've taken WAY longer in just six chapters- and did it so flawlessly- was a major point too. The memories fit in so well with the real story that you told two stories at the same time.
The ending was beautiful. Though the idea could've turned out to be cliche and rather groan-producing, it made me smile. I honestly felt glad that Falcon had moved on with Mel. (Though that kind of hints at FalconXYoshi XD )
To sum it all up, I really believe that first place was an accurate spot.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 6 . 11/8/2012
Oh, man; what can I say that hasn't already been said? I loved the ending. I love how he moved on with Mel...and although it was only touched on briefly, I love how she seemed to understand that he needed to take his time. The last two lines were just lovely. This was such a wonderful end to a wonderful story. I'm sad to see it end, but I know you have more stories to read. Awesome, awesome work. Thank you so much for such lovely revelations! Thank you for the wonderful story. :)
| ckrets chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Wow. I normally don't like first person, but you pull it off almost flawlessly. I never thought of Captain Falcon/Samus (I prefer Samus/Ike and Samus/Marth), but you just make this click wonderfully. I love your smooth writing. It flows so naturally and it's utterly compelling. I was hooked. I found it easy for me to get into it because of your style, and the story was intriguing enough for me to stay. I'm curious as to where you'll be taking this story. I love the simplicity, the flashbacks, the meaning behind Samus and Captain Falcon. From his perspective, I get the impression that this love was perhaps a one-sided thing? He seems to remember every minute detail with such accuracy. I love these lines: "I highly doubt what we're doing is exactly clean," she says, looking down at the dashboard as I slow the car down. "Try necessary. Try defensive. Try brave, or even helpful, if you're feeling frisky. But never clean." And it's nice to see how you incorporated Wolf. He's not evil. Beautiful work.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 5 . 11/7/2012
Oh, damn, MoD; this is SO freaking beautiful, do you know that? You make me cry with every chapter...but I love it. I loved the fact that the captain is moving on and trying to spend as much time with Wolf as possible; yet, he cannot and will not forget about Samus. Oh, the flashback was just wonderful! I love how you show us just the perfect moments at just the right time...and you make us feel exactly what they felt. I loved the references to birds and flying again as it really made sense for the spreading of the ashes. (tears). Oh, I just can't wait for more...and I'm going to be sad to see this end. I'm sorry I cannot say anything more but praise...but I just loved this! :)
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 6 . 11/7/2012
I think this was a great way to end this entire story out. What no better way to send a friend off that to create something that will unite and empower. I especially liked the part about the badges; that was a nice touch.
I enjoyed that little blurb with Wolf and Falcon. I really didn't expect much out of that, but it was kinda powerful in its own special way.
"Memento Vita"...Remember to live. Powerful and emotional words, and they certainly make this story what it is.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this story and your work in general. It was a pleasure to read this, and continue your good work.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 4 . 11/4/2012
I love that this was a direct continuation of the last chapter, this still being the funeral. I sense the change, and I can tell that Doug does as well. I love that everyone is so supportive of him now, and he seems to embrace it and his cynicism seems to fade. It's refreshing. I loved the flashback with Samus as well. I love how you show her in every chapter. And again, I loved the countdown of the days. I love that the Mayor wanted to give a special tribute for Samus, and I love that it is BOTH ravens and doves. That is so beautiful. Doug's catharsis was lovely but necessary. Ah, such a beautiful chapter! I am sorry for saying I loved everything, but it's true. Well done. Can't wait to read more. :)
| SunnyStorms chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
I've never thought of these two characters (Samus and Falcon) as more than polygons in a fighting game, so it was really interesting to see them fleshed out here. I love the portrayal you've given us of their past relationship - it's rather poignant. Samus's characterization really came through in those tiny flashback snippets, and I find it very fitting the way you're characterizing her. I wondered a bit if the repetition of "A year, six months and fourteen days ago" occurred a little too often, but in the end I liked it. I think it really hammered in how he felt about her that the length of time is so starkly imprinted in his thoughts. I did notice a couple of typos like missing words, but it looked like other reviewers have mentioned them, so I won't rehash here. Overall, great start. I'm curious where you'll take this from here.
| Helicarriers chapter 2 . 10/25/2012
We're seeing a little more of Falcon's characterization brought to light in this chapter, with his narration about not wanting the pity of strangers, and _. These, among other segments, really helped show how much he was grieving.
"I knew her for two years. I had her for three weeks. I know only one thing less fair." - This was really, really powerful.
Bringing the Major to speak about Samus was a brave move, one that risked undermining the general sombre tone of the story so far in exchange for more external action. You've handled this well, though; with the consistent thoughts of Falcon, the speech never seemed out of place.
When he first begins talking, however, there's quite a run-on sentence in the last half of the paragraph (starting with "Today, we are here to pay tribute…". You may want to revise it, for you also seem to be missing punctuation after the word "noticeably".
I really liked the part where Captain Falcon was questioning whether he was courageous, inspiring, and wise to be present at the scene of Samus' death in the manner he was.
The little breath of humor (and hope) from Falcon and Samus' conversation about how they could possibly die… I think it did really well in this chapter. There was a lot of melancholic subject matter throughout the chapter, and this scene brought the mood up just enough to keep the whole piece from becoming overly dark.
One minor correction:
"She just shrugs, looking up at me, Her normally periwinkle eyes are…" - Change the punctuation after "me".
Overall, lovely work.
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 5 . 10/23/2012
You can't help but feel for Captain Falcon. I enjoyed...well, not enjoyed, that's not the right word to use at a funeral of this magnitude, but appreciated this chapter very much. The raw, sheer emotion that is in this story is just almost too much at times, and it just gives that great vibe that shows how much Captain Falcon really felt for Samus. Him just going over and over his time with Samus, his relationship with her, her feelings toward him...it all really comes to a head here, I think. Good work.
| Helicarriers chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
Okay. First off, I'm not overly familiar with Samus, even less so with Captain Falcon. But I'm thankful for the info you've put in the summary; it made things less confusing - I probably wouldn't have realized who was speaking, otherwise!
As for the story itself, I liked how you plunged right into the implications of how it's a commonality for bounty hunters to die, or face death. Right there, the tone was set for the rest of the chapter - a bit of angst, tragedy, regret…
The memory of Samus saying how she wouldn't attend a funeral was highly ironic, considering the funeral was for her. This, along with the other memories of her that were scattered throughout the writing, added that little extra bit of depth to the Captain's narration, as did the shorter sentences - I found they were perfect for a somber piece like this one.
"I know what they say about not mourning her death but celebrating her life, but again, why didn't they do that while she was still alive?" - Love this line.
One thing I did notice, though, was a quick switch from present-tense to past-tense. I saw this after Captain Falcon says "seriously?"; you've written Wolf as having "nodded" instead of "nodding".
I really have no complaints besides that; this was a gorgeous chapter!