Reviews for our kingdom
ehonte concierge chapter 1 . 10/3/2012
Well, to start, you give us some unneeded information at odd parts in the first paragraph. I suggest looking over it. Second, you had a lot of capitalization errors, particularly in your author's notes. There were also a few punctuation and spelling errors- I suggest using spell check next time. Third thing; rules of dialogue. When there is a new speaker, you must start a new line. Vous comprends?
By the way, if you need a beta, I'm open, Hime.

Well, I'm glad to see you at least posted something, even if it wasn't great. I have a feeling it will improve a lot, however, if you get a beta. I suggest looking for open ones.
I also think that you could, perhaps, have a decent storyline in future proceedings, and I'll be interested to see where this goes.

Sorry for all the criticism, but that's what I'm best at, you know me. :) Later, Lily
Avenger