Reviews for Magician's Assistant
Teekalin chapter 3 . 11/11/2014
Wow, this was so beautifully written and you could really feel Merlin's pain.
DragonAtlas chapter 3 . 7/30/2014
Okay, so I read this last night, but I was too overwhelmed then to post a review but I felt it important that I do so.

I've been dealing with suicidal ideation since the age of 12. Until last year I didn't understand, then I uncovered a number of memories of repeated childhood sexual trauma and it's not really better, but I do take comfort in the sense that there's a reason for the myriad things I've gone through.

There have been a number of times in my life when I have considered suicide, and one time when I actually attempted it. Every time, even during the attempt (which was a change of mind that came at the very last minute so I lasting liver damage is likely), the thing that stopped me would be thinking of how my mother would be hurt. She is the one person I've doubted could recover from the blow as she also struggles with emotional issues and did, in her youth, attempt suicide as well, and was hospitalized for such thoughts not 10 years ago.

Recently, though, I began to have new flashbacks that have led me to see that the trauma I experienced was at the hands of a family member. I can't really even bring myself to name which family member here, even though this profile isn't connected to my IRL identity in any way. While I had been finding good headway with recovery, this discovery has brought me to a very dark place once again, and I've been having Thoughts over the last few weeks yet again, except this time my sense of isolation has been greater than ever as the nature of the memories bring me to a place where I just don't trust anyone anymore. Before my trust was tenuous and in few people, but now it's just all... gone. Shattered.

So thoughts of protecting my mom got numbed out and I came close. Really, really close.

But then last night I read this.

And I read about the character of Hunith and how she was able to move on, even if only to a small degree, with the help of the people who had cared for Merlin around her.

And then I realized that my mom doesn't have that.

The only people my mom really feels close to are the one who hurt me (and of course I would never ruin that by revealing to her that truth) and myself. And I in no way trust the one who hurt me to care for her in the way she would need. I don't really feel like he does that even now.

And this brought Mom back to the forefront of my mind. Brought back to my attention the reason I've always stopped or changed my mind. Reminded me that while I can do that to myself, I can't do that to her. She doesn't deserve it. Not at all.

I wanted to share that with you because I wanted to let you know just really HOW MUCH this story meant to me. It tore me up inside and got me weeping so hard I kept losing my breath but I NEEDED that because I've been too numb for too long now. I needed to feel what hurts so it can begin to stop hurting.

So, yeah. Thank you can't begin to cover it.


Thank you.
Aithusa Vase chapter 3 . 3/22/2014
jesus christ i cried a thousand tears. the last third of each chapter just broke me. and it wasnt even heart broken sobbing, it was a quiet, calm constant drip of tears down my face as i read this. it rememinded me so much of when i was suicidal a couple of years ago and it was so nice to see how Merlin kept going, in his second chance that i will never get, so to never leave myself in the first place, and in canon. iuuuuh. thankyou. thankyou so so much.
Guest chapter 3 . 8/26/2013
This made me cry. It is so powerful. Thank you.
IceFeather30961 chapter 3 . 2/21/2013
This was beautifully tragic. I hardly ever cry...EVER...and this made me tear up. Wonderfully written.
sword chapter 3 . 12/12/2012
this was well written you have to be there to know November and December are always bad for me so much so not sure if i'm going to watch s5 Christmas eve
asdfghjkl-0-0-0-0 chapter 3 . 11/11/2012
This story is great! Its full of grief and sorrow, tragedy, while slightly happy and romantic. I loved it.
Guest chapter 3 . 10/23/2012
Powerful. I cried. Be proud. Be very proud.
Flavio S chapter 2 . 10/1/2012
That is an excellent story, even tough I would prefer just the first half of it, Marlin's death and the aftermath. But you made an excellent work in the whole resurrection scene. Great story!
turtlequeenx chapter 3 . 9/24/2012
i am crying so hard. there is no more liquid in my body!
Flavio S chapter 3 . 9/24/2012
Well, that's sad. I liked it.
Bailieboro chapter 2 . 9/20/2012
With that "I...can't..." Arthur was selfless, thinking of Merlin before anything else; not fixating on his own needs but those of another. Great plot, sad but the characters and their situations as you write them are wholly believable.
Caernarfon chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
He's determined if nothing else. Surely, there has to be a way to get through to him. Great writing, effortless to read.
Bailieboro chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
Your writing is quite intense, so now once again I'm captivated by your story. For me, it shows the relentlessness of someone intent on committing suicide. Please, find the key which will open not only his mind but also his heart to his friends' concern so that he can get help.
Flavio S chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
In my humblest opinion it could end here. You said yourself it would be a dark fic, and the ending is fitting. A great story.
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