|Reviews for Imperfect|
| TenyumeKasumi chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
Hm, a story from Hermione's POV? Interesting. :]
Oh no, Hermione! Ron is sneaking a look at your diary! xD I see that you're armed a wide range of vocabulary. This is fantastic because yup - it's like having extra ammunition for your shotgun in a firefight. xD
But even then, I wouldn't recommend using fancier words just for the sake of it. Hermione tends to speak in a more simpler and to-the-point language and this felt strange coming from her. This sentence in particular felt forced:
'She will eternally be crazily, insanely, and wonderfully imperfect, no matter how much she understands people.'
and this one:
' But now we are together…and Ron, no matter what his faults may be, is wonderfully, unfathomably, undeniably, brilliantly, crazily, insanely, laughably, studiedly, beautifully, magically, simply, extraordinarily, famously, maddeningly, infuriatingly perfect.'
For the passage about Luna, I recommended replacing the word 'eternally' with 'always' or 'forever' to make it sound more natural. As it is, the word doesn't really blend well into the sentence.
For the bit about Ron, I understand that the use of many descriptors is there for emphasis but in my personal opinion, it's rather of an overkill. The long list will bored readers and they may be likely to just skip the sentence entirely. Perhaps removing several words or (if you really want all the descriptors to stay) breaking up the sentence into more palatable chunks. A suggestion:
'But now we are together…and Ron, no matter what his faults may be, is perfect in every way - wonderfully and unfathomably. Undeniably, brilliantly, crazily, insanely and laughably. Studiedly, beautifully, magically, simply, extraordinarily, famously and maddeningly, infuriatingly perfect.'
Just a suggestion though. ;]
My biggest gripe with the story however, was that the whole of it seemed out of character for Hermione except for the bit at the end. Hermione makes judgements, yes, but she hardly judgemental which she seems to come off as in this fic. Characterisation aside however, the writing is in itself a good work and good effort. Your use of punctuation is precise and I don't see much spelling or grammatical errors.
Overall, nice work! :D
| Don't Mess With Aria chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
*hers, not her's (Luna section)
'as for my parents,'
Aw, this is so sweet. I like it. Just a couple of errors, they both look like just typos. Your language use is excellent. Especially with Hermione getting so descriptive with the multiple adjectives- it works, here.
| writergal24 chapter 1 . 9/22/2012
This was really cute! I think you nailed Hermione's character - very critical, and not open-minded, even though she is nice. I liked reading all of her opinions of people. It was really interesting! Great job!
| xXxVioletSkyxXx chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
Awe, that was cute;) I loved the ending, but wasn't quite sure who the narrator was until the second last paragraph. Might just be me though;)
Great work. Don't ever think that because there's little feedback that it's terrible. It's not. It never will be if you truly give it your all.
Hope to see more! Do us all a favour and write more!
| her-eyes-fiery-pinpricks chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
Wow, this was fantastic! Amazingly well written. Great! :D
| ErinMyers chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
Ooh, I love it! Beautiful tribute and you captured Hermione very well :) I love your writing style and it was a great little piece. Stands perfect as a one-shot, but are you going to continue it? I really liked it, great job!