|Reviews for The Joy of the Games|
| Arvico chapter 3 . 2/12/2013
I have to say that each chapter is better than the last, and this is the one that I've enjoyed the most so far. The beginning was slightly confusing, I wasn't sure if they were on the train, or already at the Capitol.
If your goal was to make Kayne (love the name, by the way) creepy, congratulations, you're succeeding. I hope you'll develop his character as more than just a brute as the story continues. Did he volunteer just to win, or does he have some other motive to join the Games?
A good number of scenes in this made me smile, mostly Crimson's reaction to things, but I really enjoyed Joy's experience in the bathroom. One that that confused me, though, is when Joy states that she can't trust her escort. Crimson hasn't shown an signs of being untrustworthy yet, even if he does favor Kayne over Joy. It's still his job to try to help his District's tributes succeed. I don't think that he'd sabotage Joy or anything like that just because he thinks that Kayne has a better chance of winning.
I'm finally getting a better sense of Joy. She's level headed, sarcastic, and is already planning on how she's going to play these games. I also like that she's not sure of what she can do, and isn't super-strong. That's why it strikes me as odd that Kayne has been training before the games, but again, I'm hoping you'll explore that in coming chapters.
"Who the hell volunteers from District Seven?!" Easily my favorite line in this chapter. It made me giggle.
I was looking forward to seeing the tributes from the other districts, and it's easy to tell from the descriptions which tributes are likely going to interact more with Joy. Also, I think you forgot to erase an author's note in the paragraph describing the tributes from the first District. I was a little disappointed after that, though. I can understand glossing over the tributes that look weak, but what about the ones that Joy considers to be a threat? Again, watch for repetitiveness. There are plenty of ways to say that someone looks strong rather than describing them as muscular. "A hulking boy mounted the stage" or "a frail-looking girl" rather than just saying strong or weak. The line about trying to do a runner was a good detail, too. It shows personality in an otherwise nameless character.
| Arvico chapter 2 . 2/12/2013
I really liked the description of the Justice Building, both Joy's emotional response to it and the actual decorations in it. The necklace exchange was very sweet, too. Actually, the necklaces themselves were a nice bit of detail into the characters' lives. With the implication that the Greens are a relatively poor family, it just showed that something that valuable meant so much to the characters that they couldn't sell them.
There are a few more typos in here, but those are easy fixes. Be mindful of repetition, though.
"Never again will I see father's beautiful eyes or hear his comforting voice. Never will I see Mum's smile or hear her beautiful singing voice."
A good rule of thumb is to try to make sure that you don't use the same word twice in the same paragraph. It can't always be done, but adjectives are fairly easy to swap out for a synonym.
| Arvico chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
You have a solid start here, but a few errors. Some of them are simply grammatical ("loose" instead of "lose", some numbers should be written out), but those are all pretty easy fixes.
I would recommend cutting out the explanation of the Games; everyone reading this story already knows what they are. Also, everyone attends the Reaping Day, whether or not you have a job. In the first book, Katniss even says that the Peacekeepers will check everyone's houses to ensure that they're all at the Reaping.
In all honesty, I didn't get a good sense of Joy's personality in this chapter. She's scared about being chosen, but who wouldn't be? The whole Reaping feels a little rushed, but maybe Joy's in too much shock to narrate it in detail? I'm sure that more of Joy will be revealed in the coming chapters.
I do like your descriptions of Crimson Fire. Very Capitol. I'm also looking forward to seeing a younger mentor than what's normally presented. I'm also not a very big fan of first-person present-tense, but you did a good job with it, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
| Vykktor chapter 5 . 1/9/2013
When you started described Kayne's garb, I was thinking, "Oooo, minor miscommunication on the dress-up, there." Then once the description was through, I though, "Wait, so Peeta's a stylist now?" I kid, I kid, I just thought of that whilst writing the review. But yeah, I had expected Cosmic to be a complete ditz when it came to the costumes, so I was pleasantly surprised with the leaf dress. Great work, as always with this story, I definitely am looking forward to the next update.
| AfterTheRose chapter 5 . 1/9/2013
So I thought I'd look up this lovely guy who was so sweet about Swan Song, and was deligthfully suprised when I found a talented writer as well as a sweetheart.
Your characters are well formed, you write with good flow and rhythm and I'm really enjoying your story! Please keep up the good work!
And, you're also from Britain, therefore making all arguments invalid because you spell grey the right way.
| Evanna23 chapter 5 . 1/5/2013
Great job! I'm loving it so far! Keep it up! :D
| everlark101 chapter 5 . 12/31/2012
Can you review my stories
| jesusfreakauthorgirl17 chapter 1 . 12/26/2012
Extremely compelling. Great hook!
| Rockafansky chapter 5 . 12/22/2012
Awesome job! This chapter was really great!
| Wren-and-Jay chapter 5 . 12/16/2012
I think I like Purple too. And WOAH WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY TRIBUTE?! Grrrrrrr... how dare they do that to my tribute!
| Vykktor chapter 4 . 12/7/2012
Excellent job, once again.
| Wren-and-Jay chapter 4 . 12/4/2012
Haha I wouldn't be hesitant about getting off the train. No awkward-Joy for me sir! I really can't wait to see the parade, hopefully Kayne (and I LOVE how you used the name I gave you) doesn't overshadow Joy. Excuse me while I go fangirl because I think I might be getting WAYYY too obsessed with this story.
| Rockafansky chapter 4 . 11/22/2012
Wonderful! Great job on this chapter!
| Vykktor chapter 3 . 11/19/2012
I definitely love all the little arguments Joy has with herself when they are viewing the District reapings. I've seen Kayne's type of character before; career tribute who just happens to come from an outlying District. The reason I like him, though, is the way you've portrayed him. Plus, I've never seen a career type tribute from district seven before, so this should be interesting.
| Wren-and-Jay chapter 3 . 11/1/2012
YAY YOU USED MY NAME! I love this chapter, Joy's not the hero that Katniss is, I especially like how she's just a normal girl. She's not particularly strong. She can't shoot an eye in the dark. That's really great how you made it perfectly balanced - she doesn't seem to weak and wallowing, but she's not a Career, either. Great job, dying for the next chapter! (- see what I did there?)