|Reviews for Day of Revolution|
| Annaya Kiera chapter 4 . 8/1/2013
Wow, talk about cliffhanger. I hope you update this soon so we all know what happens to Burns. I have really enjoyed your story so far and look forward to seeing where you take this.
| Annaya Kiera chapter 1 . 7/29/2013
Ok, so far I like this. The only thing I would say is to maybe move the host's last memory up before Burns fully wakes. In the book that was always the first experience in a new host body. Otherwise I really liked this and will review again when I have read further :)
| the-compulsive-tea-drinker chapter 4 . 7/16/2013
This is sooooo goood! I love the plot line. It's really really good story. Please update soon. Please?
| the-compulsive-tea-drinker chapter 2 . 7/16/2013
Really really good. Please please please keep updating! please. :-)
| bura44 chapter 2 . 5/9/2013
I loved your story as it is, and would love to read more!
| brightshadowflame chapter 3 . 4/12/2013
This is a very interesting idea and I am really enjoying it so far. As some of the other reviewers stated, there are some grammar and spelling issues (problems that nearly everyone experiences), but other than that so far your writing is pretty solid :) It feels like in this chapter you are really starting to get into the story, and it feels like you are actually more comfortable. I am really getting a good feel for Burns' character too! I hope you update soon, I'm excited to see what happens next :)
| Cypress16 chapter 3 . 10/2/2012
The chapter, from a plot advancement prospective, seemed fine. Things moved along in a logical progression. I only noticed one spelling/word error: 'he was frozen in though,' s/b thought
However, a couple of 'host' world concerns:
Blind people... I think the book gave the impression that the souls would either 'cure' any human diseases or deformities or the host body would be disposed of...
The cop stop... Again the book implied that all cops were seekers, therefore, I would think the cop would have been more 'observant' of the passengers, i.e. checking the eyes or necks... when they were stopped in the book Jared pretended to be sleeping.
In either case, minor points, just me being picky...
| Cypress16 chapter 2 . 9/24/2012
I liked the way you did the back story at the beginning. The timeline for the takeover seemed a bit quick... but, whatever, minor point... Stephenie isn't clear and everyone kinda makes up their own timeline scenarios...
The overall flow of the 'meeting' works for me. A reasonable balance of fear on both sides.
There were just a few grammar/spelling errors, certainly nothing big.
I think its a good chapter ... you maybe a little hard on yourself, but then most of us are...
| Cypress16 chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
Interesting plot line ... a few others have done a history for Burns. Its a wide open subject, given Stephenie said next to nothing for background for him in the book. I do like the idea of a 'unique' personality in a soul.
I did read your first attempt at the story. It was OK, but I do think you did much better with this rewrite.
There were a few grammar/spelling issues, but most of us aren't pros at this so unless you are a grammar nazi yourself or have a good beta, its not likely to be perfect. I know my two stories have a few errors and I had reread them a number of times myself before I posted. ;(
You provided good background for Burns ... his personality ... justification for him being by himself in the desert. Very good job. I will follow where you send Burns.