|Reviews for Crazy Life Story|
| Sailor Aptitude Attitude chapter 1 . 3/7
Well, Kudos on standing up for yourself against the 'hateful' reviews or 'flames,' but, uh, I have to agree with everyone that 'flamed' your fic. If you don't like beta readers, or don't want anyone messing with your story, then how about at least looking into an alternative to a beta to fix up the atrocious spelling errors? I mean if the program you're using doesn't have grammar and spell-check then you can always use some free online programs or websites to do a quick spell check. Believe me it always helps, even just a little.
This temper tantrum you're throwing, about people suggesting you getting a beta reader, is a little immature to be honest. Like a few other readers who praised your work, I feel that this story does have a lot of potential to turn into something greater and it seems like everyone forgets that we all have to start somewhere in writing and that's always at the bottom of the ladder, writing poorly paced and plotted out stories full of mary sues and poor spelling errors and grammar, and believe me, your story is full of errors and Shea does come across as a Mary Sue, but it's not to say that you can't improve along the way.
I suggest holding off on getting help on your grammar for now, finish up the story or at least to the end of the first story arc because I'm assuming that like every writer, you're going to draw Shea's adventures with the ThunderCats for as long as possible, and when you reach a proper stopping point, go back through the story, fix up the errors, and then try rewriting some scenes or putting in some new ones to flesh out the story even more. I'm sure Shea will develop as her own character and evolve into a better one as a result of it.
I feel that it's fine to have canon characters be a little OOC (out of character) depending on them facing or being put into situations and circumstances they've never faced or been put into before. But it's a completely different story when you're making all the canon characters act ooc just to bend to Shea's whims. It's not very... good. I mean I've written stories like this before and I know it hurts to hear people pointing out the flaws in your story, but to be honest, it's because many of them see a lot of potential in the story and want to see you evolve into a better writer.
| Guest chapter 7 . 2/6
You have done a find job turning dimensional characters and flattening them into cheap plot devices in attempts to make Shea look more developed than she is. And au contraire: if you don't like receiving reviews, show and tell to your family and get off the internet.
| Heart of the Demons chapter 7 . 12/23/2013
This is a wonderful chapter here. It's well-paced, and the characters - even Shea - are in character. You're doing a wonderful job so far with the whole story. Shea is turning out to be a unique individual, but you definitely make sure to keep the ThunderCats just as much in the spotlight. Absolute perfection!
| frankannestein chapter 1 . 11/11/2013
Hi! Well, this is an interesting series of events. The good things are that it's fast-paced; things happen so quickly I don't have a chance to get bored. There's a prophecy, always good. Fencing with broadswords is a funny mental image.
The things that I personally have doubts about are: Real-world into fake-world. It's not easy to pull this off realistically, especially if we have a ThunderCat in OUR world. She'd have been locked up for science, not grumping at people in an orphanage. Also, she took her teleportation without question - she even knew exactly what had happened to her. How? Basically, I don't believe the story right out of the gate, and that's a sad thing. I WANT to believe in it. :) Lastly, I don't even know her name. :) I'd like to know more about her and her backstory before jumping into Third Earth, I think. But that could just be me.
Still, the writing is good enough that I'm curious to know what will happen next.
| Legacy chapter 6 . 8/17/2013
I think leaving an author’s note in place of a chapter only to complain about reviews you have received is rather arrogant. Any author who posts a story on this website is subject to receiving reviews. Some may be positive while others may not. It shows a lack of tact on your part to post an author’s not simply to complain about feedback you have received on your story.
If people are suggesting that you need a beta reader, then there must be a reason for it. has a spellchecker for authors to use before they post their chapters, so there is really no excuse to have so many blatant spelling errors. As for the grammar, if reviewers are commenting that your sentence structure and/or grammar need help, then for heaven’s sake GET A BETA. Professional writers have betas- they’re called editors. Wanting to polish up your story so it reads well is a courtesy to your readers. If you are taking the time to write a story, then take the time to get it beta-ed as well rather than complain that it is a ‘pet peeve’ of yours that reviewers suggest getting a beta. A beta would fix errors that make a story difficult to read. Typos, including dialog from multiple characters within the same paragraph, sentence structure issues, and not using proper punctuation are all issues within your chapters. A beta could fix them for you. Refusing to fix errors yourself or to get a beta along with your message that you will continue to write the way you have been just proves the fact that you are unwilling to listen to constructive criticism. You can’t post a story only to complain about reviews and critiques.
Every author needs to realize that some constructive criticism will follow once a story is posted. Instead of complaining about the comments people have left for you, it would benefit your writing if you actually considered the points that those reviewers were trying to make.
Now, about your claim that Shea isn’t a Mary Sue… you’re wrong. Shea fits the description of a Mary Sue to the letter. Your claim that ‘she may act timid now but that she is a lot tougher than she appears to be’ doesn’t excuse her from Mary Sue-dom. You called Shea ‘our heroine’ at the top of chapter 5. If that doesn’t scream Mary Sue then I don’t know what does. Shea isn’t a canon character, yet she is the heroine of the entire story. If you Google Mary Sue Litmus Test, and then take the test giving honest answers, you will find that Shea is practically off the charts in terms of characteristics of a Mary Sue.
The following are a few examples of primary Mary Sue traits exhibited by Shea using the definition of Mary Sue on .com. #1- A Mary Sue does not react to her situation in a way that makes narrative or psychological sense and has no trouble adapting when thrown into a foreign world. Yes, She is magically thrown into an alternate world and is not at all traumatized by that event. #2- Other characters in the story do not react to Mary Sue as they would normally- canon character become out of character. Definitely. Lion-O brings a sympathetic Tygra to apologize for insulting Shea’s feelings, which is very OOC for the proud tiger. Lion-O has feelings for Shea when in the series he very clearly shows feelings for Cheetara. #3- Characters instantly like a Mary Sue, even in circumstances that should make them suspicious. Yes, Shea appears from another world and no one in Thundera finds that disturbing. #4- Mary Sue is special because she exists. However inappropriately for the canon or downright badly she behaves, she gets respect for it, at the expense of characterization and storytelling. Absolutely. Shea’s personality is not particularly likable. She is childish and annoying, yet Lion-O seems to adore her, Tygra feels terrible for insulting her and wants to make her feel better, she is accepted into a foreign world without so much as a question.
Moving onto secondary Mary Sue traits that Shea possesses, here are some examples using the same definition. #1- Mary Sues possess extreme physical beauty, having characteristics or physique only attainable in tandem by anime characters and often has characteristics that are not typical. The Sue’s ‘specialness’ is used in the narrative as cheap tickets for the character to instantly earn the respect, admiration or sympathy of others. Well, that one’s easy. You said in your description that Shea has super long anime hair. She earns sympathy being an orphan. She has emerald green eyes. She is human but has features of a cat, which no one on earth found strange. You said that she wears ‘midevil’ dresses every day. I assume that you meant medieval dresses. #2- Mary Sues possess powerful talents and/or gifts of supernatural powers. Bingo! The author’s note for chapter 4 gushes over the reader getting the opportunity to see Shea’s full powers for a few moments. #3- Mary Sues have extreme prowess. Their talents far outstrip anyone else with a similar ability and she didn’t have to spend years developing her talents like everyone else does. Well, let’s see. Shea sings, she is able to fight with a sword after a few fencing lessons that must have been provided as part of the orphanage’s standard services given to children. Fencing doesn’t involve the use of long swords. Instead, fencing foils or rapiers are used. Given that fact, Shea’s ability to use a long sword wasn’t learned or developed in any way. Shea proved her worth and skills to Jaga without difficulty despite having no formal training to develop her reflexes, which he describes as quick. She has powers and fulfills a prophecy on Thundera. All that and supernatural powers too. It’s all very unbelievable when put all together. #4- A Mary Sue has a terrible, troubled past. Well, she is an orphan and has terrifying memories involving her parents’ murder and Mumm-Ra. I’d say that qualifies. #5- Mary Sue falls in love with a canon character. It doesn’t take a genius to see that Shea will ship with Lion-O.
Basically, a Mary Sue such as Shea is shallow. She turns the story away from the canon characters and their original struggle, making it instead about her- her mysterious past, her place in Thundera, her relationship with each of the canon characters. By rewriting the original story to revolve around Shea, the canon characters and everything we loved about them are shoved aside to put her in the spotlight. She is the heroine and the canon characters become secondary characters. Everything we loved about the canon show is either warped or forgotten. Why include the ThunderCats at all? The story isn’t really about them. It’s really a story about Shea the heroine and the ThunderCats are merely there to support her.
To address the issue of Crazy Life Story being similar to Jewel of Omens, I don’t think you can honestly deny it. Jewel of Omens was a rewrite of the TCs 2011 series that basically focused around an OC, Leanne, who is also a Mary Sue. The episodes were rewritten to place Leanne in the center of everything. You are doing exactly the same thing with Shea. I don’t need to go into all of the similar Mary Sue traits that Shea has in common with Leanne because I listed quite a few of them in previous paragraphs.
That being said, I don’t think that other reviewer implied that you plagiarized Jewel of Omens by copying and pasting, as you said. Rather, I think she was pointing out that the elements unique to Jewel of Omens are also used in your story. Leanne had a necklace that was her connection to Third Earth and became a large focus of the plot. I don’t think it is a coincidence that Shea also has a mysterious necklace. Why choose a necklace at all? It is a blatant use of a concept that was unique to Jewel of Omens. Using a necklace goes beyond the boundaries of being too lazy to think of something new. A lazy author would have used a bracelet instead. But you used a necklace as well. By doing so, you copied chibimaker’s idea. There is simply no denying the fact that your story is very similar to Jewel of Omens in so many ways. Any review that points this fact out is merely stating a truth that can easily be backed with facts, which are the details pulled directly from your own story.
You said at the top of your very first paragraph that if you received any flames, you would use them for smores. Yet, you didn’t. Instead you complained about them all in a rudely written author’s note and posted as a chapter. Posting author’s notes as chapters is against the rules of this website by the way. Whining about your reviews is childish and self-asserting. Posting an author’s note in place of a chapter, in bold-faced print no less was very presumptuous on your part and it did nothing but send the message that you only like positive feedback. If you aren’t willing to accept the good with the bad, then you should reconsider posting your story.
Every writer opens themselves up to constructive criticism when they post a story on this website. How you deal with that constructive criticism is telling of your ability as a writer. Some writers, although they may take critiques personally at first, will revisit the feedback and actually use the suggestions to improve their story. Other writers will get insulted by critiques and lash out at their readers/reviewers with messages where they complain about the advice they have been given. There is simply no way any author can improve their skills if they refuse to take constructive criticism. Also, don’t fall into the trap of only listening to positive feedback. If you get a positive review from someone who swears that Shea is not a Mary Sue, you have to consider the source of that opinion. If that same reviewer leaves similar adoring reviews for nearly every fanfiction published within a fandom, regardless of how well or poorly written they are, then feedback from a reviewer like that should be taken with a grain of salt.
By the way, the chapter title for this author's note is spelled wrong.
| keller75863548274483 chapter 6 . 8/16/2013
Check out "The Elf and the Clone"
| Heart of the Demons chapter 6 . 8/16/2013
I don't believe Shea's a Mary Sue. She's an amazing character. This is your story; you and you alone decide what to do with it. Just so you know, I read and reviewed "The Jewel of Omens" by chibimaker, and I think that that's truly an epic story.
| KelseyAlicia chapter 1 . 8/6/2013
I think you've got the potential to get better. It does in my opinion not so fun. It seems a bit childish and I think you can make it a lot more intreseting. Add some color and make it seem more full of emotions. It's cute but not outstanding. I think you can do better. That's my opinion. Take it or leave it. But I do really think you can make this a lot more fun to read.
| Heart of the Demons chapter 5 . 8/5/2013
Great chappie, Cupid. You're getting the hang of this effortlessly. I liked Shea telling Lion-O off about vengeance even though he was blind to reason. And yes, I'll vote for the next OC to appear in your story.
| WAR-Operative chapter 1 . 8/5/2013
Hello there! It's great to see some new faces in the ThunderCats realm! I also see that you have a new story to offer, and I'm pretty good at giving critiques, so I decided to give my hand at reviewing yours. c:
First off: I would give some major revision to the summary of the story. Your character screams Mary Sue already from the opening, which is not a good thing. Secondly, I'd like to address the first chapter. I feel like you could really stretch it out and give Shea a lot more character. Take your time! There's no reason to rush her introduction into Thundera.
Secondly, I'd ixnay the orphan story. It also screams Mary Sue. She snaps really easily, and then storms up to the attic. I'd be alright with this is there were more lead up to it, but right now, it seems entirely unwarranted.
Nice touch with the cat-ears and the cat-tail, though. I like it.
I would like to say, though, I'm worried that your story is too much like another story, Jewel of Omens. It's great that you're drawing inspiration from that story, but so far, but you need to distinguish between the two of you.
Also, I'd heavily recommend scanning for grammatical errors. There are tons of them in your story. So a beta might be a good idea.
And you need to break up dialogue. When people talk, you have to space for new lines. Additionally, if Shea is an orphan, I know from research that orphanages aren't very well-funded. So how is so so adept at fencing? Also, fencing doesn't teach people how to use swords - it teaches them how to fight with rapiers and sabers.
I'd recommend redoing this chapter. Take your time with it, stretch it out - explain things. Describe actions and characters.
But all in all, you're off to a good start. I'd just say you need to work on it a little more.
| Guest chapter 4 . 8/3/2013
B. this is really good please don't stop
| Himeno Kazehito chapter 4 . 8/3/2013
I vote A. Tyler. I like this story a lot. Its really cool
| Heart of the Demons chapter 4 . 8/2/2013
That was pretty quick. You're totally speeding things along with the Wily twins' introduction. And, of course, you're pretty capable of keeping everybody else in character, even Shea. You, madam, are the mistress of "ThunderCats" storytelling.
| James Birdsong chapter 3 . 7/30/2013
Good story Code Cupid.
| Heart of the Demons chapter 3 . 7/26/2013
This chapter was amazingly written. You do well in keeping the main characters in character, and your original character, Shea, is no slouch either. I was so impressed that she told Tygra off in the scene with both of them, Lion-O, Claudus, and Grune, and even more impressed that she went to the branch to ring the royal bell before an evil premonition caused her to fall into the ocean. And it looks like Lion-O is developing feelings for her. I hope he can tell her before she goes home to her own dimension.