|Reviews for The Tiger and The Dragon|
| SPAZZZ chapter 7 . 11/20/2013
Ahhh! Sorry on my examples from your story I messed up.
The original one didn't have "be" in it, so that's why in the revised version I inserted it and put parentheses in there xD
Oh, also I was going to tell you to make sure not to start a sentence with Because or But without adjoining/explaining more on the sentence with a comma. A couple times I've seen that pop up. I would post an example, but I have to post this review on a different chapter because FF won't let me post two reviews on the same chapter lol. Here's an example of what I mean though:
Correct: "Because he had no sense of humor, he didn't laugh at my joke."
Incorrect: "He didn't laugh at my joke. Because he had no sense of humor."
The reason why is for one, it looks prettier and also it will make your sentences more flowy and not choppy. I hope I don't sound like a grammar/spelling/sentence nazi, I've been trained that way as I am an English tutor at my school. I just want to be helpful, as you are very helpful when it comes to critiquing my story :D
| ThalieXVII chapter 9 . 11/19/2013
That was sad for the villagers who died...
I do wonder when that guy will come back for Heiden... I bet he will not forget or forgive... Heiden better be careful. Mina as well since they know where she is... Those guys won't let go...
The fight scene was very well done with many details and much lively so it was easy to imagine.
Don't worry for the time, what is important is the quality of the story and you got it.
| SPAZZZ chapter 9 . 11/19/2013
Awww! Thanks for the mention! :)
First of all, let me just say that chapter was very exciting! I can't wait to find out what comes next. You did a very nice job of describing the action/fight scenes, especially with how he shifted his weight onto the other leg, and all of the moves that each fighter (I say fighter because there were multiple people fighting and a bunch of different things going on) was doing, how their bodies were reacting and such. Very nice lead into why Emmerich dug those graves; it's easy to tell that you've organized the events to come and it all flows nicely.
Another one of your reviewers has already picked this out, but I'll just go ahead and agree with him/her. Commas are your friend, so make sure to use them. Commas are typically used to divide up a sentence with short pauses, as to give clarity to the reader and keep a sentence neat. However, you don't want to put a comma in the wrong place or put too many or else it just makes the sentence awkward. There's a technique I use in order to be sure whether or not a comma is needed; read a sentence aloud or imagine yourself describing it to an audience. Whenever you take a short pause for a breath or whatever, that is when a comma is needed. I hope that makes sense haha. I'll put up an example.
Original: "...It's true, we may be far from saints, but we refer to ourselves as adventurers and treasure hunters if you will.”
Revised: "It's true. We may (be) far from saints, but we refer to ourselves as adventurers and treasure hunters, if you will."
Also, remember that whenever your taking a brief moment in a sentence to explain someone's name, a place or so, a comma is needed. An example being: My teacher, Mrs. Thomas, is a wonderful person.
There was a couple parts where I caught that tiny error, but I don't have enough internet time (my parents restrict my internet time :( ) to scroll back through the story and find it. Just look over it I guess lol.
I'll also point out that Maxi's weapon's name is Soryuju, not Soryruju haha _
I hope that helps! You're doing very well and I can't wait for the next update! :D
| SPAZZZ chapter 8 . 11/1/2013
Yay! I can't wait for the next update! Emmerich has gone all cray cray! D:
Haha most of my chapters are 1,500 to 3,000 words long...I feel like such an underachiever lol. Anyways, keep writing, I can't live with this cliffhanger, and I absolutely love this story! :D
| soulspark chapter 8 . 7/15/2013
Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
| ThalieXVII chapter 8 . 7/11/2013
The fight with the shovel was interesting and I like the dark omen it seems to bring...
I would have exclaimed the same thing as Achmad about the wife thing. I didn't imagine he was a married man...
Maxi's comment about the going to tavern thing was funny!
I really like how Heiden and Maxi are getting along now :)
I knew Mina was not following for her staff... She wants him to travel with her or to get into a relationship? I bet she would only ask for the travelling part right now even if she likes him...
So it stops on a cliffhanger? Can't wait for the rest!
I really encourage you to continue the story and I'm glad you got many sick ideas for it :)
| darkwings13 chapter 7 . 5/18/2013
*Since, not sense. You're using it wrong. I noticed it in the previous chap but I thought it was just a slip of the fingers. So I'm just letting you know now :)
Anyway, I enjoyed the atmosphere in the tavern and I have to say you're doing very well with Maxi's character! His personality is now very well fleshed out, like in the part where the two woodcutter brothers interrupted him and he cracked the joke about his drink.
''Hey! Maxi, how is it going?'' Achmad asked.
''Well,'' I said jokingly between coughs. ''It was going down good before you hit me on the back.''
I was very amused lol. This chapter was a good way to introduce some foreshadowing and build up on Maxi's personality and relationship, like how he's responding well to Heiden's apology, wanting to search for Kilik and Xianghua, etc and such. I know you're referencing to the spreading news of monsters up north in Germany because of Soul Edge and I look forward to what happens next :D
Now now, remember what I said about reviews? A writer writes with the purpose of creating a story, not for the praise or opinions of others. It's an act of enjoyment and for letting your creativity take shape. As long as you have favorites and people who read your story, you should continue to write without feeling saddened by a lack of reviews. You are a budding writer at your age and I'm very proud of your improvements. You're becoming a wonderful writer so trust me, you don't have to worry at all about the lack of reviews because you should be extremely proud of how beautifully your story is written. Your writing is enjoyable and smooth like cream :)
| darkwings13 chapter 6 . 5/18/2013
Splendid! The chapter was well described, fluid, and well written overall! I liked the atmosphere, small gestures when Mina talked to Lenobia. The way things were described were very beautiful. I'm actually in awe. This is my favorite line of the chapter.
The grass slithered from side to side, creating a sea of green waves while the large white ash tree I sat under shook and swayed its branches along with the wind's howl.
Poetic, elegant and it simply gives me a very calming and descriptive image.
The ritual interesting although I felt like it lacked some... 'sparks'. Of course, over-exaggeration isn't a good idea but I think it should have a little something more to give it that etereal/magical feel. I did like the part where Mina told Maxi that he should concentrate on something positive and harmless. A nice and simple addition to the ritual.
There are some minor errors with dialogue to look out for.
1)she said; ''Oh! That reminds me. We'll be leaving and going on a trip of our own, back to the north.''
It should be she said, ''Oh! That reminds me. We'll be leaving and going on a trip of our own, back to the north.''
Use commas :)
2)''So you went ahead and met with him anyway, even when I told you not to.'' She said quietly.
It should be ''So you went ahead and met with him anyway, even when I told you not to,'' she said quietly.
You don't capitalize she or use a period if you're attaching the dialogue tag at the end.
| ThalieXVII chapter 7 . 5/14/2013
I'm glad Maxi and Heiden finally got along. It's too bad M. Mendel came and insulted his son stirring his jealousy but it's very realistic and looks like some real father/son relation. I really enjoyed all the interactions between everybody in the tavern and Achmad and Albelard made me think of some mischievous hobbits from the Lord of the ring or something. Very good chapter!
| spongebob chapter 1 . 3/12/2013
I love tigers and dragons by spongebob
| ThalieXVII chapter 6 . 2/19/2013
I hope you will find a better computer, it will really work better for you. But I think that chapter was nice even with the problems you had. So is Maxi really alright? And will he travel with Mina? I'll see next time.
| Keyboardsaurus chapter 2 . 2/13/2013
I like where this is going, how Maxi thinks of the village. And his reaction to the ceremony, and his first glimpse at Mina.
I haven't Played FFX in years (probably because i suck at such games)
I'm not much for words. But i'll keep on reviewing and i'll let you know if there's something wrong, or at least how i felt about the story.
Anyway nice chapter!
| Keyboardsaurus chapter 1 . 2/13/2013
So far so good.
Final Fantasy X reference...Is it Final Fantasy X? I don't know my Final Fantasy games...
Anyway! Great work on the first chapter.
| DarkVampireOfTheNight chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
Oh I remember this series. I actually like it. 33
| ThalieXVII chapter 5 . 1/29/2013
That was a good chapter! I liked Mina's story and how Maxi wants to travel again but somehow thinks about Mina and the village. I'll wait for the rest.