Reviews for Detonate
SoonTheApocalypse chapter 10 . 7/4/2014
Wow, this story is very, erm ... interesting, I guess would be a good word to use here. It's certainly entertaining, and is very well written. However, I'd like to pull up a few issues that I found with it, if I may? For starters, I think that you've portrayed Lilly as being far too violent. One of the reasons why what she did in Episode 3 was so shocking was that she was not, inherently, a violent person. You'll notice that, even though people are constantly getting up in her face and pushing her buttons for the duration of her time in the game, she never once loses control and physically lashes out at anyone. On the contrary, she actually becomes quite shocked/angry when another group member DOES show violent tendencies (unless it was done in self-defence, of course), showing that she doesn't generally approve of such behaviour. And yet, in this story, you've had her attacking characters on an almost alarmingly frequent basis, even going as far as to have her try and physically intimidate Lee in the most recent chapter. I mean, don't get me wrong - it's funny (hilarious, even), I just don't feel that it's very in-character for her. As a leader-like figure, Lilly seems to pride herself on being able to keep a lid on things, even when she'd clearly like nothing better than to tear someone's face off. On a related note, on the subject of the the whole "bionic arm" thing (which was certainly a jaw-dropping plot twist), I don't think that Lilly would flail the thing around so carelessly. If she was, indeed, crippled before the apocalypse began, then she'd be entirely dependent on maintaining the condition of her artificial arm if she wanted to keep her chances of survival high. In my experience, replacement limbs can be fairly flimsy things that are prone to getting broken or damaged when exposed to great stress and strain (this isn't Fullmetal Alchemist or somethin' - we're not talking about an Automail arm here, hehe), and Lilly would have no real means of repairing any damage it sustains, so ... her using it to punch with (when she also has a regular, perfectly healthy arm to perform such actions instead)? Yeah, I don't think that Lilly would be so stupid somehow. It's all about survival for her, after all. One other thing that jumped out at me while reading this was the slight inconsistency with Mark's (who was apparently French-speaking - did you make him Canadian for this fic or something?) characterisation - at first he was completely friendly with (perhaps even slightly subservient to) Lilly, calling her "boss" and such, whereas in the very next chapter, he was aggressively insulting her and calling her a "bitch". That seemed a bit off to me. Was that maybe down to you taking a while between updates and losing your grip of the characters a little? Either way, it irked me slightly. And that concludes my critiquing (or rather, nit-picking) of your story - I didn't really find anything else wrong with it. On the contrary, those few issues aside, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also praise you for starting to lean more towards a romantic pairing of Lilly & Lee (despite initially stating that you were going to go with Lee & Carley for this story), as I find those two to be a much more interesting couple. They just have so much more going on between them (on several levels) when written convincingly, whereas Lee & Carley are usually only good for the more standard, "fluffy" scenes. I don't think I've ever read a single gripping narrative that involved those two getting romantic with one another. It's a shame that you stopped updating this story really, because despite the minor flaws that I pointed out, I still think it had/has great potential. It's a pity... Still, consider this a positive (though measured) review. Nice story. Hopefully you'll come back to this one day.
RrrAAYYY3389 chapter 10 . 12/26/2013
Omg I love this story it's fantastic.
I wanna see lary beat up lee or Kenny beat up lee just someone kick lee's ass
Sami chapter 10 . 8/25/2013
This was a great story so far! Only one thing-Clementine said the bandits shot Mark in this chapter. Was it just a mistake? I thought they shot the other guy… :/
I like Travis and Mark a lot so I'm satisfied. :)
But I do like Ben too…Like, a lot. Will he be nearly as important to the story as Travis?
Guest chapter 10 . 7/8/2013
Oh! I'm so glad you're continuing with this story. This is my favorite and I've been following it for so long. Hope you finish it or, at the very least, finish this 'episode' and have an interesting conclusion to it. Your writing is wonderful as usual and I really hope to see more of it in the future!
Rashad chapter 10 . 7/3/2013
I've enjoyed these stories but if you truly must leave then you should do so. You shouldn't put fanfiction above what ever is going on in your life. I love how you take the events that happened in the game and fill in the gaps and add a little here and there (lIke Travis being alive and Jim). You are a truly gifted writer.

God bless you and your family.
Guest chapter 10 . 7/2/2013
Carlee ftw
backfromthedead91 chapter 10 . 7/1/2013
umm... who's the one shot by the arrow? Jim or Mark?
I-am-LB3 chapter 1 . 7/1/2013
I like your stories man. They're really good. Keep it up.
WistfulSong chapter 8 . 4/1/2013
Well this is a promising story, its been great thus far and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

My only question is if this is a CarLee fic? For at the moment it seems to be a Carley x Doug fic even though he is dead. Anywho great story thus far and Lilly is being a lot more likeable than she was in the game. Great stuff, looking forward to your next update
Boxhead chapter 8 . 3/8/2013
Really nice I would like to read more.
Doctor Clementine Who chapter 8 . 2/2/2013
Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
YoullNeverFindME chapter 5 . 1/31/2013
I'd like to hear from Doug again...
Guest chapter 8 . 1/19/2013
That ending with travis blew my mind! Can't wait for the next update!

Guest chapter 3 . 1/1/2013
When are u updating?!
The What-If Writer chapter 1 . 12/19/2012
This is an amazing story. Very well written.
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