|Reviews for Occupation Change|
| xenocanaan chapter 11 . 4/17
I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Lost chapter 3 . 4/9
Some pretty basic new author mistakes. Have you considered posting on a fanfiction forum? The guys on dark lord potter are kinda dicks don't let the name fool you they have all kinds of fandoms and if you straight up say you know you need help they wont josh on you there are quite a few good authors even if some of them have questionable morals or tastes,Space battles has a creative writing board and so does Sufficient velocity jacobk gives constructive criticism frequently maybe you could ask him or one of the authors you like to betaor give a indepth review ? worst there going to do is say no or flame. There are other forums too the federation and hawks fanfiction forum reborn and some of the boards on this site for fanfics are more like online clubs gaberial blessing seemed to run a pretty friendly one.
| Enigma infinite chapter 11 . 4/2
Your writing has change a bit but I like the current one better.
Visit tv tropes for references.
| Callian31 chapter 4 . 3/31
Ok, I'm going to be honest. I don't like this. It's not because it's poorly written or anything. But, I don't think you should have the intermissions. I was starting to get into this story BECAUSE it didn't start out when the character was reborn. You got to guess and find out about their life AFTER it happened. I was having fun trying to figure out what all changed and getting bots and pieces of information at a time. What caught my interest in the story was that rose facts distinguished it from all the other stereotypical Self Inserts out there. Ok, let's say you couldn't have found a way to fit in a flashback of series of flashbacks throughout the story. You could have done it as a seperate story instead of some stupid intermission that interrupts the whole flow of the story. We got a cool and suspenseful ending but suddenly we're taking a break to learn some useless information about the past. It suddenly turns from a break in the norm to right back to being like EVERY SINGLE self insert story. Minus a few acceptations. I'm just going to ignore these and move on with the part of the story I care about and hope you remove these intermissions and put them in their own separate story. Other than that good Jo so far and I want her with Kakashi.
| Guest chapter 4 . 3/31
AWESOME! Now I want more from the past lol before I saw the intermission I wanted to continue the storyline but I love how you did this chapter... And now I have to wait to read the next part :"( thanks for posting!
| Guest chapter 2 . 3/31
AWESOME ! This is a completely different way to insert a character into the story. Was not expecting her to be team 7 sensei XD LOVE IT!
| xbox432 chapter 11 . 3/31
Good chapter, nice to get some more background info on the OC. And I'm liking how the kids are coming together as a team in defense of their sensei. They've already become quite attached to her due to her treatment of them.
I have noticed that you keep writing "the Yoshida" every time you write her last name, if I remember right you even did so in prior chapters... though it's been a while since I read them and my memory might be wrong.
| Guest chapter 9 . 3/25
Hum...I'm always to disappointed when I have to read her past after two chapters D,: Awh well, chapter away
| Guest chapter 7 . 3/24
I vote for Kakashi too Usually I'd consider him a cliche pairing, but It'd actually work in this. I wouldn't mind pairing her up with Obito, but he has Rin already, so that's out !
| Guest chapter 6 . 3/24
Ahh This is just too interesting, I wanna skip all her fillers! But, I won't, because I like character development
| Guest chapter 4 . 3/24
I think you write well enough to include a side romance.
| Guest chapter 9 . 3/9
| Guest chapter 10 . 3/1
This is a really great fan fiction. You are an amazing person XD
| Furionknight chapter 10 . 1/20
I look forward to more :)
| Memory25 chapter 8 . 11/29/2014
Hiya I'm back and raring to review! SO!
I made a list (actual written one) of corrections to be done. I'll write overall opinion after.
1) '...nothing of his teammates being anything but useless' doesn't make sense as a sentence in and of itself. Lol. Thought nothing of means to give no thought which makes sense if you put it into context of him 'thinking nothing of his teammates being anything except useless'. The problem is 'anything but useless'. Well. When I single it out like that you should already see the phrasing problem, right?
2) 'Though she was slightly astonished...Eri knew better than to feel surprised.' Contradiction. If she knew better than why'd she feel it? I don't understand this point, basically.
3)The term 'dominant emotion' does not make sense in this context especially when the dominant emotion is not identified and instead an action is given. So either identify it or indicate why it would cause the action. Otherwise there's something of a '...where's the link?' feeling.
4)'Erinee-chan' basically mis-hyphenating.
5)'If anything,...,while his genjutsu was pretty much non-existant.' Since the context is that Naruto was heinously lowly rated by teachers, the genjutsu comment does not follow the train of thought that he is not as bad as indicated or was mislabeled. Should be separated from the praise.
6) 'Unbelievable stamina with strength to boot' The strength came out of left field. Since it had not been previously stated, just coming out and tacking 'with strength to boot' causes some confusion.
7)'Comradery' is actually camaraderie. The previous word does not exist lmao. Don't start inventing words for your story!
8)'found the notion a change' What is the notion? If it's the fact that Naruto can be quiet, you'll have to say it because Naruto being quiet is not a notion, but an actual action. A notion is an idea.
9)'also proving usefulness' is weird because Sakura's usefulness was not previously indicated.
10)'Impressed with their teammate's thought' you can't be impressed with a thought...so impressed by his idea/cunning/circumventing rules etc etc?
11)'the Yoshida' ROFL. The yoda. AHAHAHA...yeah.
Well, that's about it. There was one thing that caught my eye 'more of an option instead of speculation'. I was just thinking (this may not play into your story idea so if not, ignore it) that if Konoha knew of Sasuke's problem...well...pretty much ALL their exams have emphasized teamwork, right? Even chunin, and who knows about Jounin. So...what if teamwork was NOT the 'option' that Sasuke thought? (I mean...obviously it's not because otherwise they wouldn't be failing chunin on that single criteria, right? Eh...) So. Just an idea. :)
OTHER than that, I think you've done something awesome with the story. Glad you updated and I will be slowly reviewing the other chapters. :D Love Eri's logical approach with her unique-to-Naruto's-world mindset. Wonder if she'll pioneer Shinobi therapy next. XP Flow is MUCH smoother although I see your fight-scenes are a bit weak. Eh. I suck at them too. Something about fast-paced imagery that does NOT make things easy to write. Elbows go everywhere.