|Reviews for The Return|
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/12
| Baddazz-Writer chapter 1 . 12/20/2013
Hi, I like the story keep going! Also as a fan of greek mythology can you take a few seconds to click the link below and Like HADES resume for me to win a scholarship! Hades is losing to Hermoine from harry potter and Santa. I don't have a problem with the two but come on hades should win:
| Guest chapter 3 . 10/30/2013
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 2 . 7/5/2013
I love the attention to detail in the places you include in this. I think that is absolutely fabulous. I thought the water part was really lovely. There was a part that repeated scattered twice in a sentence, but other than that I loved the flow of it. I’m glad that you showed Demeter in a more kept manner than breaking down and sobbing at the edge. You kept a class and an elegance to her that really gave her a well-rounded character.
I felt bad for the nymph who was harmed in this. I like the little outbursts of anger from Demeter. I thought that was really nice. I’m also glad that you touch on some of the gods who wanted Persephone and compared them to each other. I’m interested to see how Helios answers Demeter. I love that his horses roll their eyes. That line cracked me up. Obviously they don’t like to be stopped. I would be interested to know if Helios just runs the sun over Greece or the entire world as well. I do like the tension just before he admits it was Hades. That was really lovely.
The fact Demeter had let everything go to waste was really awesome. It was subtle, but at the same time not. I like how the sacrificed lamb is on the altar. It’s neat that you include those types of realistic things. I really like this. I think the writing in it is amazing.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 7/4/2013
Hades is my favorite Greek God which happens to be why this attracted me so quickly. I like Persephone fair enough and I enjoy that she’s waiting to go to above ground again. The description of the tapestries was quite lovely and the addition that Hades hung them there for her was sweet. The beginning was fantastic. I loved how he offered her his entire world except the audience chamber. Her countering by telling him that she is not his wife was a really nice way to end that first part. The dynamics created were fantastic.
The description of Charon was really nice, especially where it spoke of every stroke possibly being his last. I also liked her memories tied to the juniper bushes that were once in the meadow she played in before her life became this. I feel a bit of her sadness as she longs for the colors that once surrounded her. I do wish there had been a bit more detail to Cerberus other than the light in his eyes. The fact that Persephone is looking for Hermes though adds to the growing depression you’re creating.
I loved the audience chamber scene. That was absolutely beautiful in a very dark way. The fact that he gave the child a gift and even smiled was such a touching moment in this chapter. I worried for a moment what he was going to do to this woman, but I was glad to see it end up so nicely.
I love how Hermes comes in and the details about his wings slowing. That was really neat. The fact Persephone jokes about him forgetting her was cute. I love the way he tells her he’s going to see her safely out. That was really sweet.
| Roman chapter 3 . 7/2/2013
Homer himself would be proud
| Hurlstien chapter 1 . 5/29/2013
I've heard of the Persephone and Hades story before, but I've never really looked into it even though I find the idea really intriguing.
Her talking cold to him, kinda contrasting that she's in the underworld which is associated with fire and heat (or, at least, I do). The short sentences add to the chill: "I am not your wife. I never agreed to this."
I liked the description of Charon and Cerberus and the underworld in general, how "Her toes curled on the black rock" and "The dog's eyes gathered the light to them and glowed softly like Persephone's own gown".
The scene with Hades and the baby was really good, I like imaging characters that are 'evil' or perceived as 'evil' as having a softer side no matter how small.
I liked Persephone's determination and rebellious nature at the end there, and what Hades said, "It's my duty as a husband to see you out safely." Although I don't think you need to start a new paragraph after that and the next line, if you're still interested in editing this.
| persevera chapter 3 . 5/24/2013
Aww, beloved Persephone brings everything to life around her, even the God of the Underworld.
It is so sweet how he sits on a rock to watch her frolic in the sun, something that brings her such joy and that he can never do with her. But watching her also causes some pain, as with the sunlight coming in the window he created out of the rock in his domain. It just doesn't belong there.
I like this line about Cerberus. [Only a foolish soul believed the dog watched with just a third of his attention.] He has a job to do and will do it faithfully, receiving a scratching of all six ears from his master for his reward.
The most telling line and actions again come from Demeter, asking her daughter why would she want to leave her and return to the man that she still despises, even if Persephone doesn't, and the air turns colder around her.
[Besides Hades they seemed even more frail]- Should that be just beside? Only SPAG I spotted.
| persevera chapter 2 . 5/22/2013
Highly evocative, with just enough descriptive passages to crate a fantasy world, but not so much to overwhelm the reader or the story.
The petals on the ground was a little vague. You might want to suggest at that point that Demeter suspected something was wrong or have and anxious voice when speaking to Cyane.
Also with the girdle—you mention that water dripped down Demeter's bodice, then her dress turned opaque. It tends to make one think the girdle was hers as well. Maybe some small description of the girdle before she holds it to her cheek would help distinguish it as the offering bouyed by the water.
And for the last paragraph, there needs to be some indication that it was a later time. If you don't want to say a few weeks later or something, you might say in speaking of Demeter that she was despondent over the continued absence of Persephone.
I only found on typo—[The nymph concealed in her home tree his from]- I think that's hid.
There were a couple of incomplete sentences—[Like the reed baskets...] and [The only place the sun...]
I really liked the characterization of Helios and Selene, almost like a busy couple who don't get to see each other often.
Favorite passages were [Cyane lapped around her feet, delicately stirring the lily so it floated gradually out of Demeter's reach]- It almost suggests a pet with the lapping at her feet, and that might be how the goddess thought of her favorite nymph. [colours from blood to the same pink as lily petals lit the clouds]- It's just pretty and I like the alliteration and imagery.
Overal, an emotional story, highlighting a mother's distress at the loss of her child.
| persevera chapter 1 . 5/20/2013
I like that Hades is portrayed as a love-sick suitor, willing to offer Persephone anything, and she continues to resist him. The line that time didn't mean as much in the Underworld suggested that this had been going on for quite some time. I especially that he'd put up the tapestries depicting nature...life...for her.
Curious that he didn't want her to see him at his most compassionate, with the mortal woman thanking and praising him for giving her back her baby. Interesting too that Persephone expected the worst from him and was prepared to assert herself as Queen of the Underground to help the woman.
Hades is learning—don't irritate; accommodate.
[His hands had been like a vice]- I don't guess any spellcheck picks that up, but it should be vise.
[He was not the enraged god of lightening]- Did you mean lightning?
I loved the line about the thrones, subtly saying that Persephone had never sat in hers.
[The fanciful design, carved in, suggested a climbing rose but it lacked a blush of pink to bring it to life]- She is consistent, not impressed with anything, no matter how grand, if it isn't alive.
I want to read more of your odd couple.
| RussianDestruction chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
OMG first off, can I say that I absolutely love Greek mythology?! I still do. The first books I ever read when I was about 4 (yes, I was a prodigy :P) were the illustrated children's classics on Greek mythology.
It never even occurred to me that there might be a fandom for this on this site, and now I'm thinking I might have to focus some efforts in it...!
The imagery is fantastic, especially the part where Hades hands her the rubies. The fact that I'm a Harry Potter addict shows in the fact that I'm imagining Hades as Snape. Only bearded, like Leonidas. (I have also always pictured Cerberus as Fluffy, ever since reading HP. I may or may not have a problem.)
I feel kind of bad for Hades in this. I mean, yes, he basically got her into the underworld by trickery, and yes, he's the darkness and Persephone is the light, but he's at least trying to treat her well, and she's not having it!
The contrast you work in throughout, about how even the prettiest aspects of the underworld pale in comparison to the beauty of the world above, are great.
I like that in your story, Persephone has “powers over death to equal her husband's”. I can't remember if she actually does in mythology. If that was your addition-nice touch.
“spectre like” needs a hyphen in there, I believe. Same with “black wrought”.
I know this isn't part of the story itself, but in the summary, you need to change “face were capable” to “face was capable”.
| spectrum700 chapter 1 . 5/13/2013
Beautiful detail in this! I could completely imagine this moment. You brought one of my favorite stories from Greek mythology to life. It takes an avid reader to pull this off!
| A.J chapter 2 . 4/19/2013
I think your an amazing author
| Jeneva Mehr chapter 3 . 12/3/2012
I like this story (except for the beard but I am not fond of beards myself). Your descrptions are very nice but your timeline transitions confuse me a little. Perhaps you could add a line in the page to seperate them? Anyways, I enjoy your portrayal of Hades since he really was not a bad person at all. Excellent job!
| Monito chapter 3 . 10/25/2012
Wow! great story I like the way you characterized Persephone she wasn't some crying simpering girl I enjoyed reading this very much I would love to see you continue writing more greek myth stories!