Really love archer in this book being around iri and kiritsugu make him significantly more interesting

Kayneth when he doesn't get a tool for a servant and gets one that doesn't appreciate his shit attitude is beatiful lol

Did ya really have to obscure Kintoki? Anyone whose played FGO knows who he was the moment he said Golden.

Reread this. Still got to be one of the best Fate Fics. Authors really need to write more Archer/Kiritsugu interactions. Its a shame this will most likely never be finished, but it was a good read nonetheless

I realize the story is dropped by now but I still feel that commenting on it shouldn't hurt anything. As such, I just wanted to point out that this was a very well written, if short, story that was fairly entertaining. My rating for the story is as follows:

Writing Quality: 5
Pacing: 3
Story Development: 4
Character Development: 5
World Building: 5
Overall: 4.4

Writing Quality, Character Development, and World Building were all very good with no major discernable issues whatsoever. There were very few grammatical errors, each character got plenty of screentime to flesh out their personalities, and there were very little errors (to my knowledge) of the background information for the Type Moon world.

Story Development was well done but simply shallow due to how short the story is coupled with the slow Pacing. The parts of the plot that were actually covered were done well but there was simply not enough content for any major development. After all, of the 130,000 words in this story only around 3 days passed in the Holy Grail War. Some of the story was build-up before the Grail War (which could be called a prologue), but the actual time that passed once the plot (read: Grail War) really started was very short compared to the number of chapters and words written.

Pacing is the one of the only major issues in this story and seems to stem from a single, specific problem that I have addressed in my previous comments. The constantly shifting, multiple Point of Views (POVs) for the numerous characters is entirely at fault for this issue. Attempting to put equal focus on so many different characters is not only difficult to write AND read, but also makes the Pacing nearly impossible to keep at a decent speed.

Another major issue is the fact that you haven't properly transitioned the POVs before shifting them, making the shift seem abrupt and cutting off scenes prematurely just when they were getting good. Leaving cliffhangers is an effective plot device for keeping readers' interest, but skimming over content once the POV shifts back makes readers feel a disconnect between scenes that is dissatisfying to say the least.

Overall, it was a good read but if you ever pick it back up I suggest a rewrite that focuses more on the main (Kiritsugu/Archer/Irisviel) POVs with a smattering of the other POVs as separate interlude chapters. This will keep the abrupt shifts to a minimum and speed up the plot to a much more acceptable pace.

Heh, Iskandar and Sola together at last XD

The abrupt changes in POV are making the plot move at a snail's pace. While detail is important to a story, it is also why most Authors focus only on a single or pair of main characters with the OCCASIONAL POV changes for added perspective. Trying to focus equally on ALL the Master/Servant pairs, plus any others that are part of the war, is really killing the pacing and making it annoying to read.

At ten chapters into the story (roughly 80,000 words assuming the chapters are all around the same length), only 2 days have passed in the Grail War and the only thing worthy of notice so far is Kayneth's pathetic death. There have been no real fights between Servants yet and, if you ignore the pitiful 'fight' between Waver and Kayneth, there have been no real fights between masters yet either.

The Kiritsugu vs Kirei fight was pathetically short and extremely disappointing. Not only was Kiritsugu somehow completely taken off-guard (despite doing this in the first place in order to lure him out), but he was DECIMATED by Kirei in a matter of moments. Once Kirei disarmed and incapacitated him...they talked about each other's lives, seemingly having a contest to see who knows more about the other. If Kirei had been trying to kill him, Kiritsugu would be dead already. As such, it is clear that this wasn't a real fight at all.

Hmm, I find Kiritsugu's responses to Kirei pathetic, though somewhat understandable. He is extremely out of shape for this kind of thing but I had hoped he would hold up a bit better than that. I'm disappointed that you cut the scene off midway through again though.

That dressing down of Kayneth by Lancer AND Rider was brilliant. The fact that he died by Kiritsugu's gun is also hilarious. I don't remember if Rider has Independant Action or not either, so he might be out of the running immediately!

Glad to see Caster finally makes his official debut as well. That Master/Servant pair is insane but at least they are entertaining.

Lol looks like Archer's getting Irisviel, Kiritsugu is getting Maiya, Saber's getting his master, and Rider's getting his master's fiance (Sola)! Things are shaping up to be an NTR fest at this rate! Depending on who everyone is rooting for, at least. I honestly hope Rider plows Kayneth's fiance Sola into the bed beside him for his disrespect! XD

On a more serious note, I find Archer's passive demeanor towards Kiritsugu annoying. Usually, from what I know, he would be scathingly sarcastic and make constant annoying quips to those he doesn't like. He's basically letting Kiritsugu walk all over him (by allowing him to ignore his presence), only finally speaking up for himself for the sake of the war plan but still not addressing Kiritsugu's blatant disrespect. I don't think he should put up with that shit.

Also, once again, I wish the POVs would stop jumping around so much. It's annoying to start really getting immersed in one of the POVs only for there to be an abrupt shift in POV and then a skip that merely summarizes what happened later once it shifts back. It makes reading the story extremely annoying. It is well-written and the content is good but the abrupt jumps in POV make it hard to really enjoy without frustration.

Just as an example, look the scene where Archer escorts(?) Irisviel home. They get home, have a war meeting, Iri goes to bed, and then right when Archer is confronting Kiritsugu for ignoring him...you abruptly change the POV and then skip the entire confrontation. When the POV shifts back to Archer, you only briefly summarize the confrontation, leaving MUCH to be desired for the entire scene.

Honestly, it is really frustrating and it has happened MULTIPLE times since the beginning of the story. My advice is to either lengthen the POVs and then have an actual TRANSITION into the next POV or to simply split all the POVs into individual chapters. Both of these methods would essentially do the same thing but the second method would probably make the chapters a bit shorter. It would be worth it either way though.

Meh, Berserker is either buffed too much or all the other characters have been nerfed for him not to have died in that exchange. It would have been different if the Command Seal was used to either empower him or teleport him away to save him, but it wasn't.

To make my point, Berserker tanked an A rank Broken Phantasm (Caladbolg II) to the face, Iskandar's Gordius Wheel head on, multiple other arrows/swords skewering him from Archer, and several prana burst empowered gashes from Caliburn by Saber. An A Rank Endurance doesn't allow someone to survive all of that. Maybe if it was A I would have accepted it or if his Divinity was very high, but neither of those are the case. Unless you are trying to say that his D rank Divinity actually protected him from all of that...

To FURTHER my point, Enkidu (who has an A rank Endurance stat according to you!) was knocked out from the A rank Broken Phantasm (Caladbolg II) just from being in close proximity to the attack, not even the target. Berserker was shot right in the face with that SAME attack and stood back up like nothing happened (just a little bloody). If it was a fatal blow and he kept fighting due to a Battle Continuation skill, it would have been acceptable. Otherwise, the fact that he tanked that so easily was bullshit.

Anyways, I think it would be extremely amusing if Archer fucked Irisviel. Considering Kiritsugu is fucking that Maiya girl (implied), he would have no legs to stand on even if Archer DID fuck Irisviel. It's not like he could get mad at her for it, considering his own actions. If Kiritsugu is cold towards Archer now, imagine if he fucked his wife XD!

Enkidu's Type Moon Wiki page shows that he had A rank Magic Resistance during FGO and all A rank parameters in Fate/Strange Fake so I think if anything you've nerfed him a little lol. Though, since that same page ALSO claims he is a near perfect rival for Gilgamesh, it would be safe to assume that their parameters would be closely matched.

So Kiritsugu is busy cheating on Irisviel while she is having a date with Archer...seems pretty strange for a married couple lol. Swingers, I guess. :P

I like the story so far but the POV changes are coming in too often and it makes it really hard to enjoy ANY of the POVs since they are so short and abrupt. It gives the feeling of jumping around constantly while making no real progress with the story. Hopefully this will stop once the war is started and focus more on Archer and Kiritsugu's POV since they are the listed MCs.

Those last two lines work so well on a lot of communities IRL as well as in story, along with some people who say "Oh, well that can't happen." in a fanfiction.

Just as it was really going the fic dies. Dude really left us hanging. Regardless, this was a really good and well written fic. Hope it returns one day, even if the chances are practically zero.