Reviews for Tabloid Journalism
Sendryl chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
This... This is beautiful.
Hilariously beautiful.
I love you so much right now.
Hugs, hugs for everyone! Except Rita. No hugs for you.
Divinely Ethereal chapter 1 . 2/7/2013
Pay more attention, won't you? Snape did NOT die from snake venom; after all Arthur Weasly still managed to cling to life while the St Mungo staff were scurrying around trying to figure out what was in the snake's venom. What clinched it for Weasley, apart from the fact that Harry and Co actually gave a fuck? Blood Replenishing Potion! That's right, your exalted Potions Master simply bled out on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. What, he is human after all, and Nagini was told to aim to kill in no unequivical terms.

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths to which Snape Stans go to edify him and his skills. I mean, hello, this is the guy who, despite being the Resident Dark Arts Expert was more or less completely clueless as to the source of Voldemort's continued existence ( even when Regulus Black and -of all people- Slughorn had the requisite knowledge) If he never knew of Horcruxes , or the idea had simply failed to occur to him, then I highly doubt he was the sort of person with the presence of mind to walk around with a Batman's Utility Belt of Potions For All Occasions. Snape was smart and gifted, surely, but his tragedy was that his prejudices/obsessions so consumed him that they blinded him to the truths that were right in front of him (the Horcrux mystery should have been fairly obvious to see for someone with his credentials and would have made things much simpler had he realised). But contrary to what you believe JKR wasn't simply engaging in egregious Snape-bashing ( which, incidentally, is what you're doing with Ron!- two kids hardly makes Hermione a brood mare!); after all even Hermione was occaionally hit with the Idiot Ball and couldn't/refused to see the Obvious Answer in front of her- off the top of my head, in the first book, Ron had to remind her that she was a witch and didn't need wood for fire/ she refused to even entertain Harry's concerns that Malfoy was a DE and was Planning Something/scoffed at the Hallows etc heck, even the brilliant Tom Riddle failed to foresee that setting a monster on Hogwarts students would get the school closed and his ass shipped off back to the orphanage he hated. Bottom line is: JKR writes flawed characters who couldn't be Always Brilliant, so stop trying to elevate the quality of Snape's mind, and start acknowledging the tragic flaws that prevented him from ever reaching his full potential (besides, who are you to say he even planned on surviving the War? Certainly he had nothing to live for.)

Re Rita Skeeter: Anyone who is British, or has made incursions into the culture, would automatically recognise that The Daily Prophet is the HP counterpart of The Daily Mail (hilariously nicknamed The Daily Wail or The Daily Fail), which despite vastly lurid, sensationalist stories and misrepresentative headlines is worrisomely the second largest UK paper in terms of circulation, with a readership demographic comprising the Uppity Middle Class(who are represented by the Dursleys in HP, in fact I do believe Vernon Dursely was seen reading the Mail in one of the books/movies). Skeeter and her Quick Quotes Quill is endemic of what passes for journalistic integrity at the DM, where there have been documented cases of misconstrued quotes and fabrications, and just like the Prophet, The Daily Mail is a national mainstream paper, and not some local rag, though it certainly behaves like one.

"the author does not in fact believe J.K. Rowling is an alter-ego of Rita Skeeter. Although it would explain quite a bit, don't you think?"

Actually, JKR's utter contempt for the Uppity Middle Class and the Values it Stands For (so jealously guarded by The Daily Mail) is well-documented, so no, it wouldn't "explain quite a bit", except your own transparent prejudices( do get to know a bit about the character of the person you're making assumptions about). The Harry Potter Series was Rowling's story to tell; there is no conspiracy, no story behind the story, and no God-given right (enshrined in Fandom Constitution) to dictate to her how it was to be written or ended. Sorry for the TL;DR wall of text, and for turning a light-hearted piece into Sirius Business, but said piece is symptomatic of the bitter and delusional attitudes that make Snapefen so reviled in HP fandom, and on top of that, the catty comments and ad-hominem attacks you lot make about JKR (her competence, her failed first marriage etc) make you look as petty and small-minded as canon Snape himself.
elemout chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
This explains why HERMIONE would choose that otherwise tolerable but with her a total asshat imbecile, stupid ron.
Very Small Prophet chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
Yes, that explains everything, especially the otherwise inexplicable phenomenon of "Hermione Weasley."
Roberly chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
That was hilarious!
azulkan2 chapter 1 . 1/29/2013
Lol, absolutely love this. Indeed it does make serious sense.
stexgirl2000 chapter 1 . 12/5/2012
Very funny! (And I have to say that death by snake venom for Snape's always bothered be precisely for the potion-master's point.)
keelhaulrose chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
Oh, if only this really happened...
Great fic. I loved it. I'm off to read your other works.
r.triss chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
Do you think Rowling read this? It would be quite funny to see her response :-)
bravenclawesome chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
This is pure genius. Love it! Looking forward to more from you in the future. You made my day :)
Cbz chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
HA! Brilliant, the idea is epic!
Wonderful one-shot!

Keira-House M.D chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
So amusing, Severus is fantastic. Great one-shot.
sharpestsatire chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
This was brilliant! I love it!
Lilmissxx chapter 1 . 10/3/2012
This really made me laugh - thanks! :)

Loten chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
Of course I'm not disappointed - well, okay, maybe a little bit, but as we discovered, it would have unravelled if it had been any longer. You already have my thoughts on this so I don't even know why I'm reviewing, but nonetheless, I still like it :P
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