|Reviews for Leap|
| 1Olivia chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
This is so sad! Poor Al!
| MentalDauntless42 chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Woah. Why are you so awesome? Loved the story... :)
- *YOU KNOW WHO
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
Wish I knew these characters, then this would be much more effective for me, but it can't be helped. This is still done in a thoughtful way though, and I think you captured the emotional upheaval of a suicidal, depressed person pretty well. I certainly feel bad for the guy, feeling all inadequate and not good enough for the woman he loves... Well done.
"... the warm salty air against his skin. The soft spray of water gently pressed against his skin..."
I'd say 'warm, salty air against him' to avoid word repetition.
"Or I'll swear I'll kill you."
'I swear, I'll kill you'.
"Oh god, Tris. Al loved her with a fury. Ever since he saw her throwing knives. God, she had the willpower of a lion."
Would look more professional and consistent to capitalize 'god'.
" in his fear landscape."
Maybe landscape of fear?
"Did he want this this?" typo
"Al's last moments were spent in tears. Al's last moments was spent in sorrow and regret. Al's last moments were spent thinking... of everything."
'Was' should be 'were'.
"He heard the roar of the rogue water in his ears. Goodbye world, you've lost another person, he thought."
I know it's not your intention, but my first impression of this line (the thing that popped into my head without me even thinking) was, "This is humorous." I would perhaps reword this because I don't think you wanted this to seem funny at all...
Have him utter something about his lost love to up the sad a bit :)
| Punzie the Platypus chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
NO NO AL MY FEELS.
| ALW4 chapter 1 . 9/27/2012
Oh, my gosh, so emotional :((((((. Great job!