|Reviews for Fragments|
| Rennet chapter 1 . 7/18/2014
Love it! Poor clone...
| FadingKnight chapter 1 . 6/19/2013
Wow I started to tear up loved the ending
| impoeia chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
A very interesting look at the after-math of a devastating battle and quite heartbreaking as well. But this is one the most amazing OneShot's I've ever read and for several reasons.
One, you've perfectly captured the clone mindset with Four-One. This balance between the perfect soldier and the man, one focused on doing his job and following his regs and the other just trying to cope with the loss of his brothers. It's a difficult mindset for most readers to get into, because I suppose we are the perpetual "civvie". We scream and cry and maybe think about sucking vacuum, while outwardly, the clones appear calm, collected and keep going on as if nothing happened. A very deceptive persona, but one that seems ingrained into them. Like Four-One, wanting nothing more than to eat and focusing on the proper sequence of post-mission actions, while only really thinking about his brothers when the woman tries to dishonor their sacrifice by throwing the life they saved for her away.
This leads me to my second point, this amazing juxtaposition between what makes a life worth living. Four-One has his job, which seems to keep him afloat for now in the face of his loss. But the woman makes everything secondary to the loss of her friends and family, up to the point where nothing else matters. And that touches on a very interesting issues for the clones. Just how important is their job really, when compared to the heavy losses they have to endure? Whose response is the right one? Four-One's or the woman's?
Then there's three, the language and its effect. I love the inclusion of the slang in this, the way the clones talk, mixed in with this very formal military jargon. It's very much a language and a culture of its own, which shows just how unique the clones are. But it also generates a certain level of...I'll go with humor, for lack of a better word. So often, moments like these are so filled with tragedy, that they carry elements of hilarity in it, which only adds to the surreal of it all.
For all the tragedy of this, I can only say that you have captured a reality in this story that is mind-blowing. Wonderfully, wonderfully written and done.
| Rexness613 chapter 1 . 5/10/2013
So sad :( By the way, that was me earlier. Sorry!
| Falkenauge chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
'Surely this was why the clones were different, were better. Because they had the strength to carry on when everyone around them had fallen. After all their friends had died. He was a professional. Dedicated to his job because... well, that was all he had.'
Loved that line. The contrast between the civilans and clones is well done. 'If it weren't for their dithering and delaying over stupid things like luggage, the rest of his squad might've made it back.'
Though you have to feel sympathy for her, she lost her planet after all. I didn't spot any grammar mistakes either and everything went along just fine.
Oh, and question; is this going to continue in any romantic ways? It is rated M after all. Otherwise, I believe it doesn't deserve such a harsh rating.
| 6GunSally chapter 1 . 10/7/2012
I liked the story and the quality of the writing. I don't normally prefer the writing style, but for this story, I don't see how you could have done it any other way. I guess the main reason it seemed so strange to me is that I'd always thought of Storm Troopers as little more than robots (they die by the dozens and their armor dehumanizes them-at least in the films). So at first I thought-what the heck is this? But looking at it from the perspective of a soldier coming back from a battlefield, I thought it was nicely done. The thought at the end was very sad-and brought the whole piece together nicely. Bravo.
| Blue Raspberry Boy chapter 1 . 10/3/2012
Nice! Loved it! :)
| SerendipityAEY chapter 1 . 10/1/2012
I love the look inside what is for the clone troopers, after a battle dealing with everything in the way they have to - medbay, food, hydrate, then sleep. :) I really liked his inner voice, no nonsense.
Loved the last line! This could get really interesting! Very enjoyable
| laloga chapter 1 . 10/1/2012
This part? "I'm tired, sore, and I have a powerful urge to eat sometime this week. So if you could quit it with the histrionics and go to the med bay like a good little civvie, I'd appreciate it!" The lines felt very "Firefly-esque" to me. :)
Love this! Fantastic job showing the contrast between civvies and clones, especially the tension that would surely erupt from the two "kinds" of people being forced to commingle under such stressful circumstances. I loved Four-One's attitude about the whole thing. He had a bad day at work; she lost her entire planet.
"Ma'am, that's not my rank or name." XD Great comeback to her salty "Captain Obvious" comment!
This has so much potential! I can't wait to see where it goes! I don't see "romance" up there in the genre, but I'm silly about that kind of thing, and will (not-so) secretly continue to hope that it crops up eventually. :P No matter what, I'm looking forward to more of this story!
| DA7 chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
"Sucking hard vacuum without a suit is a very bad idea, (M)a'am. Step away from the control panel(,) and I'll escort you back to your section."
"Why thank you for your input(,) Captain Obvious. Now piss off!" she snarled at him.
"Sarcasm isn't your forté is it(,) (M)ate? Go. Away. In a few minutes(,) you won't have to worry about a civilian in this part of the ship."
She crossed her arms and swivelled away from him stiffly(,) (w)aiting for him to leave.
"Ma'am(,) are you going to leave(,) or do I have to drag you?"
"Look(,) (M)a'am, a lot of my friends didn't come back from that planet. I'm tired, sore, and I have a powerful urge to eat sometime this week. So if you could quit it with the histrionics and go to the med bay like a good little civvies(,) I'd appreciate it!"
"The gall of it!" He tightened his grasp(,) and she yelped and shut up.
-Is the quoted part Four-One’s thoughts? If so, you need to start a new paragraph.
"CT-16/841." He snapped to attention, as much as he could when he was holding onto an uncooperative civilian.
"I interrupted her attempt to throw herself out the airlock, and was taking her to med bay for sedation." Four-One explained. "I could use a hand though."
-This dialogue of these three sentences above is confusing. Who is speaking?
“The troopers peeled her off him and towed her away, still weeping. Four-One was left alone in the corridor, the sound of the woman's sobbing echoing around him and through him.
Surely this was why the clones were different, were better.
Because they had the strength to carry on when everyone around them had fallen. After all their friends had died.
He was a professional. Dedicated to his job because... well, that was all he had.
That was all there was... right?”
-Why is this batch of sentences at the end separated? It could be one paragraph.
- I’m aware of the original three Stars Wars movies, but not the cartoon. However, this one shot was interesting. I will say that the only emotionally moving part of it was the end. When the civilian cries about everyone being dead, and Four-One reflects. It would have been nice if you weren’t further into that idea. You did well with Four-One’s point of view, especially at the beginning.
-Notes: Watch your grammar. Also, don’t use floating dialogue unless you’re going to make it clear who’s speaking. Also, some of the dialogue is confusing because it reads like it’s attached to the wrong speaker. Otherwise, this one-shot was fine. Keeping up the good work.
| LongLiveTheClones chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
Loved it. But, I think it would be better if there was a second chapter. You know, he runs into her again... Then, maybe something happens...
Hey, you have the "M" rating going already...