|Reviews for Interloper 2: The Collector Crisis|
| windo chapter 54 . 3/10
Enjoying the story cannot wait for the next installment.
| general-joseph-dickson chapter 54 . 3/5
| V-rcingetorix chapter 54 . 3/4
Hey, you do what you can. Welcome to the New Year!
No major grammar/spelling issues. Looks like you can keep clam and spellcheck!
Got one logic issue though; how can the Mk 8 be able to smash its way through the deck plates, and yet have a failing HUD ... or so it looks? I guess the more likely reason is that your protagonist hit his head ... again ... and is now enjoying the results of a liberal bonking on top of another head bonk. Technical terms, of course. At this rate, he'll have a skull thicker than Batman's.
Keep up the good work!
| Sorlian chapter 54 . 3/2
Well, two found, three to go. Hopefully the Mk. 8 still works after that beating, or Liddle will be in even more trouble. I mean, they haven't even gotten to the fun part yet! Though I suppose one step at a time.
| general-joseph-dickson chapter 53 . 10/13/2016
| V-rcingetorix chapter 53 . 10/12/2016
Actually, a good place to end. I'd rather a decent endpoint than a lackadaisical endpoint halfway through a thought. It's like not finishing a sen -
Anyway, good to see that Liara/OC are able to keep their heads above water. I'd have thought there would be more resources available to the Shadow Broker, despite the circumstances, but I also suppose that wouldn't be as good a story, yes?
Penultimate arc, yes! Bring it on! And keep up the good work :)
| general-joseph-dickson chapter 52 . 9/27/2016
He hurt EDI's feelings.
| Sorlian chapter 52 . 9/26/2016
He might have hurt EDI's feelings! Also while dangerous and worrying, I think that encounter ended up a net positive, with all the loot, and finding out more about their Salarian ally. And hopefully maybe even left some of the stuff and maybe some semi-cryptic note for the Turians, couldn't hurt to garner some (likely very minor) good will with the 'police' of citadel space!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 51 . 9/14/2016
And the #50 cliffy is avenged, many thanks :)
| Sorlian chapter 51 . 9/14/2016
Well, that went south quickly. Always remember to bring excessive clips! But yeah, was expecting them to have to make their own exit, considering the numbers being thrown at them. My only question is, will he continue to let EDI drive? And a very diverse bunch they have so far; Human Asari, Turian, AI, Salarian. So, what is next? Quarian, Volus, Batarian, Krogan, Drell, or Elcor? Perhaps something even more exotic! So many choices! Though it feels like they might want or need someone with some heavy combat experience, maybe crowd control of some sort, so they don't get overrun so badly.
| Sorlian chapter 50 . 8/30/2016
Hmm, hopefully he faked his death and isn't some sort of husk (or the Salarian equivalent). I was also thinking Kai Leng with the sword, or Cerberus Phantoms in general. Interesting to see chemical propelled slugs being used, but makes sense for smugglers with everything being mass effect based now. Looking forward to more from the 'second' team!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 50 . 8/29/2016
Cliffie, but goodie. The descriptions were well done; I practically smelled the approach. Very well done!
| 1529 chapter 49 . 6/30/2016
A very good story. The mental break started what I think was a massive weak point in the storyline where things became odd, but I believe that this last chapter has begun to straighten the story back out.
The combination of the story of Michael's physical, mental and emotional self was taken too far, I believe. Physically there was reason and logic, but to also have the character regress so far both mentally and emotionally? A couple of steps too far.
I'm glad that portion of the story seems to be over... it was a bit difficult to read.
Thanks for writing.
| ExS-DrIfTeRr chapter 49 . 3/13/2016
I dont get it in what way has he messed up?
| V-rcingetorix chapter 49 . 3/12/2016
It looks like you took your time with it, and from the opinion of someone that exists outside your skull, it's not bad. That's my main complaint about my own writing; I have to stop and wait a few days or a week before I can look at it objectively, and even then there's problems. So again, from someone out here, it's good.
Pacing good. You didn't just spill Michael's mind into Liara's head at first opportunity; it's taken a whole FORTY-NINE chapters! To quote Garrus: Impressive!
The explanation behind the encrypted Shadow Broker files, unlike canon, is a good one. Logical. That alone deserves accolades; too many people ignore logic these days. Making SB paranoid about Cerberus is a good move, and having EDI move to Liara's vessel was equally logical. Why would a huge program like that remain cooped up in a armor suit?
Frankly, the timing on this is fantastic. This one point helps propel the story forwards, just as it pulled it from the beginning. How will Liara react and/or help (or not)? She was eager to get inside Michael's head before, will she be thinking twice now?
As a culmination for all the secrets, the various lies that even Tali sees through now, now it's just getting interesting ;)
For improvements ... I'd work a little more on the descriptors. For example, that last paragraph; was her hand soft, or calloused from warfare? Did EDI's voice have a soprano quality, or does it remain a mellow alto? Do the deck plates shake when the engines give more thrust, or does it remain eerily silent?
Too much description ruins a tale, but not enough can have a similar effect. You're on a good medium here, but my opinion is that more would be better. But, like a pretzel, my opinion is better when taken with a grain of salt.
Keep up the good work!