|Reviews for Interloper 2: The Collector Crisis|
| name chapter 48 . 3/21
Hey Just read both of your fics this w/e. I have to say that they are seriously underrated. Well looking forward to the next chapters
| V-rcingetorix chapter 4 . 10/26/2014
So an extra few months makes a huge difference, interesting.
Liddle seems to be re-integrating with the Normandy pretty quickly, and seems to trust the locals pretty fast as well.
So you have members of the Shadow Broker and Cerberus on the Normandy, eh? That should be interesting :)
One grammar point, "... of the government," She said, "Do you ..." the word "she" should be lowercased. Other than that, it's good :)
| V-rcingetorix chapter 3 . 10/4/2014
So, the universe twists to one side and begins a new path. Excellent logic!
I particularly like how the Shadow Broker and Cerberus are "partners" in this endeavor. The new Normandy has crew loyal to two different masters ... as Lincoln once said: "A house divided against itself, cannot stand."
Spelling/grammar is good here; you have one instance of not capitalizing the word "Yellowjacket," but I'm not sure if that's intentional or not. A lot of 'net users have a penchant for lowercasing words, either because they type to fast to bother with caps, or they're too lazy to reach alllllll the way over to the shift key. Here ... I don't know.
Glad to see the story progressing so well :)
| V-rcingetorix chapter 2 . 10/4/2014
Good fast intro to new combat weapons :)
There's a couple typos you might want to look into, only two that were somewhat major. "robot-bourne" should be "robot-born" I think (not sure), and "The group had turned at the sudden his and assault of hurled rocks." (sudden "hiss"? The rest could be a little smoother).
Otherwise, very good!
I like the descriptions. I spend a lot of time in fields and farms, so I appreciate the detail you added for an alien farm. I'm a little curious as to what happened to Williams, but figure this is part of your AU work.
Keep up the good work!
| general-joseph-dickson chapter 48 . 10/1/2014
| V-rcingetorix chapter 48 . 9/30/2014
Pretty good chapter, but the ending was a little abrupt. For a true cliffhanger, you might want to include a sound, like Liara gasping, or a flash of blue from the corner of Liddle's eye.
Otherwise, excellent. Looking forward to the 31st :)
| Ave Imperium chapter 47 . 9/30/2014
I guess I got a pretty skewed view of SI's from the ones I saw in the Lord of the Rings fandom, because I enjoyed yours.
I've got to say, there were a few times where I was convinced that Michael was going to spill the beans and reveal what he knew. Each time he managed to slip away and it just builds up the whole tension around that particular subject.
I think one of the best things in your story was the dialogue. It felt very natural and I read it like something that they would really say, in real life. You're definitely quite good with that.
On the flip side, I sometimes thought the fight scenes got a little repetitive or were just too numerous. In my opinion, you made a good choice when you summarized a few into just a paragraph or two. I would keep on doing that unless they have some significance to the story or important things happen during these fights? If you do detail them, I would try to cut the description a bit and try to focus on the important part.
A few times throughout the two tomes, you would cut a phrase in half and not include the end. However in most cases it was easy to deduct the meaning. I also saw a few moments where youw otel ike this. But once again, it happened so rarely that it really isn't a problem I think.
All in all, I think this is a very interesting story and I can not wait to see more in the following update. (Hopefully in the following days? :) )
Good luck with your writing, hope this helped.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 1 . 9/28/2014
Interesting premise ... I like how you introduce the main character without going through a monologue on how handsome or powerful or weak he is. Some SI's, unintentionally of course, get bogged down in how bummed they are, or how their lot in the galaxy has gone down. Realistically speaking, it has been long enough that they should be used to the fact at that point.
Grammar, good. Spelling, good. No complaints :)
I hope you continue this one, or at least put a summary ending. I've read through it, thought I would start with this chapter, but really like what you've done with the LoTSB part in your latest chapter.
Keep up the good work!
| Kwtwix chapter 47 . 8/13/2014
Can't wait for the action to start! This should be interesting considering you sort of took the route Liara would have to take if Shepard had nothing to do with aiding her in taking over the ship. Love the call signs Jan is just too much!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 47 . 8/9/2014
Excellent chapter, looks like the Shadow Broker has a whole team to worry about now :)
Good grammar, excellent spelling, nothing to complain about in the descriptive department ... I always have a bit of a problem with "were's" and "was's," so it's good to read someone who doesn't have that problem.
Looking forward to your next chapter!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 24 . 5/10/2014
I'll have you know blacksmiths can be highly delicate. Look up Ufberht sometime, it was a marvel of Medieval smithing, and required a delicate touch :p
| masterdude94 chapter 47 . 5/10/2014
Oh wow. Cool car chase! I really look forward to more of the LotSB missions!
| general-joseph-dickson chapter 47 . 5/10/2014
Not a lucky day would be an understatement.
| Kwtwix chapter 46 . 4/29/2014
This is getting gooood! So glad to see the story is still alive! Thanks for te update I look forward to more. :)
| masterdude94 chapter 46 . 4/29/2014
Good chapter! Definately a good alternative to LotSB! I look forward to more of it.