|Reviews for Ripple Effect: Open Your Heart|
| IrishPanther chapter 2 . 2/19
So you want critique on your action scenes throughout this chapter, is that right?
Well, I have to say that you kept me intact throughout the whole chapter, and that right there is a job well done. I'll admit now that the beginning few paragraphs were tough to read through, as were some other long paragraphs - I'm not use to reading long structured sentences put together. But when I got down to the nitty-gritty, everything was fantastic!
Sonic has a purpose to fight Eggman, seeing as Station Square's destroyed because of Perfect Chaos and thousands of casualties occurred because of the Doctor. And I have to side with the hedgehog; justice needs to be served to Eggman, but unfortunately he was able to escape Metropolis...which is now completely in ruins.
The fast-paced action words that you used to describe Sonic's attack during his confrontations with the enemies pulled me into a game - literally, it was that good! Now, I'm concerned to see how Sonic deals with finding Eggman and bringing justice to him, along with what occurred last chapter - by the way, nice job with that!
In terms of SPAG, there are a few spots that went noticed:
-Right after the first line break, you have "His feat beat against..." I believe you were going with 'feet'
-During Sonic and Eggman's first confrontation, you have the hedgehog rubbing his hands around a metal part of Metal Sonic "like a basket ball feeling for bumps..." Anyway, it should be 'basketball.'
Those were the only mistakes I could found, and with this lengthy chapter, I say that that's an impressive feat to achieve; job well done!
Again, I enjoyed reading this chapter, and I look forward to see what comes next! :)
| Renegade the Unicorn chapter 2 . 2/2
This is a great story. I enjoy post-apocalyptic stories, and while this one isn't exactly that, it's still very well-written. Keep it up.
| Princess Unikitty chapter 2 . 10/22/2013
i like this idea keep it up
| Qwisse chapter 2 . 8/15/2013
That was a heavy one.
In fact, way too heavy for my liking. Lord Kelvin has already hinted at that: I ended up skipping major bits of the text to get to the action/dialogue parts more quickly. Settings and landscapes are awesome, yes, but... mammoth-sized paragraphs dedicated to plant life... that's just wrong. Paragraphs of the same size depicting the artificial city seem more apt here, but it would be really nice of you to make them more readable by making them less long-winded.
The battle scene seemed fine to me. Not exactly awesome, but fine. You just can't expect a rush of excitement from something that meticulous, but it provided a good amount of detail to remember later. Rings, for one. Didn't know they were going to show up in this story as well; I thought it was just a gimmick for your previous oneshot.
Aaand the dialogues in the second part of the story were something I did't like at all, even though they were clearly the reason that dragged tons of preceding descriptions forward. First of all, I had a problem picturing Sonic in every scene where he talked. His phrase starting from "Gee, I dunno Eggman..." was probably the only one I could imagine being said by the Adventure Sonic. The other ones could easily belong to... I don't even know, Sonic from SatAM, perhaps? Sonic from the show was probably the one that got the closest to the idea of actually getting rid of Eggman/Robotnik instead of trashing a couple of bases and robots and walking away. This turn to the grim side looks pretty sudden, rockets or no rockets were threatening the city. I'd really like you to dive deeper into Sonic's thoughts later on to show how this change happened.
Plus, if you're not writing AU, you'd also have to explain how everything between Sonic and Eggman was back to normal in Sonic Adventure 2.
Eggman looks awfully weak here, on the contrary. Can't tell for sure what your intention was, but the doctor here looks scared so speechless he can't even think of a proper comeback. "I'm afraid there are no more functional mechs around here" - seriously? That was before he remembered about a trap he could lure Sonic in. Therefore, his statement seemed a warm welcome for Sonic to go 'Oh, sweet!' and attack. That's not what Eggman wanted him to do, no?
The phrase about the Robotnik family was pretty interesting, though. Setting the stage for SA2? Or giving a bit of Eggman's origins? That would be really awesome to find out.
But, you know, one catchy phrase can hardly compensate for a heavy chapter full of scenery.
| Lord Kelvin chapter 2 . 7/8/2013
So many picturesque environments...
You know, that fight with Mecha paled in comparison with your descriptions of the jungle. That description took more space to write, too. I'm not a fan of chapters this long (few Sonic fans are), and you will find it difficult to convince a reader not to skip anything.
Especially the purty surroundings.
I liked the dialogue, though. It had a great vibe and intensity that contrasted well with the landscape. I felt the words were not just a fleeting thing. Those two were serious about settling their differences, and those carried on till the very end. Which further increased the sensation that the Mecha scene was a perfunctory transition; just because you needed an action bit for balance.
The discussion that followed had much more depth and involvement than the brutal fight earlier. And I can't help swooning over the vocabulary overall.
On the grammar side, I've found it odd that you called it "the Windy Mountain" instead of formatting it like "Angel Island", no article. Isn't the place Windy Valley, too? One more bit: "You now, I actually like some of the additions". Know, yes?
Had a blast from the second half and the text above the first separator, which makes the chapter mostly awesome. In a chapter this long, it can be difficult to keep the excitement up.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| Qwisse chapter 1 . 10/11/2012
A colossal start.
I'd dare call this chapter realistic. The sort that doesn't just revolve around a superhero and a villain rushing towards the finale, but shows how their actions affect the world that is still around them. Of course there was a flood in Sonic Adventure. There were victims, broken hopes, broken lives. Why does it feel so odd and surprisingly new to think about it?
You can tell the author has spent a lot of time to get familiar with the world he's writing about.
The strange feeling when the writer clearly knows more than you do and is unwilling to lay all his cards on the table at once; that's what I can say about the arising plot. I guess 'intrigued' is the word.
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
There is a heavy hitter in today's updates.
Like all heavies, it wheezes in for a break at times, but offers an in-depth experience. When I saw the introductory paragraphs, I though something went wrong. Something did go wrong, but not with execution, just the Egg Carrier. It was a fine scene describing Eggman's resilience to a shocking and sudden defeat. Or a setback, depending on your POV.
It's not so often that a writer decides to post a post-climax scene in such an extensive manner. A fresh perspective in the narrative kept me entertained while editorial decisions, such as a bird sitting on a girder, kept me aware of the attention you granted this text.
Narrative is very strong here. I was reading it for the verbiage as well as your ability to portray scenes in a way that strikes the reader as important. The thick paragraph is scary, yet goodness lies inside. You bring it home from the start, a very profound start.
If dialogue was up to match, this would have been an instant favourite. Many fans, myself included, find generic civilian chatter dull when bright stars like Sonic or Knuckles are there to say things that we want to hear and find interesting. In this respect, starting with Eggman was a good choice. You didn't give the impression this would be a story about Randy Randison the S.S.P.D. officer. Mr Randy is a stark contrast to the Chaos Emeralds other characters can represent.
Hope to see true blue Sonic-esque stuff beyond a Flicky or two. You can tease, but that only works with carrots inbound. You took a risk by writing a 5k chapter on a day 0.5k is a staple. Still, I don't doubt the hard to please part of the audience will applaud you.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.